I AM BACK!!!

Hello everyone!!!! I have missed you all dearly. I know we are already on the third episode, so I am just going to jump in now! No point in re-capping episodes that aired weeks ago. No one cares about last week. I will just mention some thoughts I had about people and previous episodes as we go along.

Oh, but how can I not mention the interpretive dance Ashley did to get over Brad???

ANYWAY!!! Back to Monday.
The first date is a solo date with one Ben C. He's not much to look at, but he loves to dance, ladies. He loves to dance. Ashley, truly being a dancer herself and only masquerading as a "dentist" therefore thinks he is the perfect candidate for the flash-mob date that she has planned.First they head off to a dance studio where Ashley channels her inner Cheryl Burke and teaches Ben some dance.... but he doesn't know WHY or what it's for.

Then they go and picnic on a giant lawn, when Ashley just suddenly gets the idea that they should stand up and do the dance they just choreographed. Ben is a good sport and goes along with it.

Before they know it, they are joined by all the lookers-on and a true Flash Mob is had.

Now. I do NOT know why...... but for some reason, I thought this was totally cute. Perhaps my ice cold heart of steel and stone is melting?!?!?!?!??!!??!!! COULD THAT REALLY BE?!?!

I don't know. But I felt like this old man as I watched:I just think it's interesting how communication technology advances and then these weird phenomena pop up and life changes.

Also, I really like Far East Movement. I think this is the first time a band was on The Bachelorette that I actually liked and heard of. I guess I've heard of some of the other bands, but haven't been into them. Anyway, I totally support FEM, I love those Asian gangstas!!

So, Ben and Ash then go have dinner where Ben proceeds to tell Ashley that he is looking for unrealistic over the top sparkling and glittering eternal love. Ok, no worries, my stone cold heart is back. PLEASE!! I was totally turned off by this monologue. I mean, I'm sure being in love is a great feeling, but seriously you guys... it takes a lot more than just that to build a life together. This is my opinion.

Anyway, she gives him a rose, blah blah blah.

Meanwhile back in the mansion, the group date is next. Invited are: Ames, Ben F(?), Blake, Jeff, Lucas, Nick, Ryan, William, Bentley... and the guy reading the date card, whoever that is.

These clowns will be going to a comedy club to roast Ashley. Uhmm.... hmmmm.... I am NOT sure that is a good idea. Very risky, indeed. I think that is a pretty dangerous endeavor to roast the girl you are dating, right when you have first met her. So CLEARLY this was a brilliant date idea on the part of the producers... this should be sure to stir up some drama.

Before the date, Masked Jeff takes Ashley aside and says that he is ready to take off the mask. Now, the first night, I could NOT stand the mask-guy. I thought that it was one hundred percent ridiculous. I do NOT believe that the only thing that matters is what's on the inside. Plus, it's just stupid and gimmicky, and he really seemed to be taking it seriously, which I do NOT support. But eventually, by week two and three, I was starting to think he was kind of funny. Clearly, he played along for the skit where they filmed him on the toilet wearing his mask. He swam laps in the pool with his mask on and agreed when another Bachelor said he should have worn a white mask, because it was so hot out. So then I started thinking it was kind of funny because it was so ridiculous and awkward.Anyway, the whole stunt definitely did NOT play out to his favor. Chris Harrison said it somewhere that if you are going to don a mask for "three weeks" that you should really look like Brad Pitt underneath it. Word. Mask boy looked like he COULD have had a cute face under there, from what we could see of it... but I'm not going to lie, I was on the whole, disappointed when he took it off.

And so was the local wild life.And so was Ashley.

They rejoin the guys and head off to the comedy club.
So the basic theme of the night was that Ashley has flat boobs. That and some of the guys just decided to make fun of the other guys --- always a safe bet.William, however, took it to the next level, saying that when he signed up to do The Bachelorette, he wanted to meet Emily or Chantal, but instead was disappointed to discover the Bachelorette was Ashley. FUNNY!!Not.

Soooo, this created some good drama. Ashley took it okay as she sat there, but afterwards, she went off into the folding chairs and was sobbing. I kind of found the whole incident interesting. You could tell that William really did feel terrible that he made her so upset and realized later that it was a BAD joke.

So when we first met William, in episode one, I totally thought he was cute as his umbrella kept popping inside out. He said that the whole string of women he dated previously had then gone on to marry the next guy they dated after him. He was ready for his luck to turn around. As I beheld him and noted his striking resemblance to Prince William, I could not imagine why this handsome young man was still single.

