The Take Home Message: Sociopaths Walk Among Us

So as you know, I like labeling people as “sociopaths.” I really do find the concept fascinating. I’m thinking of writing a book one day called “The Everyday Sociopath.” I would go get a degree in psychology and the book would be my honors thesis paper. Non-violent, non-criminal sociopaths really interest me (also the violent, criminal ones; I love “48 Hours Mystery” as much as the next guy) and I’m pretty sure I’ve met a few sociopaths in my years on this earth (the non-violent ones). I find it really fascinating and interesting how some people can have NO emotions and be completely disconnected from others and reality. I guess not all of us choose to seek help for our mental illnesses.

Well, I’m busting out my label maker and printing out “Sociopath” for Craig M. That dude was INSANE. Like WAY off the hook. He was getting so much enjoyment and pleasure out of torturing the poor little Weatherman and it was awkward, yo. I found it interesting how he actually felt threatened and out of his comfort zone when Ali told him someone called him “dangerous.” What?? THAT freaks him out?? He is CRAZY... did he think the other guys actually liked him or something??? What the HELL? Then he called a summit and as soon as he found out that it was the Weatherman who character-assassinated him to Ali, he was totally relaxed and fine and back to deriding the Weatherman with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. He even said that the Weatherman was not a man, bc he is so short. So mean!! Then at the end, he was like “You can’t get serious with someone who is shorter than you.” HAHAHAH!!! What?? I disagree. The weird thing is that I WOULD have normally thought Craig M was an ego-maniac, but he seemed like his ego actually took a hit when he was sent packing, since he said he needs some extra attention right now from hot ladies on the plane. Oh, the other funny part was when he said to Ali as he was leaving “Yeah, it was a tough call, there’s a lot of great guys here.” HAHAHA... yeah, I don’t think sending HIM home was a tough call AT ALL.

I started liking Ali a little more during her conversation with Craig M when she called him out for not asking any questions about her and said his body language showed that he wasn’t even interested in her. It was funny to see him squirm. And also surprising. I feel like he’s a sociopath who’s surprisingly NOT charming or slick or smooth or able to finesse conversations. I don’t really see that he has any redeeming qualities... other than I guess that he has a thick head of hair, but that’s about it.

So I have been thinking hard about Ali and trying to figure her out and I think I finally had a revelation. I feel that all of her flirting and giggling to all the guys is a front (that’s not my revelation). I think that’s just how she acts when you first meet her, as a wall she puts up so it’s harder to get to know the real her. And I’ve personally felt that she doesn’t really have that much chemistry or seem that taken by ANY of the guys (other than Roberto) and I finally came to the conclusion/revelation that Ali is just not boy-crazy. I think that she’s just not obsessed with men and doesn’t flirt her way through life. So on that point, I can relate to her, because I ALSO am not really big into just flirting my way around life. The only thing in this case is that it does kind of make her an odd casting choice as the Bachelorette. But whatever. I’m just kind of interested to see as things progress and she does become more interested in the guys, how things unfold… and if we get to know her better and her true colors show more.

So, I enjoyed the group-speedo-wearing-photo-shoot date. I enjoyed watching the Weatherman squirm at the thought of donning the bikini. The guys were really cute, how they were all awkward and embarrassed by their speedos. I was also pleased to see that Ali had a lot of clothes on while the men were prancing around in their skivvies:

For some reason, I like this dude:

Oh, you noticed how his crotch was blurred out too? Yeah, I didn't do that. ABC did.

Tyler, the divorced Southern guy, is pretty cute... but his accent is a bit too much for me.

And he IS cute, but then it’s like something went wrong and he’s not actually that cute.

I felt really bad for poor little Justin hopping around on his crutches. I think most people, including my former self, when you see someone on crutches, you’re not really fazed by it. You just think “That is temporary, that’s not really an impaired person.” But Melanie and Grace have made me realize that it actually DOES suck to need crutches... for what EVER length of time. So I felt sympathetic for poor Justin hopping around in the sand. The only thing that makes me feel not as bad for him is that he injured himself wrestling.

Meanwhile, I did not sense much chemistry between Frank and Ali on the one on one date, despite both their claims to the contrary. The main thing I wondered about this date is how in the HELL did they get to the L???? She isn’t lying when she says no one gets to go there. I’ve never been there, nor heard of anyone going there. The closest I’ve been is in Nate’s mansion when he lived right under the D.

