Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Take Home Message: Don't Call Me Darlin'

I guess that's not really anything I personally learned last night. But it's just a tip for anyone out there thinking of dating me (aka -- probably no one reading this blog). SERIOUSLY!!! Nothing gets under my skin worse than sexist dudes. Sorry if that means I'm a femi-nazi who will die alone and be eaten by cats.I can't stand being talked down to by men who think I'm some dumb girl who doesn't know any better. Ugh!!! I'm not sure how long you have to know a girl before calling her "sweetheart" or "darlin" is no longer offensive, but I'm pretty sure it's more than a week or two. I'm talking to you, Rated R and you too, Hunter. So gross listening to them. I dunno.... I kinda think maybe the men were feeling frustrated that Ali had all the power and putting her down with diminutive nicknames was their way of taking back the night.

Anyway... onto Roberto's one on one date. I don't know. I guess he seems nice enough, just not really my style. I get that he's a hot looking man, but he doesn't really do it for me. Also, call me a high maintenance prude, but I'd be pissed if I went to pick someone up for my date, and they were already pounding beers. Ugh, it was painful to watch that tight-rope walk.... I HATE heights... I mean, I am SOO afraid of heights... that alone would be enough reason for me not to Be The Next Bachelorette (uhhh.... among other reasons). Do you think they had to walk back across the tight rope after dinner, all drunk and stuffed with food? I mean, she said that was the ONLY way over there... was there another way back?I loved how she was like "So... are you like fluent in Spanish?? REALLY??!! You ARE? OMG!" I know. I was also shocked that someone named Roberto was a fluent hablo-er of the Espanol. So you know how news reporters will like say their name with a straight non-accent voice, but then when they get to the part where they say their name, go into this deep accent... well, that's how I hear his name in my head. Ra-BARE-toe. They all pronounce it like Ro-burr-to. Funny. I guess I have been living in LA too long.
I was severely grossed out when she told him to kiss her in Spanish. I just thought it was dumb and I wasn't really impressed that he was all cultured and well-traveled... blah blah blah. So what. Who cares. He seems nice enough... seriously. I'm just not that into him.

SIDE NOTE: Even though Roberto bragging about how cultured and well-traveled he was, was seriously boring and lame... at least he wasn't as lame as Frank -- who felt compelled to declare how "Cultured and Experienced" he was on a t-shirt:END SIDE NOTE.

Anyway, it did get me to thinking that this show is pretty damn racist. When are we going to see anyone besides a white person on it? We've had a FEW black girls that I remember, but none that stuck around long. Especially when it gets down to the final few or the main Bachelor/Bachelorette it's basically all white people.
The unfortunateness of which was prominently displayed at the Barenaked Ladies group date. Holy sh!t that was awkward. I now truly understand why some people are telling me they can't bear to watch this season. Ugh. Watching those white boys try to dance... in broad daylight.... in a non-crowd.... with all dudes and only one chick to keep it flowing. Wow... it was just too much for even me - one of the biggest fans of the show - to take. I don't know... maybe it's just me? I'm not that into live music. I mean, the group speedo date I thought was cute. This was just painful. Thank god it's over with.Now, onto filming the ridiculous set up scenes for the music video. That was funnier. We learned a couple things:

1. Frank is creepy
2. She has chemistry with Kirk
3. Weatherman/Jonathan is gay

As to point three: you know, I really had to think about this, now that I'm a celebrity blogger. I can't just go saying mean things about people. I have to think about what lines I'm going to cross. But seriously.... that guy is SO gay that I think I'm doing him a favor by hopefully helping to come to grips with his homosexuality and lead a comfortable and open life as a gay man. Move to LA, dude. You can be gay here.
You know the part where before their scene, Jonathan was like "So, this says we're supposed to kiss, but if you're not comfortable with it, just let me know, we don't have to." I definitely appreciate a man who is sympathetic to the cause of not molesting women. However... that was still gay. Jonathan was then so fixated on the kiss and everything. But honestly I read all that frustration as frustration with himself that there was no chemistry, because he WANTS to be straight and be attracted to her. However... he isn't. I definitely agree that this was his first kiss.... ever. Oh well. Poor kid. I genuinely do feel bad for him. I hope he can come to terms with who he is and lead a good life, straight or gay. What the hell do I know?

As a side note on the topic of Gay... when are they going to go with a gay storyline?? Come on... we need a Bachelor/ette to come out of the closet for sure.