Well, now I totally get it. He is super annoying. And also immature. I felt bad for him that he made that bad joke... I mean, we can all relate to putting your foot in your mouth. But what I thought was telling was when Ashley was talking with him afterwards and he was basically like "There is nothing I can say or do to make this up to you, just go talk to another guy." To me, that is just immature. I mean, it is understandable that he would feel that way, but you kind of have to just be more mature, own your mistake and really apologize. You can't just totally bail out on a relationship bc you messed up and hurt the other person. So in my opinion, he's not really ready for a relationship. I got why Ashley felt frustrated that after saying that, he couldn't just comfort her, instead he was just like defeated.Now. I also gained some new respect for Ashley this episode. I feel like she really is "putting herself out there" and/or being honest with her feelings and emotions. Now, I am NOT saying that I "believe in the process" or anything like that. Obviously I think this is a ridiculous endeavor to take if you seriously want to find love. (But maybe she doesn't know that.. haha!) BUTTT she really does seem open and honest about what she is feeling, which I really like. I felt like Ali just spouted random crap that I could not relate to. I mean, I know they all *SAY* they are open, but Ashley seems like she really IS.

Last season, I would like to say that I NEVER really thought she was that insecure. I know that she came off that way, but I personally never got the vibe that SHE HERSELF was just standardly insecure, it always seemed to me that it was Womack who really brought out that insecurity in her.I liked the part when she came over to the guys after the show and said "I am NOT trying to point the finger or make anyone feel bad, but the notion that you wish I wasn't the Bachelorette hit on a nerve with me, and that is just how I am feeling right now." I highly support that. What I have learned in the past few years of my life, is that you REALLY should just say what you mean. I know that women are not wired this way... instead women are like "That roast was high-larious and nothing that anyone said hurt my feelings, I am the most easy-going lady on the planet!!!!!!!!!" That is a really bad life and communication strategy is what I have come to learn. No one can read anyone else's mind, so you will really be better off if you just speak the truth.

SIDENOTE: this is ESPECIALLY true at work. I get that it is hard in your personal life to be all "Yo dudes, I am offended and sad." BUT seriously at work, there is REALLLLY no reason to beat around the bush and be all "Wellll... maybe next time, if it's possible you could do this little different, I mean, if you want to and all." Just be explicit, y'all!

Anyway. So William went off and sad sadly reflected on his deeds on Hollywood Boulevard while Ashley just couldn't focus on having quality time with the rest of the men.

Meanwhile, I too am considering being more open in life, and "putting myself out there" as they say. But then again, maybe not.

Bentley decided to seize this opportunity to "mess with Ashley's head" and console her that he's into her, etc, etc, etc.

All right, so let's address this whole Bentley issue. Even though I basically think the whole thing is so ridiculous that it's really beneath me to mention it, I guess I will have to say how I feel about it.

So, really, it kind of just confuses me all around. It is OBVIOUSLY produced... I'm just not really sure whose idea the whole thing was. Like, was this Bentley's idea to act like this?? Like go on the show and be the biggest jerk in the entire history of the show??? Do the producers think this is entertaining to watch?? I just don't get it. I wanted to hear what Reality Steve had to say about it, but I also don't want to read any spoilers. Luckily my sister perused the site for me, but it didn't seem like Reality Steve had much to contribute. According to her, he was just kind of like "Oh the producers can soooo manipulate this." Well yeah, they can. DUH. But CLEARLY Bentley is in on this. I mean, the whole Wes thing, I really never bought into... THAT I thought was just a case of giving him a bad edit. The Rozlyn thing was shady too... But there is NO WAY anyone can claim that Bentley is merely getting a bad edit, but is in fact a nice guy. So I'm not really sure what the point of him is.

It is NOT fun to watch. It's not even interesting. Here is a Public Service Announcement for ABC: I didn't tune into The Bachelorette to watch men degrade and use women. If I wanted to see that, I could just look at the world around me. Uhmm... or watch a bad movie.... sorry, trying to be less negative/bitter. I just really find the whole plot stupid and beneath my dignity. ALSO, I really kind of feel bad for Ashley... unless she's just playing along with it, she seemed really hurt. So it really seems MEAN for the producers to just let him clearly state all that crap about tickling his p*ckle, hooking up with her and dumping her, etc, then go lie to her face. It's just offensive and I really have no use for it in my life. I am not getting any Take Home Messages from his BS.

Anyway, Ashley gives the rose to that super hot guy on this date. That guy is REALLY cute, she should definitely give him the final rose.

The fact that she gave the rose to him and not to Bentley causes Bentley to decide it's time for him to peace out.

So of course the next day, we are treated to a shot of Ashley telling us how much she just LOVES Bentley!! You guys, if this were the very ending right now, she would *totes* pick B....

Which just makes it alllll the more dramatic when he goes to dump her.

So the whole dumping was really painful and offensive to watch as well. He decided to pretend that he misses his daughter and that is the reason he is going home. Unfortunately Ashley "falls" for it and lets him go. He continues making super creepy comments to the camera the whole while, saying that she is the kind of girl he would hook up with and never call again.

