The Take Home Message: Don't Call Me Darlin'

I guess that's not really anything I personally learned last night. But it's just a tip for anyone out there thinking of dating me (aka -- probably no one reading this blog). SERIOUSLY!!! Nothing gets under my skin worse than sexist dudes. Sorry if that means I'm a femi-nazi who will die alone and be eaten by cats.I can't stand being talked down to by men who think I'm some dumb girl who doesn't know any better. Ugh!!! I'm not sure how long you have to know a girl before calling her "sweetheart" or "darlin" is no longer offensive, but I'm pretty sure it's more than a week or two. I'm talking to you, Rated R and you too, Hunter. So gross listening to them. I dunno.... I kinda think maybe the men were feeling frustrated that Ali had all the power and putting her down with diminutive nicknames was their way of taking back the night.


Anyway... onto Roberto's one on one date. I don't know. I guess he seems nice enough, just not really my style. I get that he's a hot looking man, but he doesn't really do it for me. Also, call me a high maintenance prude, but I'd be pissed if I went to pick someone up for my date, and they were already pounding beers. Ugh, it was painful to watch that tight-rope walk.... I HATE heights... I mean, I am SOO afraid of heights... that alone would be enough reason for me not to Be The Next Bachelorette (uhhh.... among other reasons). Do you think they had to walk back across the tight rope after dinner, all drunk and stuffed with food? I mean, she said that was the ONLY way over there... was there another way back?I loved how she was like "So... are you like fluent in Spanish?? REALLY??!! You ARE? OMG!" I know. I was also shocked that someone named Roberto was a fluent hablo-er of the Espanol. So you know how news reporters will like say their name with a straight non-accent voice, but then when they get to the part where they say their name, go into this deep accent... well, that's how I hear his name in my head. Ra-BARE-toe. They all pronounce it like Ro-burr-to. Funny. I guess I have been living in LA too long.
I was severely grossed out when she told him to kiss her in Spanish. I just thought it was dumb and I wasn't really impressed that he was all cultured and well-traveled... blah blah blah. So what. Who cares. He seems nice enough... seriously. I'm just not that into him.

SIDE NOTE: Even though Roberto bragging about how cultured and well-traveled he was, was seriously boring and lame... at least he wasn't as lame as Frank -- who felt compelled to declare how "Cultured and Experienced" he was on a t-shirt:END SIDE NOTE.

Anyway, it did get me to thinking that this show is pretty damn racist. When are we going to see anyone besides a white person on it? We've had a FEW black girls that I remember, but none that stuck around long. Especially when it gets down to the final few or the main Bachelor/Bachelorette it's basically all white people.
The unfortunateness of which was prominently displayed at the Barenaked Ladies group date. Holy sh!t that was awkward. I now truly understand why some people are telling me they can't bear to watch this season. Ugh. Watching those white boys try to dance... in broad daylight.... in a non-crowd.... with all dudes and only one chick to keep it flowing. Wow... it was just too much for even me - one of the biggest fans of the show - to take. I don't know... maybe it's just me? I'm not that into live music. I mean, the group speedo date I thought was cute. This was just painful. Thank god it's over with.Now, onto filming the ridiculous set up scenes for the music video. That was funnier. We learned a couple things:

1. Frank is creepy
2. She has chemistry with Kirk
3. Weatherman/Jonathan is gay


As to point three: you know, I really had to think about this, now that I'm a celebrity blogger. I can't just go saying mean things about people. I have to think about what lines I'm going to cross. But seriously.... that guy is SO gay that I think I'm doing him a favor by hopefully helping to come to grips with his homosexuality and lead a comfortable and open life as a gay man. Move to LA, dude. You can be gay here.
You know the part where before their scene, Jonathan was like "So, this says we're supposed to kiss, but if you're not comfortable with it, just let me know, we don't have to." I definitely appreciate a man who is sympathetic to the cause of not molesting women. However... that was still gay. Jonathan was then so fixated on the kiss and everything. But honestly I read all that frustration as frustration with himself that there was no chemistry, because he WANTS to be straight and be attracted to her. However... he isn't. I definitely agree that this was his first kiss.... ever. Oh well. Poor kid. I genuinely do feel bad for him. I hope he can come to terms with who he is and lead a good life, straight or gay. What the hell do I know?

