Dissertation on Charlie Sheen

Ok y'all, so NO, this is NOT Bachelor related, but I think we all really need a safe space to vent about Charlie Sheen. For this week's (Monday, Feb. 28 - Final 3 dates in South Africa) re-cap, click HERE or scroll down below!!! That re-cap is up!! But I have more pressing matters trying to get out of my brain right now.Ok -- so Charlie Sheen is a stark, raving mad lunatic!!! And I have thoughts and feelings about Charlie that go WAY BACK.

Once upon a time, when I was just a young lass, fresh out to Los Angeles, circa 2003, a new little sitcom started up, called "2.5 Men." I was there from the beginning... not ON the show or set or anything, but covering it. I remember when it first came on the air, and that cute little kid actor, Angus. Sidenote: why in the HELL would you name your child Angus?!?!?!?! Anyway, I didn't think much of it, because let's face it: most sitcoms FAIL. But I do remember interviews with Jon Cryer and Angus, and that kid was cute.

So some time wore on and apparently the sitcom was doing well. Personally, I don't really get it, because I don't personally see the humor in womanizers. But I can honestly say I've NEVER seen even one episode of that show, so I guess I can't talk. I have seen a few scenes here and there, but usually after a few minutes get so offended or disgusted that I have to change the station.Well one day, Denise Richards did a guest-starring role in the show and we were behind the scenes. I was GREEN with envy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I felt like she had EVERYTHING I wanted!!!

Back in those days, I still had dreams of being a famous actress. So I was jealous of all the actresses. But furthermore, she was all cute and I can't remember if she was pregnant, or just had their one cute little daughter. And she was married and was on a sitcom. So my OTHER dream in life is to work on a sitcom and THAT dream really has NOT faded, unlike my aspirations to be a famous actress. Plus she was all married and happy-(seeming) and her husband was a sitcom star.

So basically she had like EVERYTHING I could ever have dreamed of wanting, as far as I was concerned. She was cute, famous, pretty, married, rich, had a cute baby and was guest-starring on a sitcom. I think the only thing that would have made me more jealous is if she was like 21 and had a twin sister... bc I also get jealous of YOUNG successful people all the time and I always wanted a TWIN!! (Example: I am SUPER jealous of the Olsen twins!!!!... or I used to be... but still kind of am, actually... but then kind of not, bc now that I am older, I really would NOT want to be famous!!! But I WOULD like to have billions in the bank and be 21!!!)Anyway... Sarah was like "Dude, don't worry about them, SERIOUSLY. They have problems too. NO ONE's life is perfect, not even sitcom stars, not even rich people, not even successful 21 year old millionaires." So I was like "Yeah, you are right," and tried to console myself that maybe it WOULD actually suck to be rich and famous. Ha!!

Well, I am sure that I would have forgotten all about that set visit if the saga had not continued.

But little did I know that the drama was just getting started!

So, soon enough, Denise is pregnant with their second baby and filing for divorce. Now, I think that really says something BAD when a PREGNANT lady is filing for divorce!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, really now!!!!!!! You have to do something pretty bad for your wife to leave you when she is PREGNANT.So obviously I was interested in this story, since I had been SO jealous of them just a short time ago!!!

SIDE NOTE: I think that Charlie Sheen might have been known as a bad boy or something in the 80s, but I'm not really sure. You see, I wasn't really allowed to watch much television in my youth (ironic career path I've chosen???). So I spent most of the 80s listening to Burl Ives, dancing around in my living room, coloring and playing make-believe with my sisters. Yes, I was approximately 13. There are some drawbacks to being the oldest :( So anyway, maybe if I had known that Charlie was bad news, I wouldn't have been so jealous in the first place.

ANYWAY... being interested in this divorce story between Charlie and Denise, I paid extra special attention to it. Not very noble of me obviously, but I definitely REVELED in their fall, as I thought to myself: "WOW, now THAT sucks!!!! I am GLAD that I am not you!!!!!!! One day I will marry a GREAT guy and live happily ever after and NOT get divorced!!!" Ha!!! We'll see.

So, Denise wrote this long complaint to the court, spelling out all the erratic and crazy stuff that Charlie did. I read the whole thing one day at work!!!!!!!!! And seriously, just seeing a snippet or quote from it would NOT do it any justice. You had to read ALLL the pages to get the full effect. It was clearly something that SHE actually wrote FROM THE HEART. It wasn't a fine piece of literature or anything, all perfect and structured. No, it was clearly something that a distressed woman took the time to write out and think through as she tried to take back the night.

You can read it HERE. It's 17 pages long and I read the whole thing back in the day.