It was really anti-climactic actually, because she still never saw his true colors. She just bought his story about his daughter... and THEN to make things as bad as possible, he said let's not end this with a period, but rather a DOT DOT DOT. First of all, I don't appreciate him stealing my phrases and sayings that I use in real life. And second of all, that is the WORST ending possible to a relationship. It doesn't let you really end it and move on, it just keeps you hoping it will be re-kindled. I mean, I guess that is the point, since apparently the whole Bentley story line is all about let's be the biggest possible jerk.

But really it was kind of just a let down and not interesting AT ALL since she still never saw his true colors... so the deception just went on, and it's like - who cares.

I think the best part of her getting dumped was when the camera pulled out and we got to see Jimmy Kimmel watching Ashley crying in bed. "He's a jerk!!!!" said Kimmel. Then he told us that Ashley would be sitting down to talk on his show the next day.

So I forgot to Tivo that, but fortunately, I found the video online..... on my YouTube channel. Wow, how did that happen?!?!?!

It's still not really clear to me though from this interview, WHAT exactly in the hell is going on.

After Bentley made like a tree and scrambled, Ashley then had a hot stay-at-home date with JP. Now THAT is what I'm talking about. The next time some guy pretends that he likes me, but really wishes that I was Chantal or Emily, then uses his daughter as an excuse as to why he can't be with me... I hope that a HOT man like JP comes over to comfort me immediately afterwards.

I think we all know that the only way to get over one man is to get under another. So Ashley puts that old adage into practice with one JP. Nice. JP is very good looking, despite his bald head. He seems very sweet too, but I'm not sure if he's genuine. He kind of strikes me as a lover of women, which I am okay with. Like, I feel like he probably gets a lot of ladies... and maybe doesn't necessarily make a habit of calling them the next day. But to me, he's only doing that because he really loves the ladies and being with the ladies, NOT because he thinks it's a fun sport to add notches to his belt, like B evidently does.

I can't really tell how much chemistry Ashley has with him or not. Actually, overall, I can't really tell who she is most into and who might get the final rose. Anyway, she gives JP a rose, obviously.

The next day, Ash has a fireside chat with Hare... mainly about Bentley. I really thought that he was going to spill the beans to her and be all "Well, you know Bent was totally playing you." He was kind of like trying to guide her that way and hint and teased me into thinking he he might say something, but he didn't. He kept saying "Welllll... isn't it kind of FAST to fall so hard for someone??" "Do you think it's just because Michelle warned you about him and you want what you can't have??"

She says "Maybe. I just don't know anymore. In my gut, I still think that he was telling the truth, but I don't know."

NOW, I am very curious to find out what she has to say when and IF she finds out about his deception. I have definitely had feelings in my guts about guys that they were good guys... and been WRONG. So I'm wondering if she feels that her gut compass needs to be reset or anything???

I would say -- that I can relate to falling HARD for someone, even when it doesn't necessarily make sense, but I really can NOT relate to falling FAST for someone. No way would I ever be that attached to someone I met 3 days ago. That would NEVER happen to me, I am WAY to skeptical of strangers. But you know, that's cute for anyone who can fall that fast.

OMG, ok, anyway. After their heart to heart, Ashley tells Chris that she is in no mood for a cocktail party tonight. THANK GOD... neither was I.

So they go have the rose ceremony and she sends home mask-boy and some other guy that no one knows.

Now THAT has GOT to sting, you guys. Can you imagine!?!?!?!!!! Getting dumped as soon as you show your face. OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm actually not surprised that she kept William around. I think she really does like him a lot. But I don't think he's probably a good idea for a relationship. I can kind of overlook the bad joke (not really). But the fact that he just can't cope with the gaffe is pretty bad.

Soooooooooooooooooooo....... I guess we'll see what happens next, and it better be GOOD.

Yours in the Single Life,
Julie Julie

PS -- Ashley really needs some new fake eyelashes. I recently discovered the art of enhancing your eyelashes. Now I KNEW that people went around wearing fake eyelashes, but I did NOT know that you can actually get eyelash extensions. ALSO.... this is even more profound, did you guys know that you can DYE your eyelashes?!?!?! I guess I have heard of or seen signs for "eyelash tinting" but I never knew what in the hell that was. WELL, I finally discovered that you basically just dye your eye lashes. The point is basically so that your eyelashes always look dark, even when you are not wearing mascara.

As all this knowledge seeped into my brain, you can believe that I was DYING to go get some eyelash extensions STAT. They are really expensive though. And I was thinking about what my family in North Carolina would think of me if I got EYELASH EXTENSIONS. They would really think that I've gone totally LA and lost touch w/ reality. So I decided that as a compromise, I would immediately go get my eye lashes tinted. This is what I would say about the results. It DOES help. My eyelashes are definitely basically black now, even w/o mascara, so that is certainly a nice addition to my life. But obviously they are not thicker or longer..... so all I'm saying y'all is that I have not ruled out eyelash extensions all together.