As a side note on the topic of Gay... when are they going to go with a gay storyline?? Come on... we need a Bachelor/ette to come out of the closet for sure.


Regarding point one, Frank is creepy and my dislike for him is increasing. I love how adamant he was that he and she had a REAL kiss, NOT a scripted kiss. Whatever Frank. She's interested in other dudes and it's time for you to ACCEPT that. I thoroughly enjoyed watching him get repeatedly slapped by Ali during the shoot. He just strikes me as the high-strung, neurotic writer-type. In the words of my high-school English teacher, Mrs. Gladys Howell, as she went around the classroom, interested in what the cool kids were doing for spring break... and when a non-cool kid started to state his or her plans, she would cut them off: "NEXT."

As I stated in point two, Ali wants Kirk bad. He SEEMS like he might be funny and nice. I kept waiting for him to make a good comment... but uh, he never really did. So I can't really tell if he's cool or not. I wonder if they really actually said "Cut." "CUT!" twice or just edited that in. I'm thinking it was the latter.

So I wasn't particularly loving Chris L's periodic table of the elements t-shirt. Maybe that's because I'm not really into scientist dudes? I can't really tell if he is a genuinely nice, sweet, funny, gentle man who puts family first, has smart comments and is cool... or if he's a punk-ass, homophobic, douchey frat-bro. The fact that he said he won a flip cup tournament in Vegas doesn't bode well. I also thought it was misguided to say that THIS:

is gang infested and sketchy.

But on the other hand, he does seem to have a really cute smile. I'm definitely wracked with guilt and remorse for posting a cartoon of his comments about his Mom. I feel really bad... but on the other hand, he shouldn't have gone on The Bachelorette if he didn't want me to make fun of him. My main question is... if he has a tat of his mom's signature on his heart, when's he gonna pop that shirt off and show us?

Aw, Max!!
So the Justin-sneaking-out-of-the-house-to-see-Ali-and-the-guys-freaking-out-about-it-drama was pretty tiresome. The only funny part was how he did it all in the name of Chris Harrison, who TOLD them they needed to do whatever it takes to win the girl.

This is what I took away from Rated R's actions and words last night: I now think that he is a womanizer who wishes he wasn't. I now believe that Justin is that full-of-$h!t type of guy. He's the kind of guy that will go out of his way to make grand, romantic gestures that all the world can admire... but when you actually NEED his help... like a ride to the airport or to switch shifts at work or for him to drive out of his way and pick something up from the store for you.... yeah, he won't be there.

As I stated, he abused the words "honey, hun and sweetie" and then gave us the sad tale of how his father left him as a child and he grew up with no father figure. He really did seem passionate in his soliloquy about the importance of children having a father figure. He got very emotional, telling us that he WILL be there for his son. Well I have a question for you Justin-boy: what if you had a DAUGHTER??? Would you be there for her?? What if you ended up like my Dad and had FOUR daughters??? What if they grew up to be obsessed fans of The Bachelor? Would you show your love and support to them by watching it and reading their blogs and even forming opinions on the contestants? Would you? WOULD YOU?


I didn't think so. Here is Justin sadly pondering his fate. His father left him and he will inevitably do the same to his children one day. Even though he WANTS to be a stand up man and do a woman right, he just can't. I understand how you feel, Justin. I can't commit to one purse. No matter how beautiful, glamorous or custom made just-for-me she is... I can't keep my eye off other purses. Tiger, Jesse, John Edwards.... I understand.

So, that really sucked for Hunter. What a lame-ass date. Man, I'd be PISSED if I went on The Bachelor and then instead of getting a helicopter ride, or private jet, or yacht... I got to effing chill at home. SUCKS!! Even though I hate heights, I'd still rather jump off a cliff or building or something than "chill at home." So lame! But then again, I was so deeply offended by his incessant use of "darlin" that I'm glad he got the shaft.
I did think Ali was being herself. Not overly giggly or anything, just chill. I think she knew all along she wasn't into him and that he was heading home, but she still had to go on the date. It made me like her better that she didn't get all over him and how clear it was that she wasn't into him. I am glad that she didn't kiss him or anything in the hot tub. Man, even though Hunter offended me, he looked so sad in his interview, I started feeling bad for him. Sorry Hunter. It sucks, but sometimes the chemistry is not there! I recommend you stop calling women "darlin."