Regarding point one, Frank is creepy and my dislike for him is increasing. I love how adamant he was that he and she had a REAL kiss, NOT a scripted kiss. Whatever Frank. She's interested in other dudes and it's time for you to ACCEPT that. I thoroughly enjoyed watching him get repeatedly slapped by Ali during the shoot. He just strikes me as the high-strung, neurotic writer-type. In the words of my high-school English teacher, Mrs. Gladys Howell, as she went around the classroom, interested in what the cool kids were doing for spring break... and when a non-cool kid started to state his or her plans, she would cut them off: "NEXT."

As I stated in point two, Ali wants Kirk bad. He SEEMS like he might be funny and nice. I kept waiting for him to make a good comment... but uh, he never really did. So I can't really tell if he's cool or not. I wonder if they really actually said "Cut." "CUT!" twice or just edited that in. I'm thinking it was the latter.

So I wasn't particularly loving Chris L's periodic table of the elements t-shirt. Maybe that's because I'm not really into scientist dudes? I can't really tell if he is a genuinely nice, sweet, funny, gentle man who puts family first, has smart comments and is cool... or if he's a punk-ass, homophobic, douchey frat-bro. The fact that he said he won a flip cup tournament in Vegas doesn't bode well. I also thought it was misguided to say that THIS:

is gang infested and sketchy.

But on the other hand, he does seem to have a really cute smile. I'm definitely wracked with guilt and remorse for posting a cartoon of his comments about his Mom. I feel really bad... but on the other hand, he shouldn't have gone on The Bachelorette if he didn't want me to make fun of him. My main question is... if he has a tat of his mom's signature on his heart, when's he gonna pop that shirt off and show us?

Aw, Max!!
So the Justin-sneaking-out-of-the-house-to-see-Ali-and-the-guys-freaking-out-about-it-drama was pretty tiresome. The only funny part was how he did it all in the name of Chris Harrison, who TOLD them they needed to do whatever it takes to win the girl.

This is what I took away from Rated R's actions and words last night: I now think that he is a womanizer who wishes he wasn't. I now believe that Justin is that full-of-$h!t type of guy. He's the kind of guy that will go out of his way to make grand, romantic gestures that all the world can admire... but when you actually NEED his help... like a ride to the airport or to switch shifts at work or for him to drive out of his way and pick something up from the store for you.... yeah, he won't be there.

As I stated, he abused the words "honey, hun and sweetie" and then gave us the sad tale of how his father left him as a child and he grew up with no father figure. He really did seem passionate in his soliloquy about the importance of children having a father figure. He got very emotional, telling us that he WILL be there for his son. Well I have a question for you Justin-boy: what if you had a DAUGHTER??? Would you be there for her?? What if you ended up like my Dad and had FOUR daughters??? What if they grew up to be obsessed fans of The Bachelor? Would you show your love and support to them by watching it and reading their blogs and even forming opinions on the contestants? Would you? WOULD YOU?

I didn't think so. Here is Justin sadly pondering his fate. His father left him and he will inevitably do the same to his children one day. Even though he WANTS to be a stand up man and do a woman right, he just can't. I understand how you feel, Justin. I can't commit to one purse. No matter how beautiful, glamorous or custom made just-for-me she is... I can't keep my eye off other purses. Tiger, Jesse, John Edwards.... I understand.

So, that really sucked for Hunter. What a lame-ass date. Man, I'd be PISSED if I went on The Bachelor and then instead of getting a helicopter ride, or private jet, or yacht... I got to effing chill at home. SUCKS!! Even though I hate heights, I'd still rather jump off a cliff or building or something than "chill at home." So lame! But then again, I was so deeply offended by his incessant use of "darlin" that I'm glad he got the shaft.
I did think Ali was being herself. Not overly giggly or anything, just chill. I think she knew all along she wasn't into him and that he was heading home, but she still had to go on the date. It made me like her better that she didn't get all over him and how clear it was that she wasn't into him. I am glad that she didn't kiss him or anything in the hot tub. Man, even though Hunter offended me, he looked so sad in his interview, I started feeling bad for him. Sorry Hunter. It sucks, but sometimes the chemistry is not there! I recommend you stop calling women "darlin."

Meanwhile, back at the mansion....
...the part where the Grim Reaper came for Hunter's luggage was HI-LARIOUS!! LOL!!! Seriously... that's the Grim Reaper. Come on!