Reality Rocks Convention

Hello Everyone!!

Last weekend, I had the chance to go to the Reality Rocks Convention in Los Angeles (where I live). To be quite honest with you, I wasn't that excited about going, because I'm kind of tired of old Bachelor/-ette contestants. I think for me, I'm more interested in watching the show itself and breaking down and analyzing people's behavior and calculating how they are being manipulated and then from that extracting life lessons. That is really what my blog is about. I'm just not all that especially interested in what Natalie-Who-Loves-Bears is doing with her life. No offense to Nat!! I mean, I really enjoyed her on the show... but I don't know that I needed to devote a Saturday to seeing these cats in the flesh.Anyway. It turned out to be fine. The MOST exciting celebrity spotting I had was when I saw Reality Steve. Now, I have always found his blog to be really funny. He is very irreverent. So on my blog, I'm always kind of trying to not quite "go there" so that I don't lose my job, get sued by ABC and then end up homeless on the streets (which is my deepest fear). I also get worried, thinking about what would the contestants say/think when I see them in person?!?!?!?! I know these fears are not founded in "reality" (get it, punny!!), but that doesn't stop me from having them.... I have to worry about SOMETHING. Anyway, RS has no such worries or inhibitions, so I find it even funnier when I read his blog and he just SAYS things, then I am like -- "Yeah, wow, I really shouldn't worry about my little comments."

Also, I am impressed with how many WORDS he has. Like personally, my brain is overflowing with words, like alphabet soup or cereal. If you sat me in front of a keyboard and told me to type for twenty minutes, I'd write like a hundred pages or something... and that would be single spaced 10 point font. It's embarrassing when I write emails. So for someone to be able to out-write and out-type me and write so much that even I can't read it all --- is pretty impressive. I was pretty excited to see him and he was nice enough to let me interview him... so click above to check out the interview. I think I did okay, considering that this all happened on the spot, so it's not like I had time to prepare or think of questions ahead of time. The other thing to note in the video is how much I talk like a Valley-Girl. Uhhmm... WOW. I think I might need to enroll in speech therapy sessions with my sister Angela who can help me with some "accent modification." Geezus.

The next best thing at the Reality Expo was Jillian Harris. I unfortunately did not actually get to interview her personally, but my co-hort Paige got a good interview with her. I am putting up her as her own video in honor of Grace, who LOVES Jillian, Jilly-beans. Jillian is also my favorite of all the -ettes.

So I actually didn't know and/or remember that she was working on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, but I am very pleased to learn that and fully support her career choice. I always thought she had a great television personality (unlike SOME of the other Bachelor/-ettes, who will remain nameless.) So I am really happy to see that she is working on that show and loving her job. I was also interested to hear about the book she read about nice girls not getting rich or whatever. I need to look into that, because I too am a nice girl who is currently NOT getting rich... and I really don't support that.

ALSO, I thought it was cool how she said that she should not have taken her engagement with Ed seriously. Yeah... I OBVIOUSLY agree with that statement.... actually I think the whole world could have told her that... AT THE TIME. But oh well... I guess that is what they mean when they say "Love is blind." At least she dumped his ass and moved on.

Okay, and finally, I lumped the rest of the interviews we got into one video. I don't know if you heard or not, but Kasey "I will guard and protect your heart" Kahl is now dating Vienna, the one who would not stop INTERRUPTING Jake-Tom-Cruise-Pavelka. I actually think that they make a really good couple, for some odd reason. Maybe I am just being a softie romantic! We'll see what becomes of them.

And then Kiptyn and Tenley are still "going strong." Honestly, something about them doesn't quite sit right with me... like I don't know, it seems like there's something disingenuous about them. Not really sure what their deal is, but hey--- whatever works.

We got a little bite from Mike Fleiss, who is the skeezy creator of the show... yeah, he is really skeezy. But tall (Mollie, I'm talking to you.) Actually I was really surprised by how tall several of them were. Kasey is really tall too. Kiptyn and Tenley are not.

But back to Fleiss... yeah, that is one skeezy dude. Has this been talked about or said before -- I totally feel like he bangs a lot of the girls. Or sad, pretty girls that WANT to be on the show. Just, ew...... or good for him...

And finally, we got blown off by Ali and Roberto's bitch-ass publicist. THEY were really nice and TOTALLY would have given us an interview, but we got stuck in the WORST position on the red carpet... DEAD LAST, like we weren't even ON the red carpet anymore, that's how far away we were. And when you are on the END like that, you don't get interviews, bc the stars are over it by that point, or their SNOTTY publicist pulls them away after they already conducted ten interviews. I got very huffy and started saying things like "OMG, you do NOT treat Entertainment Tonight like this!!! My producer will hear about this!!! We are the number one syndicated news magazine in the world!!!!!!!!" However, none of that helped. Unfortunately, we were there for the website (and umm, kind of my blog) so no one really gave an S.