Meanwhile, back at the mansion....
...the part where the Grim Reaper came for Hunter's luggage was HI-LARIOUS!! LOL!!! Seriously... that's the Grim Reaper. Come on!

I still like Craig, despite the fact that he's a booze-hound. An ENTIRE BOTTLE, Craig? Really now.
I know Tyler was kind of the ring-leader in the whole [annoying] anti-Justin crusade this week. But I still like him also. Even though last week I said his accent was too Southern and that he wasn't cute, this week I liked his Southern accent and thought he was cute. He needs to lose that queer [and I don't mean GAY, stop being offended] necklace. But I found his Southern passion kind of hot this week. We'll see.


And.... Kasey wants to sign her a song?? With THAT voice? Looks like he will next week and I can't wait!
Too bad this picnic FAILED and this guy got sent home. I thought he was cute and seemed nice.

This was a fitting tag... a mouse infested The Bachelor Pad, in light of all the emails my siblings and I have been exchanging this week re: household pests traumatizing us. The bad news: there is a mouse in the house. The good news: Chris still has all his hair. Also... I think they're all wearing yellow to impress Ali.

Yours in the Single Life,
Julie Julie

PS - Three of my coworkers busted me staying late to watch the early feed. I busted myself first to one by asking when the show fed in. The other two were walking by my office. One was like, "What are you watching?" When I told him "The Bachelorette," he was like "Really?? WTF? I've been wondering WHO actually watches that?" I said "Me and all my friends and everyone I know." And the other guy said resignedly.... "They all want a man." I wish I could say he was wrong.

PPS - I'm really looking forward to the suicide attempt next week.

Death Did Not Part Them

So the most annoying thing about this is that I can totally smell this set up coming at us from a mile away. He is finally going to come clean to Ali that actually his Mom is dead, not still with his Dad.... and she is going to be all like "Aw, that is so sweet, poor you, I TOTALLY understand why you said that. Family is my number one priority ALSO!! OMG!!!"

Then she will giggle, fling her blonde hair extensions over her shoulder, take a sip of wine, get in the hot tub and make out with him.

I agree w/ Grace, he does not deserve brownie points for saying his parents are still together, when actually his Mom passed away. That's just called not being able to think on your feet fast enough.

I recommend he take some improv classes. That really helped me to come up with comments quicker in life.

Great Video

So I "found" this great video over at ETonline.com of Chris Harrison and Erin Andrews.

It starts with the interviewer asking Harrison if this will be the most dramatic spelling bee ever. Very funny.

I can't help liking Erin Andrews even though she is SERIOUSLY one annoying chick. At least she's pretty?

I'm in the Minority

So apparently everyone besides me thinks that this crop of men is the lowest quality of gentlemen ever to grace the cobblestones of The Bachelor Mansion.

Personally, I thought it was a pretty hot group of men that seemed nice enough.

Interesting........ I guess we'll stay tuned.... (actually I've already been informed that several of you will NOT stay tuned).

Mollie: What Do You Think?

Does Chris like Ali?

The Take Home Message: Sociopaths Walk Among Us

So as you know, I like labeling people as “sociopaths.” I really do find the concept fascinating. I’m thinking of writing a book one day called “The Everyday Sociopath.” I would go get a degree in psychology and the book would be my honors thesis paper. Non-violent, non-criminal sociopaths really interest me (also the violent, criminal ones; I love “48 Hours Mystery” as much as the next guy) and I’m pretty sure I’ve met a few sociopaths in my years on this earth (the non-violent ones). I find it really fascinating and interesting how some people can have NO emotions and be completely disconnected from others and reality. I guess not all of us choose to seek help for our mental illnesses.

