The Take Home Message: Take Ownership of the Situation

Ok, so before I watched this episode, I already had a take-home message in mind, due to the clips and previews I've seen. It was "ABC needs new material." I was seriously SICK of watching people "have" girlfriends on this show. So Justin has a girlfriend. Oh my GOD. Who CARES??? We see this every season!!! PLEASE!

However, as it turns out.... I found that watching Justin's girlfriend be revealed and Ali yell at him and chase him around as he hobbled in that little leg cast of his was actually pretty amusing. They actually had some good material to work with. I love how his girlfriend sold her voicemails to ABC and we got to actually hear him go on about how much he loved her and wanted to marry her. That was pretty good.

So there is Ali, getting ready and primping and talking about how NOTHING could go wrong. Then Harrison turns up at the door and Ali was really nervous. You could hear it in her voice. Obviously she knew that Harrison was there to reveal some bad news and drop a scandal bomb on her. It happens every season.

She nervously lets him into her hotel room and Harrison looked like he was not really feeling this either. Anyway, then they dial up Jessie from Jake-the-monster's season and she reveals that one of the guys there has a girlfriend.

Ali was really nervous it would be someone she cared about. And I love how relieved she was when they were like "It's Justin." I mean, she literally LOL'd. She could NOT have cared less that Justin had a girlfriend. She was SO relieved that it was not someone she actually cared about -- such as Frank.

Anyway, then it was obvious she was just towing the company line and acting the part - mad that he had a girlfriend. ZERO tears came out of her eyes. She just went and yelled at Justin because she had to. Plus, if she HAD cared about him - which she didn't - she WOULD have had just cause to be mad, so she felt justified in screaming at him. I thought his performance was pretty lame. That one part where he was like "I have NOT been talking to her!" he looked really zealous. Whatever... I'm over him. He is obviously crazy and creepy and a liar. Unlike Wes, where it was pretty obvious they were making up this story line, obviously Justin IS a woman-player who actually DID have a girlfriend. However, Ali wasn't really that into him anyway, so at the end of the day - who really cares?

All right, so then Ali takes Ty, the divorced Southern gentleman on a date to a three hundred year old bath house that women are not allowed into. This date really grossed me out on multiple levels. Even though Ali did NOT care AT ALL that Justin had a girlfriend, I did still feel like she was on this date to prove something. Oiling up Ty in the male bath-house was just really gross and like she was trying to be all sexy and prove how attractive she really is or something. She was using him for his body. I don’t know, it was just gross and skeezy. You can also tell that she has NO chemistry with him... AT ALL.

AND -- I am offended that women are "not allowed" in that bath house usually. That is NOT cool. That is sexist. Screw that. I would have refused to go into that place. Oh... it's another culture? People are different around the world. Guess what -- I don't care!! I AM intolerant of cultures that treat women as inferior. I really don't care what tradition or history it's rooted in. You would be correct to label me as judgmental and un-accepting. Screw that sh!t and screw Turkey.

Sigh.

Anyway.... variations on a theme. Ty and Ali have dinner and over dinner it is revealed that traditional gender roles had something to do with Ty's divorce. It's unclear exactly what because the editors chopped the conversation up so badly we can't really tell WHAT in the hell happened. But it sounds like Ty expected his wife to stay home for him, and was really surprised to discover that women actually hold down jobs these days and in fact are sometimes even presidents of companies.

Well obviously that's a horrible match for Ali, since we know how much she loves her career at Facebook. She even admits that she is anything but "traditional" and that she has many concerns about Ty. However, she still gave him the rose.

I still think that I kind of like Ty. I do think he is cute, and he seems tall, in a good way, because I'm not usually really into tall guys. He might be gay though. Damn, I'm starting to through that accusation around so much, soon it's not going to mean anything when I say it anymore.

So, on the group date are Chris L., Kirk, Robert-o and Craiger.

They go olive oil wrestling with random Turkish dudes. The most notable part of this date was that Chris L. finally popped his shirt off and we got to see his tattoo for his Mom. Chris L., I want to stop saying bad things about you. I really do. But honestly, I didn't quite get the tattoo. It seemed like it wasn't really on his heart, but more on his rib cage. And it was kind of big, and seemed to be his Mom's name in script. Or is it her signature or something? I don't know.

It also seems like it might be kind of awkward if you were trying to get busy with him, like in a hot tub or something and there was his Mom's name on his chest. I don't know. What the hell do I know?

Anyway, so Craiger won the olive oil wrestling match. It was pretty obvious he was going to have to win, because he was going ON about how he had no one on one time with her so far. And he did NOT seem like he actually WAS winning. More like they staged it for him to win and get some time with her.