Anyway, that's about it. Overall, it was a standard day, not great and not horrible. I just wish that I could somehow explain what it's really like to people. Like, I think the event itself was a bust. There was very small turnout... and it's at a CONVENTION center downtown. Maybe it is just me?? But I feel like there's something inherently creepy and kind of just off about convention centers. I can't imagine what it would be like to be one of these contestants that was on a few seasons ago and now just doing random things like Reality conventions?? The red carpet was pretty small. And red carpets are so weird in real life, because there really aren't glamorous. They aren't moving and pushing in close on people and zooming up their legs, doing fashion tilts on their dresses. I think that is the most different thing about red carpets in real life, versus red carpets seen through camera lenses.... in reality they are just so static.

Then anyway, I don't think there were hugely major press outlets there... or maybe there were... you can't necessarily tell, unless it's someone with a mic flag. And it's just weird to see them give interviews to people, just walking straight down the line. And they're talking to people who don't really personally care what they have to say most likely, bc it's just people who are there working, doing their own job--- the press. So you have to be pretty narcissistic and a bit disconnected from "reality" (haha) in my opinion to just go around and talk about yourself like that, over and over and over. Like, I guess it's one thing to do the show, then go back to your normal life -- aka my favorite Shawntel, the funeral director. But I guess I feel it's a bit odd to do a season, then just keep hanging on and going to creepy convention centers in your spare time. But hey --- who I am to judge?!??! Maybe they got paid a pile of money to do it or something??? Who the hell knows. (Or cares?)

That's all for now!!!! Royal wedding is approaching... that's nice. And I guess Ashley is currently in the process of filming The Bachelorette right now. Fun stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!

Yours in the Single Life,
Julie Julie

After the Final Bottle of Bailey's

Ok, so another day has dawned and I have had a chance to sober up calm down after watching "The Bachelor" finale. Yes, I will be quite honest, it took me a LOT of Bailey's to get through that pointless episode. After Womack proposed, I was just so drunk OVER it, that I went to bed.

The Take Home Message from last night: Don't Drink and Blog!

Anyway, now that it's the next day, I'm seeing some clips, etc, on TV of the After The Final Rose. So I am now watching that little "special," which seems like it actually IS interesting.

So obviously first out comes Chantal, to meet up with Brad. Womack walks out and is like "OHhhhhhhh it's awkward!!! It's SO AWKWARD!!" Uhmm, yeah NOW it is. So arrogant! And he's all "Oh, are you all right??!!" Please!! Yes, she is fine, she dodged a bullet by getting dumped by you. I don't know.... I found their conversation to be OK.When I was thinking all along that Brad was going to choose Chantal, I was thinking that I could really see them together, and that she really felt something special for him. But now that he did NOT choose her, I feel more like she is just that kind of annoying-ish, very pushy girl who kind of just gets whatever she wants. Which is good for her... but not so much my style. Another thing that really struck me about Chantal is that I really feel like she is just VERY open and has a VERY open heart. Like I just find it interesting that she can sit up there and fully cry and be emotional and sad over what happened with Brad, while at the same time having moved on and found another guy. Pretty interesting and I guess something to be admired... like it's the opposite of what Emily keeps saying about "not wanting to be hurt again."

So now to the main course --- Brad and Emily reunited on the stage together for the first time as a couple for the world to see. Wow. I don't really know what to make of all this. So BRAD says that he loves Emily so much, that he would marry her right now. He has been looking for her all his life and he is NOT going to let her go. He is even so paranoid about losing her, that he asks Chris is she is going to come out and break up with him.... definitely a valid concern and something that this show is NOT above!Emily comes out and we find out that she's really not so much into it. She claims they are "together" or whatever, and even "engaged," but that she is NOT going to marry him now, NOR is she even going to move to Austin right now.

So, wow, I don't know. What is everyone else's opinion?!?!?!?!!! I mean, I think she is obviously very SMART not to just jump into this ridiculously and pretend like it's all easy, breezy and beautiful. But also.... I really don't know if she really is even all that into him?? I mean, she could LITERALLY marry probably just about ANYONE she wanted to. So, I REALLY do not know if I see this working out. I mean, they ARE being honest, but uh.... I guess sometimes the truth hurts!

I was also kind of surprised to hear Emily talk about how jealous she was of watching Brad with all the other women. I don't think anyone has really admitted that before. Or if they did, they were like "Oh it sux, but I totally understand!!!" Like they have been so beaten down and just are so glad to be picked, that they will accept any treatment. But Emily is NOT like that. I think she KNOWS that she does not need to put up with that kind of shiz. I was also glad to hear her admit how boring she came off on the show.