Well, I’m busting out my label maker and printing out “Sociopath” for Craig M. That dude was INSANE. Like WAY off the hook. He was getting so much enjoyment and pleasure out of torturing the poor little Weatherman and it was awkward, yo. I found it interesting how he actually felt threatened and out of his comfort zone when Ali told him someone called him “dangerous.” What?? THAT freaks him out?? He is CRAZY... did he think the other guys actually liked him or something??? What the HELL? Then he called a summit and as soon as he found out that it was the Weatherman who character-assassinated him to Ali, he was totally relaxed and fine and back to deriding the Weatherman with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. He even said that the Weatherman was not a man, bc he is so short. So mean!! Then at the end, he was like “You can’t get serious with someone who is shorter than you.” HAHAHAH!!! What?? I disagree. The weird thing is that I WOULD have normally thought Craig M was an ego-maniac, but he seemed like his ego actually took a hit when he was sent packing, since he said he needs some extra attention right now from hot ladies on the plane. Oh, the other funny part was when he said to Ali as he was leaving “Yeah, it was a tough call, there’s a lot of great guys here.” HAHAHA... yeah, I don’t think sending HIM home was a tough call AT ALL.

I started liking Ali a little more during her conversation with Craig M when she called him out for not asking any questions about her and said his body language showed that he wasn’t even interested in her. It was funny to see him squirm. And also surprising. I feel like he’s a sociopath who’s surprisingly NOT charming or slick or smooth or able to finesse conversations. I don’t really see that he has any redeeming qualities... other than I guess that he has a thick head of hair, but that’s about it.

So I have been thinking hard about Ali and trying to figure her out and I think I finally had a revelation. I feel that all of her flirting and giggling to all the guys is a front (that’s not my revelation). I think that’s just how she acts when you first meet her, as a wall she puts up so it’s harder to get to know the real her. And I’ve personally felt that she doesn’t really have that much chemistry or seem that taken by ANY of the guys (other than Roberto) and I finally came to the conclusion/revelation that Ali is just not boy-crazy. I think that she’s just not obsessed with men and doesn’t flirt her way through life. So on that point, I can relate to her, because I ALSO am not really big into just flirting my way around life. The only thing in this case is that it does kind of make her an odd casting choice as the Bachelorette. But whatever. I’m just kind of interested to see as things progress and she does become more interested in the guys, how things unfold… and if we get to know her better and her true colors show more.

So, I enjoyed the group-speedo-wearing-photo-shoot date. I enjoyed watching the Weatherman squirm at the thought of donning the bikini. The guys were really cute, how they were all awkward and embarrassed by their speedos. I was also pleased to see that Ali had a lot of clothes on while the men were prancing around in their skivvies:

For some reason, I like this dude:

Oh, you noticed how his crotch was blurred out too? Yeah, I didn't do that. ABC did.

Tyler, the divorced Southern guy, is pretty cute... but his accent is a bit too much for me.

And he IS cute, but then it’s like something went wrong and he’s not actually that cute.

I felt really bad for poor little Justin hopping around on his crutches. I think most people, including my former self, when you see someone on crutches, you’re not really fazed by it. You just think “That is temporary, that’s not really an impaired person.” But Melanie and Grace have made me realize that it actually DOES suck to need crutches... for what EVER length of time. So I felt sympathetic for poor Justin hopping around in the sand. The only thing that makes me feel not as bad for him is that he injured himself wrestling.

Meanwhile, I did not sense much chemistry between Frank and Ali on the one on one date, despite both their claims to the contrary. The main thing I wondered about this date is how in the HELL did they get to the L???? She isn’t lying when she says no one gets to go there. I’ve never been there, nor heard of anyone going there. The closest I’ve been is in Nate’s mansion when he lived right under the D.

Yum... Grace got me hooked on red velvets. Do you think these are from Ralph's? Those are the best.

I don’t like Frank. I’m not impressed with the whole quitting-your-day-job-to-pursue-your-passion schtick. I am impressed by people who have actually SOLD screenplays (or at least pay their bills while writing their screenplays in their spare time). Also, why did he have to go to Paris to write? He admitted he didn’t speak French. So if he HAD to quit his job and move somewhere, shouldn’t he have hit up LA? Whatever, I sense nothing between them. And I felt very uncomfortable when they were picnicking on the hood of that random car.

