Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bachelorette Episode 609 Recap!!

The Take Home Message: Relationships Are Voluntary

Well, we're down to our final three! Ali has sent home all her best prospects (Craig R.) and is left with these three duds: Frank, Chris L., and Robert-o.

And in case anyone hasn't been watching and paying attention all season, we are treated to a re-cap within this episode of everything that has transpired so far and how everyone feels about everything.

So apparently, some assistant editor effed up over there in post production and lost the disc that had all the b-roll of Chris L. packing his suitcase, gazing at pictures of his Mom and jogging along the beach. Needing to come up with a quick fix, the story producer located some miscellaneous b-roll of Chris standing on the corner edge of a building as the sun set on his chiseled features.
Seriously, they cut away to this same scene approximately fifteen hundred times as Chris L. went on and ON about how he was starting to fall in love with Ali, all her great qualities, and how he was finally ready to date again for the first time since his Mom passed away.
ABC, I am here to tell you -- it didn't work! It was very obvious and looked bad. You should have re-shot something so you had more footage to work with.

Fortunately, Roberto's packing footage was not lost.
This footage of him lounging on his bed, tossing his baseball is some of the cheesiest I've ever seen in Bachelor history.
A close second?? The way he pretended to laugh fondly at his Lion King memories.He may have a future in acting. No me gusto Roberto anymore. I think he is excruciatingly boring... and possibly slash likely a player slash jerk.

Anyway, so after Chris L. and Roberto go ON about how great Ali is and how much their families love her and what a great future wife she will be, we cut to Frank... who is feeling pretty much the OPPOSITE.

Rather than go to Tahiti like a normal person, Frank the Neurotic hauls ass to Chicago to re-unite with his stern-featured ex-girlfriend, Nicole.Uhmmm...... o--- kay??? WTF. Frank is such an idiot. I KNOW the producers played a huge part in this, OBVIOUSLY. But still... what in the HELL is wrong with Frank? Personally, I think he is a neurotic freak. I guess some girls like quirky, insecure, out of work writer guys that live in their Moms' basements. NOT ME. She SOOOO should have kept Craig R. around over this loser.

Here is my opinion. Frank is the most insecure, nervous person on the planet. I guess he was falling for Ali. I don't know. I really think he's too wrapped up in himself and his own deficiencies to be into ANYONE. SO! He realized the competition was too stiff and he couldn't take the heat, so he cracked under the pressure. He basically just needed to get the hell out of there, in case Ali didn't pick him. He probably was thinking about Nicole, because he knew she was a sure thing. That level of neuroticism and insecurity needs a pretty sure thing. What's a sure thing? A scorned ex-girlfriend [apparently].So rather than taking a risk and trying for something new, he just went back to what was old and comfortable and what he already knew... his ugly ex-girlfriend. Sorry to be taking pot-shots, but Nicole is NOT an attractive or warm looking woman. Those are some harsh and man-ish features she's sporting. And do NOT accuse me of being a catty woman. If you want to know what women I think are pretty, I will provide you with a list... (my sisters obviously are at the top of that list).
Do I believe that Frank was just sooooooo in love with Nicole and needed her back? No. Honestly, I don't really know WHAT exactly role Frank played in how it all went down. But I think it's obvious he WAS part of it, and that he's a man of little character or integrity. What he did was just stupid and cowardly.Now -- a man of true principles??? Mr. Brad Womack, who was the first person to ever pick NO ONE. Now THAT was a great season!!! My favorite ever actually!! You could tell that he went into it, thinking the whole thing would be a lark. But then at the end, both of the dumb girls were really, ACTUALLY falling for him and he felt bad. So he stood up to the producers and REFUSED to pick either of them, because he just did NOT want to lead either of them on. THAT I respect.Whatever specifically happened in real life behind the scenes, I think Frank's "quirky," neurotic, indecisive personality is to blame for this whole thing and I have no respect for that.

So, I loved how after he decided slash realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with his lovely ex-girlfriend Nicole, he suddenly started saying "Now that I've 'decided' I want to be with Nicole, it's time for me to tell Ali." HAHAHA!!! WHAT?? You didn't DECIDE anything, you idiot! You went running back to Nicole like some abused puppy, and SHE decided to take you back. I think if Nicole had rejected him, he probably would have just gone back to Tahiti and tried to get Ali. Or maybe not. Maybe he would have dropped out all together... or turned gay.

A lot of guys seem to be sympathetic to the cause of Frank.... which I don't really get. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean you have to take his side, guys. :)
Sub-Take Home Message: looks don't matter.... even on women. Nicole is the opposite of cute. Let's all not pretend here. I think we could ALL agree that Ali is hotter than Nicole. And yet... WHO ends up with the guy?? Regarding being beautiful: there is definitely a point of diminishing returns. I think it's best to be above average pretty, but not so beautiful that tons and TONS of guys are flocking all around you to the point that you can't even tell who has genuine intentions or not.

