Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Women Tell All!!!

Well we have been waiting for this all season!! One of the best episodes can be when the (Wo)men Tell All. Luckily this was a pretty good one. Sometimes the Tell Alls are super boring. Now the challenge for me is -- what am I possibly going to put in the thought bubbles this week?!?!?!!?!!! Hmm.... well I'll see if I can come up with anything!So first up, we are treated to Womack's version of the season. He made several erroneous and/or offensive claims. First off, I was deeply when offended when he "admitted" that Shawntel's funeral home date was "awkward.... yeah, it was a little awkward... I'm not ready to think about death, YET." RUDE!!!!!!!!!! Listen Brad, it's not ABOUT death, it's how she makes her LIVING. I don't know... I just think it's really immature not to be able to take an innocent tour of a funeral home. As I have mentioned numerous times, my family on my Mom's side were funeral directors and I just think it's time that we all get over it and deal with it. There are worse ways to make a living.Moving along, Brad then said that he is happier to be at this Tell All than he was to be at the other one, because "even the goodbyes were gracious." HA!!! Were they??? Because I thought they were all pretty harsh.
OK - now we got to go to the casting couch call for "Bachelor Pad." Let's see... what of note happened here? Well, Vienna debuted her shorter hair. That DEFINITELY looks better on her, she should keep it... like when Grace made me cut my hair: good move! Grace's favorite, most beautiful woman of all time, Rozlyn was there... but she didn't look QUITE as pretty, if you want my opinion.So remember how everyone hated Vienna, but Gia defended her? Well, Gia went on to date Wes, who then went on to sleep with Vienna. Gia and Vienna had a Twitter war over it! So Gia told us that the rule of Women is to not sleep with or talk to your friend's exes. But the rule of Skank is to go for it. She is right. But this just goes to prove that women are shady. I used to be a card-carrying member of The Sisterhood, but then enough times girls who are friends of friends, etc, acted shady that I had to turn in my membership and now I am no longer a member. So I have to be friends with a girl for a long time or be her sister to believe she is a member of the sisterhood. Gia is so innocent!!!So we'll see who gets to be on "Pad" I guess. The whole affair made me want to get into a Time Machine, travel back to when I was eighteen, then instead of going to college, just move to Los Angeles, lose 50 pounds, get super drunk and be part of the "Bachelor" family where I would do nothing but drink and hang out in mansions sunning by the pool all day (because also in my fantasy I would have lovely olive skin instead of being basically allergic to the sun). I would hang out with all the hot men and all the hot ladies and life would be perfect. Then I would marry one of the Bachelors and we would move into our own mansion and have little Bachelor babies, and the whole thing would be funded by ABC. Yikes.So anyway, we cut back to Chris Hare, who goes "Yes, it's one big, bizarre, dysfunctional family." Did you notice how the word "happy" was notably lacking from his description??? He didn't say they were a HAPPY dysfunctional family, just that they were bizarre. Which he is right. So, I also think that Harrison is kind of over this gig.
This is the vibe I get from him: when he started out, he had big dreams of being a serious journalist, much like Anderson Cooper. He took a couple hosting gigs along the way, to help pay the bills. When a little show came along called "The Bachelor," he had a little credit card debt he figured he could pay off with the money. He never expected it to last 20 thousand seasons and be such a big hit. Now, he is Chris Harrison, host of The Bachelor, and that IS how he will be earning his living. It's a good living, so he can't really complain... but his soul hurts a little bit on the inside.
Anyway, back in the studio, it's time for the Women to Tell All and get catty with it. They all kind of go at it at first, then we get into specific victims. First to go sit in the hot seat is Melissa, of Raichel vs. Melissa fame. I don't exactly remember what I thought of this drama at the time that it played out, but last night, Raichel DEFINITELY came off looking like the insane one. Melissa seems like she is not very bright and has several screws loose upstairs. But Raichel seems like she is just MEAN and vicious.My feelings about Jackie got a little mixed up last night. It really bummed me out to see her, because she is such a dork and I am NOT a fan of her or her prissiness. However, she did start calling out some truths that I kind of did have to agree with... so it was a very emotionally confusing time for me. For example, she said that Melissa didn't ruin Raichel's chances with"The Bachelor" (as Rach claimed) but that Rach ruined her own chances by acting like a fool. Truth!!!
Next up to the hot seat is Michelle, of "Psycho-Michelle" drama and fame. Her main antagonizer was Stacey, though many of the other girls also were not into her. So, I don't know. I kind of just didn't find the Michelle drama that interesting anymore. Michelle's defense is that she has an extremely dry sense of humor. I get that.... I mean, I do have friends with very dry humor that is sometimes lost even on me. But at the same time, Michelle really doesn't strike me as especially funny or witty. Sooo.... eh, I don't know. I guess I just don't really have much of an opinion on her. It was at this point that I lost so much interest in the show that I got up and started doing dishes and generally straightening up around my house. That is pretty bad, as I basically never do dishes or straighten up. The Michelle crap dragged on through two commercial segments and was so boring that I managed to wash all my dishes, put away all my clean clothes, pick up everything off my floor and pack a gym bag for the next morning.
FINALLY when that was over and I came back to my senses, it was Ashley S's turn in the hot seat. I always liked Ashley S. and was sympathetic to her cause. I felt really bad for her when she got dumped by Brad with a punny little saying. It devastated her and she couldn't stop crying. She didn't especially seem like she was really over it last night either, but I guess she seemed ok. I know exactly how she feels though... when she was saying "I feel like I am finally doing everything right and learning from all my past mistakes and I really thought it was going to work out this time." And I also especially relate to her saying all her past relationships were bad, since that is basically how I also feel and I too "can't take it anymore." Oh wait... those might be my words, not hers. But whatever, I know how she feels. But it IS kind of interesting, bc why DOES she feel like that? She is cute, funny and nice, so I really wouldn't think she would have relationship issues. Just like everyone thinks about Jennifer Aniston!Anyway, she also completely validated what I was saying all along, which was how much it hurt when Brad said that crap about "You will make a good wife, you will NOT make a good wife for me." What a jerk!!!!!!!! She said she wanted "closure" or more of a explanation, or whatever.... but she didn't get it. I mean, Brad DID say she WOULD be a good wife... but she missed that part and only heard the part about her not being a good wife for HIM. So whatever, Brad is a jerk and she can do better.