Yum... Grace got me hooked on red velvets. Do you think these are from Ralph's? Those are the best.

I don’t like Frank. I’m not impressed with the whole quitting-your-day-job-to-pursue-your-passion schtick. I am impressed by people who have actually SOLD screenplays (or at least pay their bills while writing their screenplays in their spare time). Also, why did he have to go to Paris to write? He admitted he didn’t speak French. So if he HAD to quit his job and move somewhere, shouldn’t he have hit up LA? Whatever, I sense nothing between them. And I felt very uncomfortable when they were picnicking on the hood of that random car.

I liked how Frank tried to justify his bad decision to “move to Paris and write scripts” by trying to act like Ali did the same thing by quitting her day job to be on the Bachelorette. Whatever Frank, Ali got PAID to be the Bachelorette (and IS doing it to further her career IMO), you got nothing but baguettes and dog $hit on the sidewalks in Paris. That’s right, Frank, I also lived in Paris for a whooping month! (Don’t get my Mom started on the part where I tried to move to Africa at the end of the month).

I don’t think Frank is really upfront with who he is either… I sense a darker edge to him, and I don’t like it.

Frank’s “Yeah baby” count was three. THREE and it made me cringe in a big way. You guys, “Yeah baby???” What?? It is not 1997, and Austin Powers is not relevant. (Donny Osmond, I’m talking to you as well).

Also the part where the car broke down on the 101 stressed me out. Too close to home people, too close to home.

Oh and the staged paparazzi swarm was HILARIOUS. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen …. But I also found it kind of interesting… sort of the Bachelor bragging about its ratings and trying to act like paparazzi are swarming them. Whatever. It was funny.

So... regarding Jesse and the one on one date in Vegas.... As I watched Jessie go on his date, I kept thinking -- wow, he reminds me of someone. And that someone is my brother Max. These two look A LOT alike.

Which got me to thinking about covertly signing my brother up for the Bachelor. Max is lucky he already has a great lady in his life, otherwise I’m sure his four sisters would be signing him up for The Bachelor (without him knowing it). Although, what am I saying? Apparently having a girlfriend is no reason not to go on The Bachelor.

I’m not really feeling Jessie’s humongous tattoo. And I felt NO chemistry was going on between them. The date was pretty flat and I pretty much forgot about it already.

I felt like I did see a tiny snippet of the real Ali during this time and it was in her comment to the camera about not liking flying. I sensed the true Ali in her tone. But then to Jesse, she acted like a flirt maniac about how she HATES flying and I saw she put her hand on his leg “in fear,” in that weird looking private jet. Maybe it just looks weird to me bc I’ve never been in a PJ.

I thought it was pretty funny at dinner in Vegas when she tried to go in for a kiss or something and it just ended in this FAIL of a hug.

I still think she likes Roberto the best, SUCH AS when they played catch in the courtyard. That was a real turn off to me. Not for her sake, but just because I automatically start slipping into a coma whenever I see sporting equipment or people engaging in sporting activities... especially when I THOUGHT I was watching the Bachelorette. I don’t remember hearing Chris Harrison talk about the final rose tonight at the Super Bowl, so please ABC, let’s show us the same courtesy when we are trying to watch the Bachelorette. No more sports.

So, I went ahead and read the RealitySteve spoilers last night. I’m pretty upset. I REALLY like one of the guys that he said makes it to the final two... and I do NOT think he is right for Ali. I already picked him out as a really nice, sweet, cute guy... and was planning to probably start dating him if/when we met at the MTA. He is good for ME, a NICE girl.

I am pretty upset about this guy being in the final two. I think he is the one that is NOT going to win... and then he will go on to Be The Next Bachelor... and all these women will be loving him and dripping off of him and I’ll have NO chance with him slash he will get an ego and be corrupted... and it’s just not a good picture all around.

I will have to see how this season plays out and hopefully I’ll feel better about it in the end. I slept on it last night and thought I’d feel better today, but I’m still not happy. My emotions have not been toyed with this much since I found out Pavelka was going on DWTS.

Yours in the Single Life,

Julie Julie

PS -- Why aren’t these clowns living and showering in the shed in the backyard as per usual?

PPS -- If you need a visual cue, these are the rejects this week: