Monday, January 3, 2011

He's Baaaack!!!!!!!

So anyone who has been a fan of.... ME for awhile knows that Brad Womack has always been my favorite Bachelor. I liked how he rejected everyone... that's the only reason he was my favorite. First time around, I think he went into it thinking "Whatever... this will be a fun TV show and I'll drum up business for my bar!" (Not sure about the bar thing....)
Then when he was standing there at the final podium, engagement ring in hand... he looked into DeAnna's eye (singular) and he could see that it was more than just a TV show to her. She was all kinds of in love. At that point, he just could not find it in himself to lead her on... even for a few more weeks, while they'd have to do all that publicity, etc.
So, that's why I always liked him--- for being true to himself. I do however remember him sending home all of the good girls and generally making bad decisions about which women to keep. But whatever...So here we go again. Apparently the story line is "OMG Brad was TOTALLY dysfunctional before.... that is why he picked no one. What a CAD!!!!"
So after he ruined his life, Brad came back home to Austin. He fired up his Tivo and re-lived the disaster.
He was so depressed that he went outside and sat in the rain...
in the dark.He went to the local park and pondered his reflection in the lake.
He forced himself to stick to a healthy diet of high protein cereal, telling himself "I will NOT be that guy who gains weight after going on The Bachelor and summarily rejecting each and every Bachelorette, thus incurring the wrath of America."
He was afraid to go outside, so he would instead sit at his computer and work on his pie charts. Finally he asked himself "What is wrong w/ ME? Not w/ all the hot women I sent home, but ME?"He then decided to enlist the help of a therapist.
He even ventured outside. He took long hikes up Runyon Canyon some random canyon in Texas.He jogged along the seashore at sunset.He pumped iron.And whenever he started feeling depressed again, he would just pop his shirt off and flex his abs.
He hung around with his less cute brothers.And he caught baby fever. He realized that he need to get married ASAP. So he packed his bags and headed to LA. He met up with his old buddy, Chris Harrison.And agreed to be The Next Bachelor. Because he had CHANGED.Jenni and DeAnna come out to chat with Brad. So actually, from their perspective, if I was one of them, I would probably be kind of hurt that he was going on The Bach again. I would have thought that if he was so keen on dumping the both of us and being true to himself, that AT LEAST he could have learned one lesson: Don't go looking for love on reality television. I mean, seriously, I personally really would have thought that would be his THM (Take Home Message). But I guess not....So send in the ladies.....
Ok, so seriously, I really think they need to come up with some other sort of intro-ceremony. I could NOT sit there and watch thirty women parade out of the limos one by one. BORING. Let's shake it up a little. Have him meet two women at a time or something. And right on the spot, he has to send one woman home and the other gets to go to the cocktail party. I don't know... but really, come up w/ something ABC.

Obviously, I did NOT think the slap was funny or cute. I wasn't impressed w/ the girl who forced him to get down on one knee and propose. It was all pretty boring.

So, I got enlightened when the first girl finally said something nice to him, like "I respect what you did." or something to that effect. I think Brad really is looking for a NICE girl. But he's pretty good at being a gentleman and hiding his hurt feelings well. Like when that girl slapped him, he made it seem like he felt he deserved it and liked her more for it... but THEN when one of the girls was finally nice to him, he felt so relieved and happy.... that I think he wants a nice girl who is sympathetic to his cause.

Overall, I was deeply offended by the ages of the women. I am NOT saying that relationships with huge age gaps are NEVER okay... but I AM saying that a healthy, happy, well balanced relationship is probably MORE OFTEN found between two individuals of similar age. So why in the HELL are they pairing him up with thirty women HALF HIS AGE!!?? Ok, they are not half his age; however, the whole gaggle of them is really inappropriately younger than him. And just to give you a visual, I have prepared an Inappropriate Age Gap Graph for you. It took me a long time to figure out how to make this damn thing in Excel, but I think it's really important for us all to understand what ABC is matching him up with!!

As you can see, the oldest girl there is 32... and there is only ONE of her. The biggest age group represented was 25 and 26. And Brad is THIRTY EIGHT. That's like an average of over ten year age difference!!!

Here's another headline for you: when I was twenty-three I did date a guy that was 37, and guess what - I thought he was OLD! So this set up is really ridiculous, in my opinion.

Like I said, I am sure a relationship COULD work with such a huge age difference.... but they already have a ton of factors stacked up against them, like... I don't know, living in different states, BEING ON A REALITY SHOW. Not only does Brad have more than ten years on most of these chicks, he also has the added benefit of already going through the whole process one time... so I'm really not sure how he's going to find some sort of lasting love relationship here. Oh well, whatever. We'll see, I guess.

Oh, btw..... don't think that I didn't notice that ABC is now suddenly NOT putting the girls' ages in their captions, as they have ALWAYS done in the past. I think they are trying to draw attention away from the RIDICULOUS age gaps they created!Frankly there were really too many girls at this stage for me to form many deep opinions on any of them. I guess I like that one cute little blonde girl that looks like Dolly Parton. She seems sweet, and more importantly, she lives in Charlotte, my home town.Uhmmm... but yeah, at at 24, I think she is WAY TOO YOUNG for him. I think she also has a kid and a dead baby-daddy. So, that's sad.
As for Madison, I'll go ahead and state the obvious: he is way too old to be dating anyone named Madison!!!! Hahahahaha!!! But seriously... I think she's going to be this annoying, crazy girl that you want to go home every episode, but Brad keeps keeping her around and you are like "OMG, she is a FREAK, lose her!!!" I did kind of like how he got all stern and took her down a notch by saying that she better cut the crap if she wasn't serious. And it was also kind of funny how he's like "It's kind of hot... but if you're just messing around, get out." About her vampire fangs. HAHAHAHAAA!!!! Kind of hot????????? HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok Brad!

I guess it's good to bring a super weirdo on there to make it interesting. She is very pretty... aside from the vampire teeth. But then again, I've never really been into the whole vampire thing... which is basically the romanticizing of violence against women in my opinion. But hey, whatever you like.
I think I also liked the girl that got the first impression rose. She seemed like a nice one. So good for her!
So I guess we'll see what happens. In the previews, it looks like they go visit every single exotic location they could possibly imagine. Brad seems pretty genuine, and I support his decision to go to therapy and figure out what he wants in life. I don't especially support him going on national TV to date a bunch of 25 year old random hot girls from around the country in pursuit of true love and happiness.... but what do I know?????

I also kind of feel like they really don't want him to dump everyone again, so they tried to pick out somewhat more realistic girls (aside from their inappropriate youth). And I don't buy how they tried to make it look in the previews like everyone dumped HIM and he ends up alone... although that WOULD be pretty funny.Yours in the Single Life,

PS - Is Brad going to die and/or get paralyzed later in the season when he dives into a coral reef??
What the hell is this? Am I the only one who notices those ominous dark shadows lurking in the water below him????


  1. Really nice start to the new Bach blogging season. I especially liked the Inappropriate Age Gap Graph.

  2. hi julie!

    great recap!! i'm so glad you created that highly informative age graph because i also noticed/was distrubed by the fact that they didn't have people's ages!! now i know the real reason! i was thinking it was because the women were getting offended about abc putting their ages up or something! the truth comes out! it's because he's old enough to be their dad! (not really..)

    i didn't watch brad's first season, but i did watch deanna's season to know that he made the right decision not to be with that crazy lunatic! she's so mean and snotty!

    i like the girl from charlotte too but i did NOT appreciate him being like "oh i recognize your accent" homegirl is orgiginally from WEST VIRGINIA!! people from charlotte don't talk like that, brad!!

    also, (trying to get this straight) he ended up keeping the girl who was shaking her butt in his face talking about how she'd been dumped for having too much junk in the trunk. BUT he ditched the girl in the blue dress who kept getting interrupted by the other girls, right??

    keep the re-caps coming! also - did this episode have an actual "take home message"?

    oh! and what about seal making an appearance? i've been kissed by a rose...

  3. HAHAHAHAH Blondie "I've been kissed by a rose" hahahahah. That is funny. Yeah, I once made out with a daffodil, but whatev.

    So, yes, i ALSO noticed the lack of ages on the screen as I tried one time to find out one of the girls ages and noticed there was NO number next to her name - LAME, disappoint me more and more each season. I also couldn't help but notice how 'produced' the whole show is, seeing cameramen in the background, watching the girls do what they are told, i mean come ON. you KNOW damn well that girl was TOLD to slap Brad when she got out of the limo - which is soooo STUPID. I did NOT support that at all. I personally TOTALLY respect BW for NOT choosing either girl - good for him for being a man and NOT leading a girl on!!!! Side note - i think Deanna is EXTREMELY pretty, too bad she is not a mute, cause she opens her mouth and ruins it. Although, She is NOT as pretty as the Rosslyn girl from Jakes season who i am obsessed with - that woman was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pretty!!!!! I support her as the next Bachelorette.

    Moving on. I think the girls this season a REALLY pretty - a lot of them, which i can not say about the women of all past seasons. I do however think the quality of these women have gone down though, and it seems like he got rid of the girls who have careers on this first night, so have fun with the nannies, hairstylist, bar tender and hair removal chick.

    Now, i would like to say that i have SOOOOO much respect for Michele for busting out the "mom" card on the FIRST night!!! MAJOR points for her, i TOTALLY support that. ANY mother who is ashamed of her child and doesn't blurt out her mom status the first chance she gets - BAD. Sadly, that cute blond Charlotte chick whose finance died did NOT show her mom card. She was like 'i have a great job, a great family, a great house' - oh, did i forget to mention my great daughter - oooops. Do NOT support that. I'm sorry, but being divorced or having a child is baggage and it is NOT fair to NOT revel your WHOLE self on the make it or break it night. I'd be pissed if 4 episodes into being the Bachelorette one of the guys was like, "ohhhh......PS. I have a 4 year old" !!!!??????? WHAT!?