So Ali and Craiger go off and have some special one on one time, during which it became overly apparent to me that she is NOT into him and they have NO chemistry. Seriously. She has NO chemistry with him. I'm not sure if he was into her or not. I don't really think so. Other than the fact that she is the only girl there and he has to be into her, I don't think he really was that into her. He seemed pretty laid back and like he wasn't taking things too seriously.

So, I liked the part where Ty and Chris L. were sitting around in their PJ's gossiping about which guys are best suited for Ali. HAHAHAH!!! Yes!!! THAT is how guys spend their time together I am so sure. Having pillow fights and girl talk. Hilarious!

Anyway, so then she goes on another one on one date with Frank to the bazaar to buy random crap. Ali LIKES Frank. She IS into him. She DOES have chemistry and wants him bad.

However, he is no good. She is like "When we first went out, things were so great, but he keeps disappointing me." Then she was like "I just want the old Frank back." I am here to tell you -- that is a BAD sign. She has NOT known him long enough for the magic to have disappeared. There is no old Frank. He is the kind of guy that probably had a good first impression with her and things seemed great. However, sometimes when you get to know someone for another week or two or month, you then realize who they REALLY are. She is now seeing his true colors and doesn't like them as much, so wants to believe that she can re-capture the old Frank. But that's an illusion. This IS who he really is - neurotic and insecure. Things are NOT good with Frank and she should forget about him and let it go. But she's really into him. She has chemistry with him and wants him. And apparently he's going to drop some bomb on her as we witnessed in the previews of "coming up on this season."

Also..... uhmm...... I think that Frank is missing a tooth. ????? They fixed British Bachelor Matt's teeth. I'm just saying...

So, time for the cocktail party and rose ceremony. Chris L. rolls up for the occasion in a suit..... with TENNIS SHOES. As I said before, I really am NOT all into male fashion and picking out what every guy needs to wear. But his fashion choices need some help. Every other guy had a nice suit on, with a tie and dress shoes. Chris L. was wearing some tennis shoes, no tie and didn't button up his shirt either. I don't get it. Why wouldn't someone give him a heads up on what to wear???? WHAT???!!!! COME ON!!! Are they trying to make him look stupid or something? Like he really needs a woman, bc his Mom died and he needs a woman to tell him how to dress. OHHH!!!! Who's sexist now!!?? Me!!

Chris is such a sweet guy and all the women of America love him and he is The Next Bachelor. Ugh. I don't know. My feelings about him are just so mixed. Also, what was with the Cuba Libre shirt he was wearing at one point? We Googled it and it seems that it's a mixed drink. As worried as I was that maybe he was wearing a pro-Castro t-shirt or something, I was even more disappointed to learn it was actually a DRINK t-shirt (maybe?). Combine that with the flip cup incident and maybe he IS a frat bro? Who knows.

Anyway, Ali didn't need to have a cocktail party because she already knew who was going home that night: Craiger.

Ouch!! Really?? He's that bad that she doesn't even need one last cocktail party with him just to be SURE??? Nope!! He is history. It's always whoever you see the most of that gets sent home that night. When it's the person's last night on the show, they always use him a lot in the show that night.

I liked how he took ownership of the situation after he got the boot. "Before you say whatever you were going to say, I'd just like to say that I meant everything I said before on our date." HAHAH! Nice. Ali is NOT really that great, inside and out, etc, and whatever else he said. But I do like how he took ownership of the situation. I think that's always a good idea for everyone, at all times -- own the situation. Really. It's a good life idea.

Yours in the Single Life,

Julie Julie

PS - I hate it when she's like "My husband is in there" or whatever about "her husband." That grammar is NOT ok!!! Your husband is NOT in there because you don't HAVE a husband. Best case -- a guy you eventually marry is in there. It's not accurate to refer to "your" "husband" when you don't have one.

PPS - Why did they reveal who gets hometown dates? Frank. And someone else, but I can't remember who.

Jake and Vienna: Off The Wings of Love

So, as you've probably heard: Jake and Vienna fell off the wings of love this week and broke up.

I would like to share with you my opinions on the matter.

I think that Jake is gay, has rage issues (remember when he kicked the candle??!!! and they never aired it!!), wants to be famous, can't accept that he is gay due to his religion, is controlling and is deceptive.

I think that Vienna is NOT intelligent at ALL, was actually dumb enough to think this was some sort of real relationship, is very young and maybe also wants to be famous?

Vienna sold her story to Star magazine... very classy. She basically says that they had intimacy issues and Jake never wanted to get with her. He would act all lovey in public and never touch her in private. Gay. What guy doesn't want to get with his lady? A gay one.