I think that's MY problem:
Or not:
Anyway, this episode was put together nicely. We got to see Frank's loving reunion with Nicole first thing. THEN... we cut away to watch Ali's one on one dates with Roberto and Chris L. That was brilliant. Those two dates were so boring, I definitely would have fallen asleep [in a permanent kind of way] if I didn't know the whole Frank fiasco was still looming ahead on the horizon.
Ali arrives in Tahiti, without a care in the world, looking forward to her THREE hot dates. ABC knew we needed some comic relief, so they provided us with this melodramatic slow-motion "Splash" shot of Ali flipping her long, blonde hair extensions in the ocean.That DEFINITELY made me LOL.

First up is Roberto the Hot. Sorry, I'm not trying to short-change you guys, but there was pretty much NOTHING to note on this date.One thing Roberto did that really pissed me off was he tweaked her nose 2x. I can't even believe I just used the word "tweaked." Just typing it out makes me feel dirty and small.Gross!!!!!!! What a belittling gesture!!! If someone did that to MY nose, he would be dumped ASAP!The only other thing I really noticed was that clearly Roberto has never seen this show before. Either that-- or like I said above, he's a really good actor. He was REALLY surprised about that date card Chris Harrison left for them.Anyway, Roberto accepted the key to the fantasy suite and Ali took him there and got the only thing he is good for. I don't like Roberto. I get that's he's "shy" and "quiet" and "nice" or something. But I just think he's a boring ass playa. Next!!!!
On to Ali's One on One Date With Chris L., also known as The Great Clam Massacre of 2010.

Uhm... wtf, y'all?I'm not trying to be a tree-hugging hippie here, but are you really supposed to pluck innocent clams out of the waves and snap them in HALF to steal their pearls???I cringed each time Ali ripped one in half, just looking for a pearl. I prefer not to witness cruelty to animals and to instead pretend it doesn't happen as I stride around town with my leather purses. Yikes.Uhmm.... so I think my crush on Chris has pretty much entirely died. :( Sorry. So sad. I was so in love with him at first.... but I have yet to hear him say ANYTHING clever, smart or interesting. He does seem very sweet. But almost to the point that I am like.... "Uhhhh.... is there like something WRONG with you?"

For example:What the hell is that?? Apparently, Chris L.'s two homely sisters in law never forced him to watch "The Bachelor" either. Chris, you're not supposed to tell the Bachelorette that you ARE in love with you... you are supposed to say something like:

"I am falling in love with you."
"I could SEE myself falling in love with you."
"You are the kind of person I would fall in love with."
"Love is patient, love is kind."


You don't actually SAY "God I love you" as you make out on the edge of the pool. It was bizarre.


Kind of pissed me off.

See, I think Chris is just a nice guy with a big heart, who [apparently] is quick to love. I'm not saying his feelings are misguided. Actually, that is exactly what I am saying. It's just kind of sad to see this nice, sweet guy fall in love with some girl who is going to just blow him to smithereens. I'm really curious to hear what he has to say NOW... in the present tense, now that he is DUMPED. I mean, I'm sorry-- but we all know his ass would have got sent home this week if Frank hadn't dumped Ali. Does Chris L. now realize how wrong Ali was for him, and that he should have a bit more discerning taste in the future? Is he going to Be The Next Bachelor? Inquiring minds want to know....I just think that kind, innocent, gentle and loving souls should find each other and be happy together.... NOT be victimized by people who are looking to further their careers by becoming a "TV Personality."

Anyway..... Ali got what was coming to her anyway.As I said, ABC knew we needed some comic relief and they did not disappoint. I thought Ali flinging her fake blonde hair around was pretty good, but when Frank said he needed to talk to Hare before he dumped Ali, I LOL'd again.Obviously, this conversation had zero content.... but I still loved it.Anyway... so this part was kind of sad. I mean, Ali totally had it coming, by signing up to be on this show. However, this was pretty cruel, I gotta say. I really think Ali mainly was The Bachelorette to further her career and because she wants to be a TV star, like Melissa Rycroft. However, for whatever un-known reason, I do believe that she was madly falling in love with Frank. [If you hadn't noticed, I think Frank is worthless.]
So, this is pretty sick. Look at this picture of Ali here. She is all smiley and happy and giddy with anticipation about her impending date with Frank, who she is planning to give the FINAL rose to, in my opinion. But think about it... the producers interviewing her know EXACTLY what is about to happen and that this is all a cruel trap being laid. Yet, they just goad her and ask her to talk on and on about how excited she is to see the love of her life, Frank... all the while KNOWING she is about to have her heart broken.And how much does THAT suck??? Imagine you are living in the ONE situation on this earth where you really think you are immune from getting dumped --- The Bachelorette. I mean, I am sure Ali didn't REALLY think that Frank would definitely marry her and they would spend their lives together. But I'm sure she DID think that he would "win" the competition, they would at least date for a little bit... and see what happens. Maybe it would work out. Or maybe they'd date privately for a while off camera, and then it wouldn't work out and they'd issue a statement.Instead --- BAM!!!! DUMPED!!!!!!!!!!! Just when you were LEAST expecting it! Now, THAT is some bad luck right there!!! That's something that I feel like would happen to me. Which is why I liked the part when she was like "I just feel like this always happens to me."

