I AM BACK!!!

Hello everyone!!!! I have missed you all dearly. I know we are already on the third episode, so I am just going to jump in now! No point in re-capping episodes that aired weeks ago. No one cares about last week. I will just mention some thoughts I had about people and previous episodes as we go along.

Oh, but how can I not mention the interpretive dance Ashley did to get over Brad???

ANYWAY!!! Back to Monday.
The first date is a solo date with one Ben C. He's not much to look at, but he loves to dance, ladies. He loves to dance. Ashley, truly being a dancer herself and only masquerading as a "dentist" therefore thinks he is the perfect candidate for the flash-mob date that she has planned.First they head off to a dance studio where Ashley channels her inner Cheryl Burke and teaches Ben some dance.... but he doesn't know WHY or what it's for.

Then they go and picnic on a giant lawn, when Ashley just suddenly gets the idea that they should stand up and do the dance they just choreographed. Ben is a good sport and goes along with it.

Before they know it, they are joined by all the lookers-on and a true Flash Mob is had.

Now. I do NOT know why...... but for some reason, I thought this was totally cute. Perhaps my ice cold heart of steel and stone is melting?!?!?!?!??!!??!!! COULD THAT REALLY BE?!?!

I don't know. But I felt like this old man as I watched:I just think it's interesting how communication technology advances and then these weird phenomena pop up and life changes.

Also, I really like Far East Movement. I think this is the first time a band was on The Bachelorette that I actually liked and heard of. I guess I've heard of some of the other bands, but haven't been into them. Anyway, I totally support FEM, I love those Asian gangstas!!

So, Ben and Ash then go have dinner where Ben proceeds to tell Ashley that he is looking for unrealistic over the top sparkling and glittering eternal love. Ok, no worries, my stone cold heart is back. PLEASE!! I was totally turned off by this monologue. I mean, I'm sure being in love is a great feeling, but seriously you guys... it takes a lot more than just that to build a life together. This is my opinion.

Anyway, she gives him a rose, blah blah blah.

Meanwhile back in the mansion, the group date is next. Invited are: Ames, Ben F(?), Blake, Jeff, Lucas, Nick, Ryan, William, Bentley... and the guy reading the date card, whoever that is.

These clowns will be going to a comedy club to roast Ashley. Uhmm.... hmmmm.... I am NOT sure that is a good idea. Very risky, indeed. I think that is a pretty dangerous endeavor to roast the girl you are dating, right when you have first met her. So CLEARLY this was a brilliant date idea on the part of the producers... this should be sure to stir up some drama.

Before the date, Masked Jeff takes Ashley aside and says that he is ready to take off the mask. Now, the first night, I could NOT stand the mask-guy. I thought that it was one hundred percent ridiculous. I do NOT believe that the only thing that matters is what's on the inside. Plus, it's just stupid and gimmicky, and he really seemed to be taking it seriously, which I do NOT support. But eventually, by week two and three, I was starting to think he was kind of funny. Clearly, he played along for the skit where they filmed him on the toilet wearing his mask. He swam laps in the pool with his mask on and agreed when another Bachelor said he should have worn a white mask, because it was so hot out. So then I started thinking it was kind of funny because it was so ridiculous and awkward.Anyway, the whole stunt definitely did NOT play out to his favor. Chris Harrison said it somewhere that if you are going to don a mask for "three weeks" that you should really look like Brad Pitt underneath it. Word. Mask boy looked like he COULD have had a cute face under there, from what we could see of it... but I'm not going to lie, I was on the whole, disappointed when he took it off.

And so was the local wild life.And so was Ashley.

They rejoin the guys and head off to the comedy club.
So the basic theme of the night was that Ashley has flat boobs. That and some of the guys just decided to make fun of the other guys --- always a safe bet.William, however, took it to the next level, saying that when he signed up to do The Bachelorette, he wanted to meet Emily or Chantal, but instead was disappointed to discover the Bachelorette was Ashley. FUNNY!!Not.

Soooo, this created some good drama. Ashley took it okay as she sat there, but afterwards, she went off into the folding chairs and was sobbing. I kind of found the whole incident interesting. You could tell that William really did feel terrible that he made her so upset and realized later that it was a BAD joke.

So when we first met William, in episode one, I totally thought he was cute as his umbrella kept popping inside out. He said that the whole string of women he dated previously had then gone on to marry the next guy they dated after him. He was ready for his luck to turn around. As I beheld him and noted his striking resemblance to Prince William, I could not imagine why this handsome young man was still single.