The only advice I would really have for her is: the truth is over-rated. She should definitely start lying to herself, instead of focusing on all the negative ways in which men treat her. For example, remember that one chick who got thrown off and was all "F Brad, I could be dating a million men tomorrow if I wanted." Yeah, that attitude might help Ashley S with her depression over men. She should just start thinking that way, she would feel better then.
Next, along comes Ashley H. to the hot seat. The biggest news here is that she now has brown hair. As with the other Ashely, this too stirred up many emotions for me. I actually do think that she looks good with the brownish reddish hair. It makes her look more mature and sophisticated. However, I'm not sure that I've really known her long enough to be able to process such a drastic hair change. I also thought that she looked good blonde, which made her look younger, cuter and more fun.She claims that this is her "natural color," which I don't believe. Check out her roots. It looks like she has that dark ashy blonde hair that isn't really any color. It kind of sucks on its own, but then the good news is that you can easily dye it to any color you want. So this really hit a personal note for me, because I too am thinking about dyeing my hair back to brown. Right now it is fake, bright blonde. And my hair unfortunately is a few shades darker than hers naturally, so it doesn't dye blonde easily, even though I look pale and like I could easily be blonde. It's really expensive and roots are a pain in my ass. Please vote below if you think I should go back to brown or stay blonde, thanks!!Ok. So back to Ashley's feelings for B-dub. I found myself liking Ashley more at this WTA. I don't know how, when, where, why, etc, but Ashley really seems like she is totally over Brad. I really did feel all season that she is NOT a jealous, nervous and neurotic person, but that Brad made her FEEL that way. I think she must have realized that at some point along the way too, because she seems pretty chill and NOT upset over Brad AT ALL. Brad himself even admitted it at one point that he "wasn't that guy" that could just make her feel calm and assured.

Also -- according to Reality Steve, he has reported that Ashley H. will be The Next Bachelorette. I am ok with that... HOWEVER, if they start seriously pulling this whole pile of "I focused too much on my career, when I should have been gallivanting around, sleeping with all the other dental students to find my husband, but now I'm changed and ready to put some random guy I met a few weeks ago on a reality TV show first," crap, then I will be ANNOYED.Finally, out comes the Womack himself. He proceeds to creep me out right off the bat by saying, "I don't want to get in trouble here, because I promised my significant other I wouldn't be that excited to see all you women. But sorry BABE, it is SO GREAT to see y'all!!!"

EW!!!!!! That really makes me think he is going to pick Emily. She seems like the kind of wife/woman you would say that about. "Oh, I don't want to upset my beautiful, precious wifey!!! Sorry Babe!!" Again this really hit a personal nerve for me... as you can tell, this was a very emotional episode for me. So is this what it takes to get a man??? We have to find someone and break them in and train them like they are some kind of dog?

"Bad, Braddie, don't look at the other women!"

"Good, Braddie, tell me ALLLL your inner feelings."