I liked how Frank tried to justify his bad decision to “move to Paris and write scripts” by trying to act like Ali did the same thing by quitting her day job to be on the Bachelorette. Whatever Frank, Ali got PAID to be the Bachelorette (and IS doing it to further her career IMO), you got nothing but baguettes and dog $hit on the sidewalks in Paris. That’s right, Frank, I also lived in Paris for a whooping month! (Don’t get my Mom started on the part where I tried to move to Africa at the end of the month).

I don’t think Frank is really upfront with who he is either… I sense a darker edge to him, and I don’t like it.

Frank’s “Yeah baby” count was three. THREE and it made me cringe in a big way. You guys, “Yeah baby???” What?? It is not 1997, and Austin Powers is not relevant. (Donny Osmond, I’m talking to you as well).

Also the part where the car broke down on the 101 stressed me out. Too close to home people, too close to home.

Oh and the staged paparazzi swarm was HILARIOUS. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen …. But I also found it kind of interesting… sort of the Bachelor bragging about its ratings and trying to act like paparazzi are swarming them. Whatever. It was funny.

So... regarding Jesse and the one on one date in Vegas.... As I watched Jessie go on his date, I kept thinking -- wow, he reminds me of someone. And that someone is my brother Max. These two look A LOT alike.

Which got me to thinking about covertly signing my brother up for the Bachelor. Max is lucky he already has a great lady in his life, otherwise I’m sure his four sisters would be signing him up for The Bachelor (without him knowing it). Although, what am I saying? Apparently having a girlfriend is no reason not to go on The Bachelor.

I’m not really feeling Jessie’s humongous tattoo. And I felt NO chemistry was going on between them. The date was pretty flat and I pretty much forgot about it already.

I felt like I did see a tiny snippet of the real Ali during this time and it was in her comment to the camera about not liking flying. I sensed the true Ali in her tone. But then to Jesse, she acted like a flirt maniac about how she HATES flying and I saw she put her hand on his leg “in fear,” in that weird looking private jet. Maybe it just looks weird to me bc I’ve never been in a PJ.

I thought it was pretty funny at dinner in Vegas when she tried to go in for a kiss or something and it just ended in this FAIL of a hug.

I still think she likes Roberto the best, SUCH AS when they played catch in the courtyard. That was a real turn off to me. Not for her sake, but just because I automatically start slipping into a coma whenever I see sporting equipment or people engaging in sporting activities... especially when I THOUGHT I was watching the Bachelorette. I don’t remember hearing Chris Harrison talk about the final rose tonight at the Super Bowl, so please ABC, let’s show us the same courtesy when we are trying to watch the Bachelorette. No more sports.

So, I went ahead and read the RealitySteve spoilers last night. I’m pretty upset. I REALLY like one of the guys that he said makes it to the final two... and I do NOT think he is right for Ali. I already picked him out as a really nice, sweet, cute guy... and was planning to probably start dating him if/when we met at the MTA. He is good for ME, a NICE girl.

I am pretty upset about this guy being in the final two. I think he is the one that is NOT going to win... and then he will go on to Be The Next Bachelor... and all these women will be loving him and dripping off of him and I’ll have NO chance with him slash he will get an ego and be corrupted... and it’s just not a good picture all around.

I will have to see how this season plays out and hopefully I’ll feel better about it in the end. I slept on it last night and thought I’d feel better today, but I’m still not happy. My emotions have not been toyed with this much since I found out Pavelka was going on DWTS.

Yours in the Single Life,

Julie Julie

PS -- Why aren’t these clowns living and showering in the shed in the backyard as per usual?

PPS -- If you need a visual cue, these are the rejects this week:

Wow Jessie Looks Like Max

Am I right??
Max is cuter, obviously.

The Take Home Message: There Are Many Fish in the Sea

So the take home message that hit me about the premiere episode of The Bachelorette is how time can change situations. A few months ago, it seemed like Ali’s only prospect of finding love was Pavelka:

That is because Jake WAS the only guy around in The Bachelor world (other than the off-camera producers, one of whom Roz had an inappropriate relationship with). So I realized that when you are so set on one guy, it seems like he is the ONLY guy for you, but in Reality (so to speak), there are tons of guys out there that could be interesting/interested. Men seem to already have this concept down, so I recommend to all the women out there that we live our lives as if we are The Bachelorette and not just another contestant on The Bachelor.