I still like Craig, despite the fact that he's a booze-hound. An ENTIRE BOTTLE, Craig? Really now.
I know Tyler was kind of the ring-leader in the whole [annoying] anti-Justin crusade this week. But I still like him also. Even though last week I said his accent was too Southern and that he wasn't cute, this week I liked his Southern accent and thought he was cute. He needs to lose that queer [and I don't mean GAY, stop being offended] necklace. But I found his Southern passion kind of hot this week. We'll see.

And.... Kasey wants to sign her a song?? With THAT voice? Looks like he will next week and I can't wait!
Too bad this picnic FAILED and this guy got sent home. I thought he was cute and seemed nice.

This was a fitting tag... a mouse infested The Bachelor Pad, in light of all the emails my siblings and I have been exchanging this week re: household pests traumatizing us. The bad news: there is a mouse in the house. The good news: Chris still has all his hair. Also... I think they're all wearing yellow to impress Ali.

Yours in the Single Life,
Julie Julie

PS - Three of my coworkers busted me staying late to watch the early feed. I busted myself first to one by asking when the show fed in. The other two were walking by my office. One was like, "What are you watching?" When I told him "The Bachelorette," he was like "Really?? WTF? I've been wondering WHO actually watches that?" I said "Me and all my friends and everyone I know." And the other guy said resignedly.... "They all want a man." I wish I could say he was wrong.

PPS - I'm really looking forward to the suicide attempt next week.


  1. Hi Julie Julie!

    I definitely agree that the Weatherman is a homosexual! I didn't see the light until you mentioned it, but it is so true! Also, everyone seems to really enjoy tormenting him. Back in the days of Craig M. mocking him, all the guys were hysterically laughing as Craig strutted around in his white jacket! (that jacket should have given it away)

    Have the BNL really sunk so low as to appear on the Bachlorette (no offense). I thought they were better than that. I ff through the part of them dancing but it sounds like I missed some seriously awkward material.

    I like Robert-o. BUT I do think he was lame about bragging about how cultured he was. But what was even more lame was Alli even asking him if he's fluent. She for real annoys me. Each week I long for the wit and charm that was Jillian.

    Also, despite my recent traumatization from critters (thanks for the shout-out) I thought that part about the mouse was perhaps the most entertaining part of the episode. I thought Stuart Little was kind of cute, probably because he wasn't actually in my house.

    Love the Blog. Too bad your co-worker has us figured out.

    La Ba

  2. Let me get something straight. Did Ali SEROIUSLY just send home the guy who in ALL the seasons of this BS show that I have watched, just did THE cutest thing - created a date bc he had not gone on one!!!???? That is the SWEETEST, CUTEST thing I have EVER seen ANY guy do on this show and... wait....wait...she sent HIM home and kept the WEATHER MAN!!!!!!!!!! I F'ing HATE the weather man, could you possibly be ANY MORE FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!! He is SOOOO annoying and GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD I CAN'T STAND HIM. I don't know why everyone in the house does not HATE his guts, why hate Justin when you could hate the weather man, I've never seen such a FLAMER on this show before!!! Seriously, she kept WM over Steve. If I was either one of those guys who went home before WM, I would SERIOUSLY question myself. I pray from a HUGE T=storm to come WASH the WM away!!!!!

  3. WOW. Now that I have had time to cool down after the whole WM / Steve's departure incident I could actually READ your blog.

    Here is my advice to my single Lady Friends - plan a trip OUT Of this country and find yourself a nice foreigner. After seeing this episode I am SOOOOOO thankful that I have Mike in my life - a Brit!!!! He has nice friends too who I can set you up with. What is WRONG with White men!!?? WHAT!!!!? I went to Vegas and won a Flip Cup tournament!!!!??? You did WHAT!!!? I would have sent that dude packing right then and there!!! What is WRONG with yoU!!!??? How old are you and you play FLIP CUP!!!! Did you also enter the beer=pong tournament - UGHHHHHHHHHH LOSER. I can't STAND white guys who drink beer and play flip cup and beer pong!!!!!!! HUGEEEE turn OFFFFFFFF.

    Julie, I LOVE the pictures on this blog, they are always HILARIOUS!!!