I don't think Vienna realizes he's gay, she just thinks he's not into her. What girl would make that story up? It doesn't really make you look good to say your man is just not that into you. And I don't think Vienna is smart enough to cleverly contrive this whole thing to make Jake look as bad as humanly possible.



Vienna claims she left Jake, and meanwhile, Pavelka told HIS side of the story to a classier magazine - People. He says that HE left HER. The gist of his tale is "Vienna was jealous of my soaring acting career." LOLOLLLLLLZZZZZ What??!!!!?? Yeah right, Pavelka.

That is what Moms tell their little kids when the kid is a big outcast and no one in class accepts him. "Oh Jakey-poo, they are just JEALOUS of you." HAHAHA! Not true. No one is jealous of Jake. And furthermore, that is the dumbest come-back I have ever heard in my entire life: "You're jealous." Please.

Anyway, I remember back in the day when Bachelor couples would break up, it would be this teeny, tiny news item that you would be LUCKY if you happened to spot in some random publication somewhere. You would have to rely on your friends and family to tip you off to it.
NOW-a-days, as the ratings soar, Bachelor break ups are apparently front page, lead-story news. Of course, I am thrilled with this turn of events. I can't say that I have watched The Bachelor/ette from the very beginning.. but I've definitely been watching for a long time now. I think I partially tuned in around the time that Doctor Travis was on. Apparently my family, including my Dad were all watching it, so I dutifully and scornfully tuned in with them. Then I guess I got hooked or something. I don't know. I can't remember that far back.

Now, I would like to get philosophical for a moment. I just think the whole phenomenon of reality TV and celebrity is very interesting. Movie stars used to be the famous ones. But now - I think that "reality" stars are more famous than actors. Jon and Kate got more news coverage than I don't know -- Dexter.

I think there's two interesting aspects to it: the "reality" of it and the massive volume of media that exist.

Everyone is a voyeur and enjoys watching other people's lives. (Especially my creepy neighbor, who walks up and down my golf-course-green walk way, smoking her cigarettes, dressed European and staring through everyone's huge sliding door windows).

Everyone is also an exhibitionist and enjoys being watched. The novelty of being talked about by people you don't even know outweighs the fact that they may be saying negative things.

YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, etc gives us all the chance to be both voyeurs and exhibitionists. So I guess we're all just in a V/E mode?? And that's why "reality" shows are so popular right now? Actually I really don't know. But if someone has a deep theory, please let me know.

And I also think it's like the whole massive media has taken on a life of its own. Dexter, Mad Men are great shows. You can tune in every week and see what happens. But there's another show going on that you can watch any time, all the time... and it's basically the News. People are just living their lives for the whole world to see. On the internet, magazines, TV shows.... and those people are Jake and Vienna. Jon and Kate. Whoever. Whatever.

The real point of my philosophical tangent is that in this day and age, when a Bachelor couple breaks up, apparently, they go to ABC and film a little interview called: The Bachelor Break-up.

Love it!!!!!!!!

So now, rumors are swirling that Jake went psycho and threatened Vienna with violence at the taping.

Ok this is what that link says:

"Vienna was confronting him, exposing all his lies," a source tells Star. "He started screaming at her: 'Shut up! Don't belittle me! Don't question me! Shut up!' And all of a sudden, he literally jumped out of his chair, pulled back his fist and lunged at her! All of the executives were freaking out. They pulled him off of her and rushed them off to separate rooms."

The source continues, "The execs were screaming at him, 'What the heck are you doing?' And the camera people were all like, 'Oh my god, we can't use any of this.'"

Vienna was then shuttled off to an undisclosed location and currently has network representatives with her, making sure she is safe. "Vienna is scared to death," the source says. "She's all alone out there in L.A. and she's upset. She's terrified."

"She's never seen him be that mean," the source adds. "He's been a jerk and belittled her before, like 'You don't know what you're talking about.' And she's put up with it for the last four months, because she did everything she could to make the relationship work. But now she obviously knows she made the right decision. Who knows how ABC will try to splice and dice this and turn it around for their golden boy, making Vienna look bad like they always do. But people have to know what he did!"

So THEN, The Bachelor producers had to issue a statement DENYING that such violence ever took place.

"As this was the first time the two had seen one another since their recent breakup, the atmosphere was emotionally charged," the producers tell ET. "However, and contrary to reports that have surfaced about the interview, at no time was anyone ever physically in harm's way, nor was anyone ever threatened with physical violence."

Anyway.... this interview will be airing on The Bachelorette (for some reason) on July 5th. I am definitely looking forward to watching THAT!!! HAHAHA! Sorry guys, but Team Vienna.