Anyway... so, as for Ali... I am not a HUGE fan of hers, but I accept her. At least she is pretty and acts cute for the camera. I noticed she was acting all sweet and nice and super giggly all night long, when we already know that is NOT who she really is. We have seen her fierceness come out on The Bachelor, so I think it’s fake for her to act all sweet and nice... she’s been acting that way in the press too, as she’s promoting her show. Well, whatever, she has to act that way. So we’ll see. I just think it’s lame how girls have to act all sweet and nice and dumb when they first meet people. On the other hand, I guess men try to act all nice when they first meet people too, so no one really acts like themselves straight up. So anyway, we’ll see how she performs this season.

So, a few of the men were memorable to me.

Frank - the screenwriter, I am NOT impressed with. It’s not necessary to quit your day job in order to pursue writing. You can actually write when you get off work. It’s also not necessary to move to Paris to write scripts either. And I liked part when Ali was like “Paris is amazing! I’ve never been.” I think he also jumped on the roof of the limo... which was super-annoying and showy. I noticed that several of the men felt compelled to scale the limos. Men are so weird. Anyway, Frank will fit in well with that “on” personality of his when he’s struggling to make it in Hollywood in a few months.

Rated R - I actually thought that he WAS pretty genuine-seeming, despite winning the “Being There For The Wrong Reason” award. And I think Ali likes him. I get that he is a professional wrestler, but if he is really on the show to promote his career, I’d venture to say he’s hitting the WRONG demographic in The Bachelorette’s audience. I think he has a really sweet little smile and seems sweet and nice. Of course, he could be tricking me, so we’ll see.

Craig M. - looks like he will bring some good drama. I thought it was really funny how all the other guys were making fun of his luscious locks of hair. He looks like Brian Hackett from Wings to me, combined with Dean McDermott of Tori and Dean fame, combined with other generic 90s hot guys. He seems really intense though, and I’d probably be afraid of him if (and honestly, you guys, WHEN) I meet him in real life.

The Weatherman - I thought had some good jokes and made some pretty funny comments, including taking shots at Craig M’s hair. However, he looks like he’s about five feet tall, and even though I’m not that into tall guys, this dude looks like SERIOUSLY petite. I also got a bit of a gay vibe from him... and he kind of strikes me as an annoying little beetle.

Shooter - yeah, telling Ali the story of how you got your “nickname” was a total FAIL. What the hell? Did he come up with that idea all on his own, or did some producer egg him into thinking that was a good idea? So obviously disgusting, and thank god she sent him home. I guess they need a resident perv in the bunch of men. Tanner the foot fetish perv got to stick around last season though, but Shooter was way grosser, so I’m glad he is gone.

Roberto - he got the First Impression Rose, so I guess it seems obvious for me to say she likes him, but yeah, I definitely got that she has a big crush on him. Other than that, he didn’t make much of an impression on me.

Chris L - said his parents are still together, when in fact his mom has died. Obviously I’m sad for him that his mom died, but, it’s also kind of AWKWARD that he said they are still together.

Anyway.... overall, I actually thought most of the guys were pretty cute. No one particularly stood out to me, I just thought the vibe overall was that they were hot. As you know, my dream boy is David Duchovny... and these guys also seemed to have nice faces.

Sarah and I had such an AMAZING time at The Bachelorette viewing party in Hollywood:

We met up with famous past contestants:

Robbie D, the bartender

Juan, the violator of man-code

and Natalie who loves bears.

I think I probably will read Reality Steve’s spoilers, when I get the chance. But I’m a little undecided. Actually, sometimes reading the spoilers really does make the season more boring. However, I can’t stand NOT knowing something, when the information is just out there for the taking.

Yours in the single life,

Julie Julie

PS - Another thing I learned watching this episode is that I want blonde hair extensions.

PPS - It’s sexist that “bachelorette” is not a word, according to Word, and “bachelor” is.