When she was like "Well one of the issues we need to work out is his temper," I was like DAMN!!! That is pretty bad, in my opinion!!! If one of your flaws is having a bad temper, then uhmm... yikes!! I just don't know. I guess for me personally, that would be a deal-breaker!! But I guess there are some people out there who enjoy a bit of drama and spice in their relationships. ALSO, I did NOT really guess that about Brad actually!! I sensed that he had a darker, like drunker side, which his whole Texas Gentleman act is meant to cover, but I actually did NOT guess that he had anger management issues. Someone who I DID peg as an Angry Man was Mr. Jake Pavelka... but yeah, Brad hid it well from me!

Next up, they trot out the ONLY three successful couples in the history of the show. Right?? No one else made it, did they? Yet Harrison was like "Some of the favorite couples!" Hahahaha!! No, more like the ONLY couples that are still together.

I felt like this part was pretty funny, as they all tried to "relate" to Emily and give the "happy" couple advice. Not to be rude, but NONE of those girls comes close to being as beautiful as Emily, who I thought looked extra pretty last night. Her hair was SLIGHTLY darker blonde, and straighter... so she looked REALLY pretty... like the fake blonde Dolly Parton (who I love) look was toned down a little. Am I the only person who thinks Emily is like SOOOOOOO pretty, or does everyone feel that way? I mean, I know I'm in good company with Brad, but does everyone else think she is the prettiest girl ever made?

When Fedotowsky started giving Emily advice, I seriously was like laughing. Ali is ok, she is cute enough, I guess.... but comparing her to Emily is just funny. I mean, I know the point of all this wasn't to compare looks and all that, but I kind of felt like none of the girls could REALLY relate to Emily, because she is just SO pretty and sweet, that I think what she's really thinking is -- Uhmm... yeah is this REALLY worth it, when she could go have her pick from ANY man she wanted and not have to deal with all this. I just don't think people who aren't that beautiful can really understand what that is like.So good old Molly of Molly and Jason fame got a nice slam in to all the bloggers out there!! She made fun of us for sitting behind a computer and just writing stuff!!!

Anyway, then they replayed the engagement that we had seen a mere hour earlier for Brad and Emily to watch and behold. So obviously I had been watching the whole episode, thinking I was so clever for noticing that Emily didn't have her ring on... but then they just HAD to pull one final trick out of the bag... it was being RE-SIZED!! Awwww... how sweet! I needn't have worried.

Evidently, Chris Harrison was wearing Emily's engagement ring for safe keeping this whole episode!!

So, there's that!!

That's all she wrote. Brad and Emily are not doing press today, and issued this statement:

"At long last, Emily and I can be open to the world and each other about our relationship. Though we are madly in love, it has been a bumpy couple of months for us and our priority right now is to focus on our relationship. We hope that you can respect our privacy as we return to normalcy and begin our off-screen lives together."

We shall see!!!

Until next time......

Julie Julie

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!!

Well, we have come a long way... we are almost there!!!! Only three women left for Brad to choose from. As per use, we start off in New York City. The editors recycle a shot from last week of Brad standing on his balcony and try to pass it off as if he was standing out there on that porch in the same clothing this week thinking about his harem.Then he goes back inside, laces up his shoes and catches a flight to South Africa. He spends the first segment of his trip, just as he leaves New York, thinking about his girl, Chantal O. He is comfortable and himself with Chantal. They have a connection, no doubt about it. He has wanted a piece of her ever since she slapped his face that first night after getting out of the limo. However, Chantal also is a roller coaster.

As he approaches the north eastern coast of the continent of Africa, his thoughts turn to Ashley. She is almost like magic... she really is. Funny, intelligent, "professional" woman (if by professional, you mean still in school). But Ashley has some insecurities about their relationship, as opposed to putting all her trust into Brad, a man who is dating thirty other women.

Finally as his plane closes in on South Africa, he fantasizes about Emily.... who is one in a million. However, he is intimated by her past. Poor Brad.... he really has some TOUGH decisions to make this week!!!!Here in Sabi Sands, South Africa, his first date will be with Chantal O. He rolls up in a Safari hat to pick her up. So now that I have seen Chantal O's house, it puts a whole new spin on everything I think about her and all their trips. For example, I don't really believe that she is feeling shocked or spoiled or surprised by any of the exotic locations anymore. I bet she has probably traveled all around the world in high style several times over. I doubt she was all "Ohhhh South Africa, really?!?!?!" She was probably more like "Oh yeah, SA... I know a GREAT safari company there!! You get plastic surgery then recover in the safari!" Costa Rica?? "Oh, I like CR, but I really like Bermuda better."Ok so anyway, after they take a wild animal tour and spot some lions, which was Brad's MAIN goal, you guys... they have a picnic lunch by the hippo pit. Now did you guys know that hippopotami are EXTREMELY mean and aggressive animals?? I did not know this until my Dad informed me one day at the zoo. "Hippos are very aggressive towards humans, whom they commonly attack whether in boats or on land with no apparent provocation." So I think maybe they should not have been eating there so casually.During lunch, Brad tells Chantal, "Would it be weird to say I miss your family?" Chantal thinks that is really nice of him. I mean, what girl DOESN'T want a man who not only accepts but actually LIKES her family?!?!