"What did I say about having more than 2.5 beers in one night, and then driving home, Braddie?"UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! G-d d@mn it!!!! I guess I will be single forever, as I have NO desire to modify someone else's behavior!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................. GROSS!!

I'm so upset right now, I'm not sure if I can finish this blog.... Sigh.

Ok. Anyway, I don't think Brad really said or did anything else noteworthy during his interview. Did he?? That I forgot about? Who knows...So I have been meaning to say this all season. Is anyone else a fan of the author, Sandra Brown??? She used to write trashy romance novels, and then kind of veered into mystery. Most of her manly heroes are tall, dark, handsome and from Texas.... and I kind of picture them looking exactly like one Bradly Womack. The only difference would be that if Brad was one of her men, he would be sharp and witty and very hard to understand, yet have a softer, gentler side that was looking for the right woman to break through his rugged exterior.Anyway, next up, ABC makes us all feel like a bunch of jerks for worrying about our petty first world problems, when there are small children who can barely get an education and don't even have hot water.

And finally, we get both a refresher course on Brad's relationship w/ Chantal and Emily as well as a preview of what's coming up in his relationship. They make it look like he storms out on Emily, although I SEVERELY doubt that happens.I have to say, I think he should pick Chantal, he looks more comfortable around her. Everyone is saying he is in love with Emily, which I also did finally get, when they re-showed her walking out of the limo last night. I don't know. I'm just not sure Emily would really be that into Brad.

All in all, I feel pretty emotionally UN-vested in whomever he chooses. I can't relate to Brad, Emily OR Chantal on ANY level.

Oh yeah, and I also didn't find the out-takes that great or hilarious.

Yours in the Single Life,
Julie Julie
PS --- Does anyone remember the time when Chantal told Brad that her Dad cheated on her Mom and got some other girl pregnant and that she has some random half sister or brother or something running around out there?? Awkward!!!

PPS --- This chick was really pretty. He should never have sent her home!!!

1 comment:

  1. Humm.......what to address first. Ashley's hair. i do NOT support doing a complete makeover to go to TWTA. It was kind of like when i watched Jennifer Grey on DWTS last season. I knew who she was SUPPOSED to be, but it was really hard to tell....I also think Ash is dropping bombs about how she wants to be the next Bach, I noticed she threw in the line "I'm soooo ready to start dating again and move on with my life"..uh-huh. And, think about this. IF Brad did NOT choose Emily, you can guarantee that ABC would have made her the next Bachelorette. Now, maybe they offered it to her and she said no. But I'm just saying, there is NO way ABC chose Ash over Em to be the next Bachelorette. So....that fact alone makes me think he chooses Em.
    Which is my next point. I think this is the first time in FOREVER that I can honestly say i have NO idea WHO he is going to pick. I mean, I am REALLY confused - so good job ABC. I feel like on their trip to Africa, he just really DID TREAT her like he's madly in love with her - BUT, he doesn't SEEM like he is. He does however seem like he's REALLY INTO Chantel. So, that is why i am REALLY confused. I guess we're just not seeing all of it. Maybe him and Em DO have fun together but they just edit ALL of it out, cause I've never ONCE seen them look like they're having a good time - never once. Who knows - also, there IS a crying scene w/him hugging Em and HE is the one crying next week....maybe she leaves him....I know a girl who knows a girl who knows Em (i am from Charlotte you know) and she said that she can tell from being around Em that she is NOT w/Brad....So, I'm severely confused. Honestly, at this point I think I will be more surprised if he picks Chantel.
    Back to the WTA. I wanted to throw up ON Jackie last night, which is funny and ironic bc Julie did NOT like Jackie during the show and I did. Then Julie liked Jackie on the WTA and I couldn't STAND her. She reminded me of a 18 yr old gitty girl at summer camp. I can't stand her now! UGH. I was also disappointed that we didn't hear a PEEP from Shawntel last night!!!!
    Regarding Michelle, i did think it was interesting that a LOT of the girls defended her. The house seemed pretty divided right down the line on Michelle. I also liked that Brad said he would defend her till he was blue in the face. I also can NOT fathom going on ABC in front of a live audience knowing that millions of people were watching and being attacked for my humor and character - that is frightening, i would have been crying hysterically too.
    I got all excited when they showed Rosslyn, the Goddess, but sadly, i have to agree with Julie. At first i was like, "omg.there she is" then i was like, "uhhhhhh.....she's not looking as beautiful as she used to..." so that was slightly disappointing.

    I vote brown, as i do not think it's worth the $$$$$$$$$ to maintain a hair color that is not your own. And since i do NOT believe in roots, that would mean having your hair dye like once a month. and i don't make enough dollar bills to spend on hair dye.


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