I don't remember everything it said, but I remember a few things... he was like talking smack about her Mom who had cancer, like HIDEOUS things. He was paranoid about his daughters and didn't want to vaccinate them or take them to the doctor or give them vitamins, like weird paranoid stuff... even if you are skeptical of vaccinations, he was like crazy. Yeah, I really don't remember all the specific allegations, just that I really believed them and everything she wrote. Kind of like this whole post. It's not that well written and it's pretty specific, and also implicates myself, so I'm obviously not LYING about my jealousy, etc. That is what her letter was like.So at that point, I was like -- hot damn!!! Charlie IS a crazy bastard!!! And that is the point when I became anti-Charlie. I was totally on Team Denise. And actually that wasn't really the popular opinion back then. I think most people thought that SHE was crazy. They thought he was the big rich sitcom star, and she was a psycho, hysterical, bitter ex-wife.

But I KNEW Charlie was a MEAN bastard. And this is not just from Denise's letter to the court either. He has "mean mouth." This is a term I made up, where his lips are always pressed together in this hugely angry scowl. And he was also like going on this press tour, talking tons of S about Denise. Like he was just so INNOCENTLY trying to live his life, and this hysterical woman wouldn't just let him be in peace. Well, that is just obviously not true, in the sense that... if you were really so grandiose and SUCH the bigger and better person, then you really wouldn't be talking to the press AT ALL about your "psycho ex."

So it was around this time that he joined forces with Brooke Mueller.... his new girlfriend. So they were like on a press tour, promoting how insane Denise was, and Brooke would all chime in to his defense like "Yeah, she is SOOOOOOO jealous of us!!! It's crazy, we are just trying to live and let live!!!!"

And I was like "Broooke... what in the HELL are you thinking??? How can you NOT realize that your ass is going to be the one he knocks around next!?!?!?!?!" I mean, take some serious heed yo, if he's doing a press tour slandering his ex. As Dr. Phil says -- past behavior is the best predictor of FUTURE behavior. SERIOUSLY! Wow.

Beware y'all of your flame's relations to their ex's bc good chance that will be YOU one day!!! Oopps..... hmmm maybe I should watch my mouth since I pretty much either don't remember or HATE my exes!! Actually I don't hate any of them... only ONE. I would mention his name, but then I would have to spit, and I'm in my office! Uhmm... I mean, I'm at home blogging in my spare time. I have ONE nice ex, who I really like, and his name is Jeremy. Anyway, I am seriously digressing.

So. As I was saying... yeah, seriously watch out for how people treat their ex's. Now, let's say for example that someone really DID have a psycho ex. Now, that really does suck. Especially if you have kids together, and yes, I am sure that would be incredibly frustrating and difficult to deal with. However, you can still tell a lot about the person by how they DO deal with it.

So somehow Brooke TOTALLY missed all the warning signs and went ahead and married Charlie like a DUMB ASS.Now, this was not that long ago, and by this point, my jealousy has QUITE faded for pretty much ALL famous people, as I have now realized that being famous is NOT cool and that I DEFINITELY do not want that in my life. Also, after my stint doing improv, I also realized that I have no big desire to perform, as I don't really like being on stage, bc it makes me feel fat. However, I WAS funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always feel the need to mention that, bc I feel like when I tell people that I did improv, but quit, I can see them internally cringing at the thought of this tall, quiet, shy girl on stage trying to be funny... but I WASS!!!! People laffed, yo!!! (With me?? At me??? I dunno).

BTW - I WOULD still like to work on a sitcom, I would perform for that, or write or whatever... just not be a PA and get ppl coffee... and I would also still gladly accept millions into my bank account and the chance to be 23 again!

Anyway, so yeah, Brooke marries Charlie like some kind of FOOL!!!! And the press was all covering it like it was so cute and happy and they had some sort of inappropriately elaborate wedding, etc. And everyone in the world acts like this is all normal, and happy and that Charlie is this great guy who's the big star of a great sitcom.

And the whole time, I was sitting in my little hidey hole nay-saying the whole thing!! Going "WTF WTF WTF WTF. This is NOT going to end well!!!"

So, NOT SURPRISINGLY at all to me, Thanksgiving or whatever, Christmas?? I don't know, I can't remember the timeline... but out in Colorado, the police get a call and Brooke M. is like "My husband, Charlie Sheen is holding a knife to my throat!!" NICE!!!!!!!!!! You can even listen to the call HERE. I remember being at home during the time, so it was definitely over some holiday and I was all kinds of "I KNEW IT!!!!" And reading the news. And everyone was like "Uhmm wow Julie, do you have a life?" (Apparently, I did not!)