And now... I'm kind of bored with this story and over it!

The Take Home Message: I do NOT Want to Go to Iceland!!!

So the first order of business is a poetry slam.

To make the men feel and look stupid, they are forced to write a poem for Ali expressing their deep, inner feelings about her. And they have to incorporate an Icelandic word. So they went around town trying to get the locals to share a few words with them. All the locals were avoiding Justin like the plague. So I guess they could tell what a creepy player he was.

Frank really thought that he was going to knock this one out of the park because he "is" a "writer." However, I don't remember what his poem said at all. I just know that he copied Kirk's move and approached the judge - Ali.... unless they edited it to make it seem like Kirk went first. I liked how Harrison was laughing in the background at Frank's poem that went on and on and on. Hare seemed like he was having a really good time.

So Ali let Kirk win this little contest because he came up to her during his poem. And she was like "I thought you guys would have learned by example when Roberto won the singing contest by coming up to me." BAD ASSUMPTION, Ali. Men do NOT get ANY hints. Anything you want them to know, you must explicitly tell them. Also, I think it's kind of cheesy to just copy someone's move to try to win the next contest. So I would not have copied some other guy's move either. Whatever.

Also, I liked Craig R.'s poem the best.

Obviously Frank was mad that Kirk won.... since he "is" a writer, this is obviously a blow to his ego that he can't even win this contest.

So Kirk gets the one on one date since he won the Poetry Slam Challenge (PSC). And they go shopping for matching sweaters. Those sweaters were wrong on many levels... Even if only one person was wearing it, it would still be wrong, because it was really ugly. All the sweaters in that store were fug-o. And despite recognizing the multi-layered wrongness of the matching sweaters, I still found them hilarious. Note to anyone out there interested in dating me: we should totally wear matching outfits. HA HA HA!!! I would totally go out in public like that and think it was hilarious. Yet no one observing it would think the same.... thus just making it awkward all around. And I find awkward situations pretty amusing.

So then they set it all up that Kirk is "hiding" something and Ali just wishes he would only open up more and then she could comfortably give him this rose tonight! Finally it is revealed that his deep, dark secret is that he once had mold poisoning.

All right y'all.... I am not one to go around calling people liars... but this "mold poisoning" story sounds HIGHLY suspicious to me. SERIOUSLY. So he gets sick.. and went to FORTY (40) doctors??? And NONE of them could diagnosis it?? Suspicious Data Point (SDP) number one. He claims he went to doctors on the east coast at the Mayo clinic and to doctors in San Francisco... SDP number two. Seriously FORTY doctors could not diagnose some simple mold poisoning?? It's not like he had a rare form of cancer or anything. Also, you really want me to believe you have been flying around the country to doctors? What?? What insurance would cover that? Highly suspicious. Then he's saying it turns out the house he was living in was condemned... SDP number three. If it was so condemned, how was it so easy to rent it?? But I love how his mom found this out... that the house was a condemned sh*t hole. What would we do without Moms?? SERIOUSLY!!! So furthermore, he goes on to say he was on the brink of death... paralyzed on one side of his body. Lost his short term memory.... uhhh ok. So first of all... wouldn't he have noticed that when he left the house, he started to get better?? He left to go visit forty doctors all over the country... he must have been gone for a few days. And also if he was on the brink of death, wouldn't he have at least gone home or something?? SDP number three: he only gets healed when he and his mom start looking into alternative healing. Whatever, I don’t get it. Something doesn't add up. Maybe I'm missing the logistics or something... but all I'm saying is that this story sounded HIGHLY suspicious to me. And it made me question Kirk and I'm not sure if I like him or not. But I do think Ali likes him and is into him and has chemistry with him. I was thinking he maybe seemed nice, though not my type, until he busted out this toxic mold fable.

And OF COURSE the whole moral of this story is "ohhhh relationships matter the most." PLEASE. I think the Take Home Message here is: be careful where you live. I also feel like I saw that half smirk that people get when they are lying on his face.

All right... so Kasey and Rated R get the two-on-one date. How convenient. So, here is my opinion about two on one dates. I think that you either choose two people that you equally do NOT care about and thus don't REALLY care in the end which one you have to send home. OR you choose two people where one is the CLEAR winner and so you really aren't losing anything you weren't already prepared to lose. I think in this case, Ali doesn't really like either of these guys that much. They are both weirdos.

It was really creepy the way Justin was being some sort of strategy king about the whole thing and how he wanted to get inside Kasey's head and freak him out. It was also wrong how he threw his crutches in the trash can!!! There are other sick people in the world who could have used them, Justin!!