Well, now I totally get it. He is super annoying. And also immature. I felt bad for him that he made that bad joke... I mean, we can all relate to putting your foot in your mouth. But what I thought was telling was when Ashley was talking with him afterwards and he was basically like "There is nothing I can say or do to make this up to you, just go talk to another guy." To me, that is just immature. I mean, it is understandable that he would feel that way, but you kind of have to just be more mature, own your mistake and really apologize. You can't just totally bail out on a relationship bc you messed up and hurt the other person. So in my opinion, he's not really ready for a relationship. I got why Ashley felt frustrated that after saying that, he couldn't just comfort her, instead he was just like defeated.Now. I also gained some new respect for Ashley this episode. I feel like she really is "putting herself out there" and/or being honest with her feelings and emotions. Now, I am NOT saying that I "believe in the process" or anything like that. Obviously I think this is a ridiculous endeavor to take if you seriously want to find love. (But maybe she doesn't know that.. haha!) BUTTT she really does seem open and honest about what she is feeling, which I really like. I felt like Ali just spouted random crap that I could not relate to. I mean, I know they all *SAY* they are open, but Ashley seems like she really IS.

Last season, I would like to say that I NEVER really thought she was that insecure. I know that she came off that way, but I personally never got the vibe that SHE HERSELF was just standardly insecure, it always seemed to me that it was Womack who really brought out that insecurity in her.I liked the part when she came over to the guys after the show and said "I am NOT trying to point the finger or make anyone feel bad, but the notion that you wish I wasn't the Bachelorette hit on a nerve with me, and that is just how I am feeling right now." I highly support that. What I have learned in the past few years of my life, is that you REALLY should just say what you mean. I know that women are not wired this way... instead women are like "That roast was high-larious and nothing that anyone said hurt my feelings, I am the most easy-going lady on the planet!!!!!!!!!" That is a really bad life and communication strategy is what I have come to learn. No one can read anyone else's mind, so you will really be better off if you just speak the truth.

SIDENOTE: this is ESPECIALLY true at work. I get that it is hard in your personal life to be all "Yo dudes, I am offended and sad." BUT seriously at work, there is REALLLLY no reason to beat around the bush and be all "Wellll... maybe next time, if it's possible you could do this little different, I mean, if you want to and all." Just be explicit, y'all!

Anyway. So William went off and sad sadly reflected on his deeds on Hollywood Boulevard while Ashley just couldn't focus on having quality time with the rest of the men.

Meanwhile, I too am considering being more open in life, and "putting myself out there" as they say. But then again, maybe not.

Bentley decided to seize this opportunity to "mess with Ashley's head" and console her that he's into her, etc, etc, etc.

All right, so let's address this whole Bentley issue. Even though I basically think the whole thing is so ridiculous that it's really beneath me to mention it, I guess I will have to say how I feel about it.

So, really, it kind of just confuses me all around. It is OBVIOUSLY produced... I'm just not really sure whose idea the whole thing was. Like, was this Bentley's idea to act like this?? Like go on the show and be the biggest jerk in the entire history of the show??? Do the producers think this is entertaining to watch?? I just don't get it. I wanted to hear what Reality Steve had to say about it, but I also don't want to read any spoilers. Luckily my sister perused the site for me, but it didn't seem like Reality Steve had much to contribute. According to her, he was just kind of like "Oh the producers can soooo manipulate this." Well yeah, they can. DUH. But CLEARLY Bentley is in on this. I mean, the whole Wes thing, I really never bought into... THAT I thought was just a case of giving him a bad edit. The Rozlyn thing was shady too... But there is NO WAY anyone can claim that Bentley is merely getting a bad edit, but is in fact a nice guy. So I'm not really sure what the point of him is.

It is NOT fun to watch. It's not even interesting. Here is a Public Service Announcement for ABC: I didn't tune into The Bachelorette to watch men degrade and use women. If I wanted to see that, I could just look at the world around me. Uhmm... or watch a bad movie.... sorry, trying to be less negative/bitter. I just really find the whole plot stupid and beneath my dignity. ALSO, I really kind of feel bad for Ashley... unless she's just playing along with it, she seemed really hurt. So it really seems MEAN for the producers to just let him clearly state all that crap about tickling his p*ckle, hooking up with her and dumping her, etc, then go lie to her face. It's just offensive and I really have no use for it in my life. I am not getting any Take Home Messages from his BS.

Anyway, Ashley gives the rose to that super hot guy on this date. That guy is REALLY cute, she should definitely give him the final rose.

The fact that she gave the rose to him and not to Bentley causes Bentley to decide it's time for him to peace out.

So of course the next day, we are treated to a shot of Ashley telling us how much she just LOVES Bentley!! You guys, if this were the very ending right now, she would *totes* pick B....

Which just makes it alllll the more dramatic when he goes to dump her.

So the whole dumping was really painful and offensive to watch as well. He decided to pretend that he misses his daughter and that is the reason he is going home. Unfortunately Ashley "falls" for it and lets him go. He continues making super creepy comments to the camera the whole while, saying that she is the kind of girl he would hook up with and never call again.