So that relationship devolved into a steaming pile of abuse and BS, just like his other one! Oh wait, but not before she had his twins --- Bob and Max... because he was backlashing against the trend of giving your babies abstruse names that no one has ever heard of, nor can pronounce.Anyway, so now they're divorced (or divorcing?? I think it's been finalized). And I've felt for a long time that he is a TOTAL JERK and complete woman-abuser.

So, I guess that's the thing for me. The reason that I really strongly can't get down with him is because he is seriously a total woman-beater and abuser. So for awhile now, I've been offended on behalf of all women everywhere for all his ravings and living with porn stars or "Goddesses."

I am not really sure what started this recent unraveling in the media, actually. What happened, like he missed work on 2.5 Men for a minute or something?? Then did a radio interview insulting Chuck Lorre, the creator of 2.5 Men? I really don't know, but he has just started making all these totally CRAZY remarks to like EVERY MEDIA OUTLET that will listen. I bet I could get an interview with him for my blog!!!!!!!!!!!

So then they finally cancel the show for the rest of the season due to the "totality of his actions and statements." And now he has just given out so many golden quotes that I can't even keep up.

The New York Times brought up an interesting point --- abusing women and doing piles of cocaine didn't get Charlie fired, but insulting the producer did. Check it!! (I didn't read the whole thing).

Now my emotions go three ways for Charlie.

1 - On the one hand I am DEFINITELY laughing at his quotes. I mean, they are hilarious and bizarre. And he just keeps coming up with more and MORE of them!!! Today, when his twins got taken away, he said "Tiger blood now drips from my fangs." HAHAHAHA!!! To allegations that he is bi-polar, he says "I'm not bi-polar, I'm bi-winning." Really, there's no end to the string of bizarre and hilarious comments he's making lately.

2 - On the other hand, I kind of feel like we are all laughing at and making fun of a mentally ill person, which I kind of feel bad about.

3 - And finally on the THIRD hand, I don't feel bad at all, because he's a misogynistic woman abuser who has left behind FOUR children under the age of seven and two beaten ex-wives in the wake of his destruction.

So that basically sums up my feelings. His general point now is that he is a ROCK STAR who is WINNING and the rest of us are LOSERS. The reason he is WINNING is because he is now shacking up with not one, but TWO women... or "Goddesses" he flies all over the world in a jet and drives a fancy car, does tons of drugs and generally does whatever he wants.

Now, I think that most people can see that he is pretty mad. BUT... I feel like some people are going "Well, he DOES sort of have a point... I mean, he CAN do whatever he wants, and who WOULDN'T want porn stars and expensive cars?!!!?" So whenever I hear that, I get re-offended on behalf of womankind!!!!!!!So now I would just like to give MY opinion on his lifestyle. First off -- do whatever you want, I really don't care. BUT, I am definitely not IMPRESSED with it. I mean, it's just hedonistic and selfish, which sure we all have a right to be... but it's not really anything special or noteworthy to just put yourself first. The fact that he has all these little kids though makes it really BAD. If you want to just party with porn stars and get high all the time, at least have the common courtesy NOT to hurt other people, such as wives and children while doing so -- aka STAY SINGLE, dumb ass.

Now, I even have a nice example of someone who seems to be living the playboy lifestyle POLITELY. Leonardo DiCaprio!!! That's right!!! Isn't he always running around with some 19 year old model??? Just recycling one after the other??? And Leo really isn't that young anymore (36).... so yeah, it's a little skeezy to just keep dating young model after young model as you yourself get older and older and older. HOWEVER, Leonardo is NOT a jerk or creepster about it!! I mean, most people probably don't even think of him as a perv!!! He is always extremely NICE to the media, VERY polite and sweet and humble and unassuming and just very NICE!!!!!!!!! He has never once offended me with his antics, and I am pretty easy to offend when it comes to women's issues. But hey -- what can I say?? If that is Leo's interest, more power to him!! At least he is not hurting anyone!!!! Go date baby models, what the hell do I care?!?!

Charlie on the other hand is just a big JERK, running around acting like every guy wishes he was banging two porn stars in a private jet. And this pisses me off, bc I just feel like it isn't impressive and not good for gender relations.

Honestly, it really is a LOT more impressive men who bother to commit and have a family. Not that I'm saying everyone should do that, just that it's a lot HARDER thing to accomplish than to just running around reaping destruction.

So I guess that I just feel lucky and happy that my Dad and Mom decided to raise a nice little family of our siblings instead of just partying like rock stars while we sat at home drinking coke out of our sippy cups past 8pm or something.

In the end, I guess go do whatever you want... but I feel bad for little kids with irresponsible parents.I think that pretty much sums up not only my feelings for Charlie Sheen, but also my life story. Wow.