    Also, if Brad ended up alone that would be kind of dumb. But i really don't know what would happen if he picked no one again. I actually feel kind of bad for him, cause the pressure is REALLY on this season for him to PICK a woman, God only knows what would happen to him if he picked no one again, he really WOULD have to flee the country.

    Did he REALLY keep the Vampire chick? WTH??? And, are her teeth REALLY carved into points???!!! Cause THAT is taking it to a whole new level.

  4. FYI: I just wrote a LONG response and tried to post it and was told it was too large and then my entire post was deleted. Nice.

  5. i see your long response grace! i agree the girls and deanna are pretty... too bad deanna is such a jerk!

    ang - you did bust me - there really was no THM for this post!

    also, i did notice that he mis-placed her accent too, and i was also really hurt about that.

    i think he did dump that girl that kept getting INTERRUPTED (just like Jake). it reminds me of that sad bible story, where jesus comes to visit the two ladies. one lady hangs out with J-dawg in the living room, having a great time and leaving the other lady to do all the tedious work in the kitchen. then when the woman who got stuck doing all the housework started complaining, jesus shut her up and took the side of the woman that was hanging out w/ him.

    interesting parable.... i think the THM for that is to always be the one hanging out w/ jesus, huh?? hey - there is the THM! hahaha!!!

  6. haha, wow, julie, great thm...

    loved the recap! i'm so excited a new season has started and you're here to analyze it - and i'm so glad i'm back in the country to watch!! :)

    i too love the inappropriate age gap graph!! i guess by the time a woman is 30, she realizes there is no way in hell she would go on the bachelor - probably the same feeling any girl with an actual career would have.

    i like the 5 lbs weights brad was lifting and the cowboy boots he was hiking in, and his huge mac...

    i kinda like the dolly parton girl too. but, i don't know how i feel about the first impression girl. the whole "you can come talk to me whenever you need someone to talk to" card doesn't seem very genuine to me. more of just a strategy to seem like the nice sweet girl and get a lot of time with him. so i guess maybe she's at least smart, so i guess thats good...

    also loved your astute observation of the lurking shadows awaiting a plunging BW!!

  7. OMG. hahah!!!! There it is!!!!! My long ass post IS here!!!! hahahahah. Man, Thank God I did not sit here and retype the whole thing!!! Thank you God!!!

    Anyways, I'm here to recommend to everyone to watch the 1st episode again. I was inspired by you Julie when you said "as I re-watched it" and it occurred to me, that i too should re-watch it. So i sat here, alone, on a Sat night w/a bottle of wine and watched it... is that sad??? probably.

    Anyways, I would like to point out some interesting things. First, i would LIKE to say that i do NOT like ...Ashely (?) Mrs. First Impression Rose. He kept saying "she is so sweet, you are so sweet" that girl looks anything but SWEET to me. She looks like a raging bitc8 to me. Seems sooooo fake and snotty, it is totally all an act. Actually, this is the most interesting thing I noticed. Now, as we all know this show it totally "produced" so who knows when this comment was really made. But, it was extremely subtle, like a subliminal message. It was only after watching the show AGAIN that i even heard it. When BW is taking 1st impression rose over to give her the rose he says to her "gosh, you are just so sweet" AND, in the background, you can hear a girl saying "yeah, i hate to burst your bubble" now, who knows what she is even talking about, but i personally believe she is talking about BW's comment about 1st impression being so sweet. She looks soooooo FAKE to me. You want to see a genuinely sweet girl, Ashley from Charlotte seems to be pulling that off quite nicely. SHE seems genuine.

    Also, after you watch the show again it makes it a LOT easier to recognize who is who in the "this season on the Bachelor" And I'm here to tell you that Showntel (what the hell kind of name is that) - the Funeral Director girl - looks like she makes it pretty far. There are a TON of clips of the two of them together and making out. It also looks like Mrs. Charlotte/West Virginia/Coal Miners Daughter makes it far too, as does the hairstylist who has a kid. From what i can tell of the previews, it's Mrs. Coal Miners daughter who breaks Brads heart towards the end - interesting. Vampire woman hangs around for awhile then she isn't seen much.

    So, MY take home message is Watch Episode One again, it is very enlightening :)

  8. OK Grace, good observations!!!
    I would also like to say that I retract my statements on the first impression rose girl.
    I now agree that saying "Ohhh.... if you ever just want to *talk* or need a *friend* I am there for you" is extremely contrived and false!!
    However, it did apparently work on him, so maybe we should all take note.
    I also agree that The Coal Miner/Charlotte's daughter is going to be around for long...
    Grace thanks for watching the "coming up this season" close!!! I am ashamed to say that I did not take the time out to watch it frame by frame to try to predict what is going to happen...


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.