    And yes, I was laughing hysterically too at the grim reaper, I mean, SERIOUSLY!!!! That was soooo DUMB, and you know what else was dumb that fake scene where they showed Ali being interviewed and then Justin showing up, my God, could this show be ANY more produced!!!??? UHHHGGGGGGG. I just can't take it.

    PS. I hope she chooses Roberto, because i have ALWAYS wanted someone to end up with the person they gave the FIRST Impression rose to, I always thought that would be REALLY cool - plus, he is NOT a flip-cup winning, beer-pong playing white guy!!!!! I'm telling you, get your man for Over-Seas, you will be FAR BETTER OFF!!!!!!!!

  4. KASEY
    I was really disappointed we didn't get to hear Kasey tell Ali this week that he was going to guard her heart. I can't wait to hear him sing next week - this will be so awkward/entertaining! He's so strange! He's not even a nice guy. He was all about antagonizing Robert-O regarding the trek to "Ali's mansion".

    Frank cracked me up this season. I agree that he is kinda a loser, who will be creepy obsessed and kicked to the curb. I love how he kept talking to Kirk about how it must suck for them that Ali is having a connection and making out with more people. Frank, I'm pretty sure Kirk was not upset about anything! Too bad Frank already used his one and only "I live in Paris" card (aka, I was in paris for a month, I couldn't make it there either, and now I live at home with my mom and dad). I noticed a strong resemblance b/w Frank and Molly's Jason from episodes past...anyone?

    I was wondering if Ali has a brother she can set the weatherboy up with? Now I understand why what's-his-face was making so much fun of Weatherboy. It is just beyond comprehension that Ali would actually give this boy a rose. I think I would have asked Chris Harrison if it was okay to only give out like 3 roses this week. During the first episode, I thought this guy could potentially be funny. Now I realize he is just lame. NOT a fan.

    I find Craig somewhat repulsive. He reminds me of a turtle, an overweight turtle. He has no personality, he is not attractive in any way, he is conceited, and he is really mean. Why is he still around?!?

  5. RATED-R
    I do feel bad for R that Ali invites him on dates in which he cannot participate and makes no effort to include him. At first I thought, maybe, for the first time, everyone in the house coule be wrong about ganging up against and hating one person. Rated-R seemed like a nice guy. That changed this episode. Fine, sneak up to Ali's place, no problem. However, then he went around making "inside jokes to himself" about how he is so sneaky and clever. I agree with you Julie. He is happy to make the grand gesture that will reflect well on him, but where will he be when you really need him?...

    Unfortunately, this is the ONLY guy out of all of them that I think could be a nice guy that i would potentially be interested in. I think he's pretty hot and cute and Cape Cod? Yes please. So, i too was disappointed to hear he spent his free time winning a flip cup tourny in Veg-a. maybe he just happened to be playing flipcup in vegs and he's exagerating the situation?.... I also wonder what it means exactly to be a "landscaper".

    He's cute. I don't think he has enough of a personality.

    I am really liking how Ali continues to complain about how afraid of flying she is, yet, she's airborne every chance she gets. At least Robert-O did a much better job than Jessie at comforting her in the plane. Probably b/c he is a womanizer. Overall, I think Ali has very low self-esteem. She seems to overly appreciate these nasty men trying to hug her and be all over her. Does anyone remember, when Ali was introduced on the Bachelor last season, her spiel was that her boyfriend cheated on her with her roommate – in her apartment – while she was there – like he left Ali's room and went to her roommate's room.

    Here is my take home message. I used to think it would be great to go on this show, have 25 men at my disposal, all fighting for me. However, what I have now realized, is that situation exacerbates to the 100th degree, the issue of men acting the way they want to be perceived... until they don't want or don't need to put on their act anymore. Each Bachelorette will go through this entire show with every contestant trying his absolute best to win the prize. Not only are they simply trying to beat out every man to win the girl, whatever girl happens to be casted that they suddenly cannot live without, they are also putting on a act for America, in front of the camera. The bachelorette will think these men are gunuinely interested in her, why wouldn't she.

    My favorite two parts of last episode were:
    1. The Toy Story 3 commercials featuring Ken. Hahaha, omg, those were hilarious, I need to see that movie! For those watching online, I am also really enjoying the Lance Armstrong commercials!
    2. The ending footage with the guys trying to catch the mouse. It really goes to show how bored they make the people in house – no phone, computers, internet, tv, etc... resorting to catching mice.


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