Anyway, later they go eat dinner. So, sorry if this blog post is not as long as others... but this episode was extremely boring, and I really don't even have that many opinions/comments to make on it. It was just three dates. But ok, whatever.

So Brad and C are eating dinner and Chantal can barely contain herself, she is so eager to get the overnight card. I wouldn't really consider that a good thing. But I don't know, I do feel like these two are comfortable together.... so I guess that's good?? I don't know sorry, I just don't really have a deep opinion about them. So after Brad accepts her pouncing on him, they go spend the night in a tree house. BITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'd be SOUR if I drew that date card and had to bunk out in the wild with mosquitoes sucking my sweet blood all night long!!! Overnight date FAIL.

Next up is Emily or "Em" as Brad so creatively and endearingly calls her. After greeting each other with the good old fashion run and jump, Brad then tells Em to hang tight because he forgot something that he needs to go back for "really quickly." After leaving Emily waiting for just long enough to start to piss her off, he re-emerges riding elephant-back.

Emily freaks out because this is her EXACT fantasy!!!! My, what a specific fantasy! "I have ALWAYS wanted to go to South Africa and ride an elephant."

So they take an elephant ride around town, scoping out the scenery. So everyone, such as Grace Oh, is like "Oh yeah, he's in love with Emily, I see it now." Honestly, I don't know if I see it. I guess???? I don't know. Actually I don't. Maybe I do?? No, I don't. Really. He is just so boring and has no sense of humor, same goes for the Em-ster. I mean, I can obviously see how Emily is a good catch, bc she is pretty and sweet and from Charlotte. I don't really see what she sees in Brad. Omg, I don't know. Again, I really don't have a deep opinion.Anyway, they go have lunch and Brad busts out what is apparently his LINE: "I miss your fam." REALLY!!?? I bet Chantal was PISSSED when she saw him say that on TV. I would have been!!!! So un-genuine!!!! He uses the same line on all the girls "Ohhhh I miss your fam!!!" NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whatever!!!! Also, I would just like to say that that is a TOTAL player line, now that I think about it. It's akin to saying to a girl you met that night "Oh wow, our babies would be so beautiful." HAAAAAAAA yeah right!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like that is really what guys are thinking about the night they met you. FALSE. They have just realized it's a good way to get to the girl, bc that is what SHE is secretly thinking. Then she will fall for it, and go tell all her girlfriends "OMG you guys... HE was like talking about our babies and stuff... hehehehe, I just like wanted to date!." Whatever, she totally wants to marry him. Anyway, I digress.So after lunch, they go straight to dinner. They spout some crap about Rikki or something, I don't know, I couldn't really focus bc I was so bored. She busts out that she is falling in love with him. And he is like "I'm falling in love with you too." Ouch... I don't think he's ever said that to Chantal, has he?? Despite her declarations that she IS IN love with him. Well whatever. So he breaks out the fantasy suite card from Chris. Emily says some irrelevant stuff about setting a good example for Ricky-tick. Irrelevant, bc she happily accepts the card and spends the night with him anyway.Ok, finally on to an interesting date... Ashley's. Interesting bc of how awful it was!! So Ashley rolls up in some cruiser driven by a native and meets up with Brad.Brad announces that they will be taking a HELICOPTER ride! Upon hearing this news, Ashley squeals with horror and in fact actually runs away. It was really the opposite of cute and endearing and in fact just annoying. So after she prances around about how helicopters are her WORST fear... again, so very specific. "My WORST fear is flying to South Africa, getting the third date with Brad and taking a helicopter ride!" .... they finally get in the chopper and fly over to some cliff to have a picnic.Brad again uses the "I <3 href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiireyPEzNYHl1kXMwc9MnmUguy6xgQmGO1iue5zN3uf7MS0CqcUixIvZyZ2Ia7Zd26yZ9z5E2dAOdiIN1evpktPg1mV1JKMh5JwaJaluRPHXbF4FSr6z7YLr4VIUBKs_qetAak1ocgpd62/s1600/ashley+toast.jpg">So I think The Take Home Message of this episode is to be HIGHLY SKEPTICAL of a man who gushes ONNNN about how much he likes your family. As you can clearly see -- that is a GREAT gimmick to use on a woman. Look how all THREE of these ladies ATE IT UP!!!!!!! I think it's clear that guys know that is a great way to get to you. So obviously you DO want a guy that likes and gets along with your family... but I'm just saying -- GIVE IT TIME. Time is the only TRUE test of a man's intentions. Don't let him meet your fam once and then believe he's in love with them and going to watch the Super Bowl next year at your family's annual party while you show off your large engagement rock to all your distant aunts and cousins.