Realistically, any person who is single and looking for love can say that though. If you HAD found someone you loved who loved you back.... then you wouldn't be single.

If it was me, I honestly think I would have busted out laughing and congratulated the producers on creating some good drama at my expense. Of course, then I would have looked like an INSANE laughing person who'd come un-hinged...which I probably would be.

But I just mean, you gotta admit.... that was a real curve ball for her. Here you are, thinking you're The Bachelorette and men are fighting over you... and then the ONE guy that you actually fell for and were planning on picking DUMPS you!!! Never again will I complain about my own bad luck, because seriously... this takes the cake.

Even though my dream job is to be a producer on this show, I think I'd have some serious guilt problems if I contributed to turning Ali into this:
So now, Ali felt stupid and sad and had to take the flower out of her hair.And the best part of all is how Chris Harrison showed up to console her:
Next time I get dumped, I hope Hare is around to talk me down. Ali really did handle this pretty well. Either that, or she wasn't really that into Frank. I don't know.... maybe my original theory was right that she's not really the relationship type. Somehow she pulled herself together the next day.She had a little chat with Hare. She delicately wiped away a tear and decided that she still needed to have a rose ceremony.... because this is NOT just about her giving out roses... it's about the men ACCEPTING them... WHICH she has said all along.... which makes me even more suspicious of her incessant comments the whole way about "My worst fear is not being loved back."Maybe being so focused on your worst fear made it manifest?? Hahaha, just kidding. I really don't believe that much in the power of "thinking." I more believe in the power of editing and post-production.Anyway, she has the rose ceremony and Chris L. and Roberto both accept her rose. But it's bittersweet, because they are both there by default.Awkward!!! And we really didn't get to see much previews for the upcoming episodes. Only two are left: The Men Tell All, and The Finale.Yours in the Single Life,

PS - I got nothing else.

PPS - I really don't. See u next time!


  1. HI Julie julie,
    Great job on the blog!!! Ok so Mollie and I went back on abc.com to make sure that Karen and I were not seeing things wrong. Roberto parents had thier art work covered up with sheets. What is up with that. I say naked something or worth something????? I have never noticed this in any other home visit. Let me now if you find out anything.
    Love to you, Mrs. M

  2. LOL... good work. Are you on Twitter?

  3. funny blog. i agree with you that roberto is boring and chris has nothing to say. dont know why they have such a big following. i agree chris R was the best, especially after watching the men tell all episode tonight. i hope you make some money out of your blog, as you obviously spend a lot of time writing it.

  4. Great job! I enjoyed reading your blog. i am looking forward to the finale next week. keep up the good work!

  5. Ummm.......I don't know what to say....Oh, wait, yes I do :)

    First, for the first time in history I actually felt bad for Ali. She really looked sad when Frank the freak was dumping her and it was so sad when her little flower fell out. I still do NOT understand her desire to be w/Frank, as he just does NOT seem like her type at all to me. However, if ANYONE is to blame, which - they are, the PRODUCERS are the ones who SCREWED her OVER. If she is pissed at anyone it should be THEM. They deliberately deceived her. This entire show is scripted and has storyboards, so don't be mad at Frank, be mad at the people who basically stabbed you in the back. I think it would be better off if it HAD been Frank's idea, but the fact that it was the producers, the very people who are doing the show, who are supposed to be taking care of you, the fact that THEY are the ones who screwed you over. WOW. I'd be PISSED. And in my personal opinion, the next day at the rose ceremony, Ali looked like she just didn't give a crap anymore. She's probably contractually obligated to say stuff, so she did, but with NO feeling whatsoever. She just sat there and mumbled her lines cause she has too.

    And what in the hell!? Have you ever watched a "Men Tell All" where SO LITTLE was actually told!!!!??? They focused on Rated R!!!?? PLEASEEEEE we are ALL sooo OVER rated R, whose real name I can't even remember right now. Why didn't we talk about Frank. He was mentioned ONCE! ONCE, in passing. SERIOUSLY. A final 3 person leaves the show for his girlfriend - probably THE biggest scandal in B/B-ette history and NO ONE talks about it at the Men tell All!!!!???????

    And, did you notice that Ali did not say a SINGLE thing about how she is doing now. They ALWAYS ask, "are you happy now" "are you in love" they didn't ask her a SINGLE question. They didn't even sort of talk about her decision or anything. She was out there and then gone SO fast.....that was a VERY boring "Men Tell All" episode and I'm sad that I wasted my entire day today looking forward to it.

    I can NOT however wait for next week!!!!!

  6. What an idiotic blog. How stupid you must feel now that Roberto was the one all along.


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