It was really anti-climactic actually, because she still never saw his true colors. She just bought his story about his daughter... and THEN to make things as bad as possible, he said let's not end this with a period, but rather a DOT DOT DOT. First of all, I don't appreciate him stealing my phrases and sayings that I use in real life. And second of all, that is the WORST ending possible to a relationship. It doesn't let you really end it and move on, it just keeps you hoping it will be re-kindled. I mean, I guess that is the point, since apparently the whole Bentley story line is all about let's be the biggest possible jerk.

But really it was kind of just a let down and not interesting AT ALL since she still never saw his true colors... so the deception just went on, and it's like - who cares.

I think the best part of her getting dumped was when the camera pulled out and we got to see Jimmy Kimmel watching Ashley crying in bed. "He's a jerk!!!!" said Kimmel. Then he told us that Ashley would be sitting down to talk on his show the next day.

So I forgot to Tivo that, but fortunately, I found the video online..... on my YouTube channel. Wow, how did that happen?!?!?!

It's still not really clear to me though from this interview, WHAT exactly in the hell is going on.

After Bentley made like a tree and scrambled, Ashley then had a hot stay-at-home date with JP. Now THAT is what I'm talking about. The next time some guy pretends that he likes me, but really wishes that I was Chantal or Emily, then uses his daughter as an excuse as to why he can't be with me... I hope that a HOT man like JP comes over to comfort me immediately afterwards.

I think we all know that the only way to get over one man is to get under another. So Ashley puts that old adage into practice with one JP. Nice. JP is very good looking, despite his bald head. He seems very sweet too, but I'm not sure if he's genuine. He kind of strikes me as a lover of women, which I am okay with. Like, I feel like he probably gets a lot of ladies... and maybe doesn't necessarily make a habit of calling them the next day. But to me, he's only doing that because he really loves the ladies and being with the ladies, NOT because he thinks it's a fun sport to add notches to his belt, like B evidently does.

I can't really tell how much chemistry Ashley has with him or not. Actually, overall, I can't really tell who she is most into and who might get the final rose. Anyway, she gives JP a rose, obviously.

The next day, Ash has a fireside chat with Hare... mainly about Bentley. I really thought that he was going to spill the beans to her and be all "Well, you know Bent was totally playing you." He was kind of like trying to guide her that way and hint and teased me into thinking he he might say something, but he didn't. He kept saying "Welllll... isn't it kind of FAST to fall so hard for someone??" "Do you think it's just because Michelle warned you about him and you want what you can't have??"

She says "Maybe. I just don't know anymore. In my gut, I still think that he was telling the truth, but I don't know."

NOW, I am very curious to find out what she has to say when and IF she finds out about his deception. I have definitely had feelings in my guts about guys that they were good guys... and been WRONG. So I'm wondering if she feels that her gut compass needs to be reset or anything???

I would say -- that I can relate to falling HARD for someone, even when it doesn't necessarily make sense, but I really can NOT relate to falling FAST for someone. No way would I ever be that attached to someone I met 3 days ago. That would NEVER happen to me, I am WAY to skeptical of strangers. But you know, that's cute for anyone who can fall that fast.

OMG, ok, anyway. After their heart to heart, Ashley tells Chris that she is in no mood for a cocktail party tonight. THANK GOD... neither was I.

So they go have the rose ceremony and she sends home mask-boy and some other guy that no one knows.

Now THAT has GOT to sting, you guys. Can you imagine!?!?!?!!!! Getting dumped as soon as you show your face. OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm actually not surprised that she kept William around. I think she really does like him a lot. But I don't think he's probably a good idea for a relationship. I can kind of overlook the bad joke (not really). But the fact that he just can't cope with the gaffe is pretty bad.

Soooooooooooooooooooo....... I guess we'll see what happens next, and it better be GOOD.

Yours in the Single Life,
Julie Julie

PS -- Ashley really needs some new fake eyelashes. I recently discovered the art of enhancing your eyelashes. Now I KNEW that people went around wearing fake eyelashes, but I did NOT know that you can actually get eyelash extensions. ALSO.... this is even more profound, did you guys know that you can DYE your eyelashes?!?!?! I guess I have heard of or seen signs for "eyelash tinting" but I never knew what in the hell that was. WELL, I finally discovered that you basically just dye your eye lashes. The point is basically so that your eyelashes always look dark, even when you are not wearing mascara.

As all this knowledge seeped into my brain, you can believe that I was DYING to go get some eyelash extensions STAT. They are really expensive though. And I was thinking about what my family in North Carolina would think of me if I got EYELASH EXTENSIONS. They would really think that I've gone totally LA and lost touch w/ reality. So I decided that as a compromise, I would immediately go get my eye lashes tinted. This is what I would say about the results. It DOES help. My eyelashes are definitely basically black now, even w/o mascara, so that is certainly a nice addition to my life. But obviously they are not thicker or longer..... so all I'm saying y'all is that I have not ruled out eyelash extensions all together.