DAMN!

Can you tell I am cynical?!?!?!?!

Anyway, over lunch, they talk about their future planz. Brad starts totally fishing for Ashley to say "I would TOTALLY drop everything and move to Austin for you, if you proposed!" However, Ashley does NOT take the bait, which I loved. So, I'm not really a fan, nor am I an anti-fan of Ashley. I'm pretty neutral on her... the only thing I didn't really like about her was her two-on-one date with the other Ashley, where I felt she wasn't as nice to the other Ash. But whatever. After this hideous date, I actually started liking Ashley a lot more. I loved how she was like "Oh.... I'd like to live in southern Maine... I don't know." Mentioning like every place on the globe basically besides Austin. HAHAHAHA!!!

Brad then tries to imply that she has no balance in her life and is too focused on her career, just like HE WAS... 87+ years ago. She tries to agree and say something about having fun too, and he gets all kinds of defensive and is like "Uhhmm I didn't say that I didn't have fun."

So things started getting awkward, which I enjoyed. They wrap up their picnic and go have dinner, where things proceed to go TERRIBLY wrong. Brad calls her out for not saying that she wants to live in Austin. And I started liking her even more, bc she still didn't say "Oh, did I say that, I would TOTALLY live in Austin!!" Instead she is like "Uhmmm I've never been there, wtf?? Why would I commit to living there!?" HAHAHAHA!!!But basically, I kind of felt like Ashley was over him by this point. I'm not sure what happened, bc up until now, Brad has done nothing but drive her completely insane and make her totally neurotic and insecure. But now, she was totally over him. Maybe she met another guy during her time back at home chilling with her family before she went to SA. I don't know. Maybe she had a personal revelation that she doesn't need a guy who makes her insane. Whatever it was, I think she was OVER him by this date. She wasn't even bothering to fake an interest in giving up her schooling and hauling her cookies to Austin.... so this of course frustrated Brad to no end, bc he wants a woman to just never question him and move where he says.

So Ashley too accepts the overnight date... but they are really "off their game" by now. As things get more and more awkward, Ashley is like "So, what do you think of the mosquito nets?" And Brad acts like really nasty and put out. All exasperated and angry... it was really mean. She was just trying to break the ice... bc he certainly has no sense of humor. Whatever. Another date FAIL!

All right, so next up, Chris Harrison flew in to dish with Brad about his women. I am not even going to front here, I totally fast forwarded right through this shiz. That is four minutes and forty-one seconds of my life I saved right there.Finally it's time for the rose ceremony. All three ladies are lined up by the swamp, eagerly waiting for Brad. He shows up all nervous and pompous, and asks to take Ashley aside and talk to her "really quickly."

So I actually really did like this part and thought it was very nice of him to just dump her privately during a convo rather than have some ridiculous 3-way rose ceremony. And I also actually liked her reactions, which were pretty funny. As soon as he is like, I need to say good-bye, she stood up instantly and is like "OK BYE!" Then Brad was all trying to eat his cake and have it too... "Wait, don't be mad, can't we at least talk?" Then Ashley is like "What, I'm not going to beg." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Another brilliant dumpee line!!!I also enjoyed her comment of "Wow, I'm really surprised." HAHAHAH!!! That's another funny line. Next time I get dumped, I am going to be like: "WOW... now THAT is a shocking decision on your part!!" Hahahahahaa!!!

Now true to form, Brad's jerky side now came out. He can't just dump anyone without first being mean and insulting them with his brutal and unnecessary honesty: "Ok, well yeah, I'm confident in my decision.... let me walk you out." Hahahahahah RUDE! But in order to not be sexist, I guess I should say I liked his line too. So next time I dump someone and they start mouthing off to me, I'm going to say "Yeah, I'm confident in my decision." Hahahaha!!!Anyway, after Ashley departs, Brad decides to continue and hold the rose ceremony anyway, just to "make sure" they want to accept the rose from him. By rejecting Ashley alone, he totally stole Chris Harrison's thunder, which I also thought was pretty rude.

Next week, they stay in Africa... wait actually, next week the Women Tell All. Whoooo can't wait for that one!!

Then the week after that, they stay in SA and Brad pix the final one. So really, I don't understand why they don't go back to Austin and meet his family in his actual hometown... LAME. I mean, Ashley had a good point: I've never been to Austin. You can BET I wouldn't be accepting an engagement proposal and committing to live in a place I've never been!!!

Oh My Godsauce!!!


Yours in the Single Life,
Julie Julie

PS -- BTW
Here is a CLASSY video that emerged this week. It is of Brad and his bros rocking out to Firework by Katy Perry. Do take note of the can of Miller Lite that his brother has balanced on the STEERING WHEEL of the CAR he is DRIVING. NOT the kind of man I'd want to marry or have around my children!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not impressed!!!