I also don't get Kasey. He kept going ON about that tat of his. I just don’t know what to make of him really. I don’t get why he did all this. Did he really think this was a good idea? Did the producers make him do it? I don’t know. He seems like a genuine person to me. Genuinely odd. I liked how Ali was like "all Kasey needs to do tonight is be normal." That's a tall order, Ali!!! I think at best, he's very misguided.

More than anything, every time I look at Kasey, I just have overwhelming thoughts of "high school drama club." I just have visions of him hanging out in some crappy gymnasium/theater, with thick blue curtains, a musty backstage, lots of other theater geeks and linoleum hallways of angst (or LHA).

Now that I think of it, maybe this whole thing IS a big act. If he is in fact trying to be a theatrical actor and this whole thing is some big act, he does need to practice his diction, because he mumbles BADLY and I (along with the subtitlers at ABC) cannot understand a lot of what he says.

Anyway, that was a really SMART idea to have Justin trek across glacial ice shortly after getting his cast cut off.

So Ali was NOT really feeling this rose ceremony and wasn't interested in giving either of them the rose. She gave it to Justin by default, but you could tell she was actually more concerned about Kasey's feelings. I think there comes a time in every Bachelor/ette where the Picker realizes that someone is actually too into them and so they cut them loose for their own good, thus keeping around some loser in their place. And it looks bad, but really they are just doing it for the sake of the obsessed person (OP).

I love how they left him stranded on the glacier and he was such a good sport that he waved good bye to them.

On to the Group Date (GD) from HELL!!!! OMG!!! That date looked awful! EW!!! GROSS!!! Omg, I would HATE that date... dressing up in Ice-Wear, hauling my cookies all over the Ice Mountain, rappelling down into an Ice Cave, yuck. Nothing about it sounds good.... riding those tiny horses. Almost as bad as when the girls had to go camping with Pavelka. God, it just looked so FREEZING, WET and GROSS. I guess the only thing that would have been okay was the hot lagoon. Iceland did NOT look fun, I do NOT want to go to that place!

I liked Ty during the GD. I was feeling his whole southern gentleman act. I am from the South and so I appreciate a nice southern gentleman. Also, is it me? He looks like he is tall and hot. But what do I know?

One thing I have not yet mentioned on this blog is how the Bachelor/ette LOVES to botch metaphors. There have been a few this season, but I haven't mentioned them. There actually have not been as many this season as there were in past seasons. Well Ty gave us a good one this week. He said that he is not going to count his chickens too soon. Ty, it's ok to count them once they are chickens. Just don't count them while they are still EGGS. That's how the saying goes. You're welcome.

Frank!! So first off -- HOW does he keep getting back to the Bachelor Mansion.... which I thought he left FOREVER... to talk to the camera?? I duly noted the exact words he said in the Bachelor Mansion this week:

"I like writing love poems" and

"Kasey's ??? go on a two on one with that guy."

I think he might have said NEEDS TO GO, but they were trying to pass it off as HAS TO GO. I don’t know. I guess these are old sound bites that they are editing in. And they are BUSTED. There was also another intimate chat with the camera he had, where it totally looked like he got a haircut.

I still don't like Frank. I liked how Ali was like "you never come up to me at group dates." Yeah. Because he has a teeny, fragile ego. I am not surprised that he is the kind of guy that is not secure enough to approach a woman. As I said last week, he needs some girl that is around to do nothing but boost his ego. Neurotic, jealous. Over it.

So, you know that feeling you get when you first start dating a guy? You are all excited, because he is so NICE and just so CUTE and sweet and loves his Mom and has nice friends and a good job. Then, a few dates in, he says something and then you get this really negative feeling in the pit of your stomach and you are like "ohhhh no." But then you stuff the feeling down and try to smother it out and say it ain't so. You tell yourself that everyone has doubts about the people they are dating. No one is SURE anyone is right for them, are they? This guy HAS to be the right guy... after all I've been through!!!! Yeah. Well that’s how I’m feeling about Chris L. right now.

And so is Ali. That was a REALLY bad sign for him when Ali said she wasn't sure if there was a romantic connection yet. It's been long enough. She should know. She knows with Kirk, Roberto, etc.

I do think Chris L. is sweet and genuine... I'm just not sure how smart he is. To date, I'm not sure I've ever heard him really make any clever or witty comments. I don't know... maybe they are editing them out? And then there's still the whole issue of the flip cup thing in Vegas. He really might just be a frat bro... he sort of seems sweet and shy, but then I don't know.. he sometimes just seems like a dumb guy.

Cocktail Hour!!

Craig R. is my favorite. I just think he is really funny and that he's not taking everything too seriously. I liked how he snuck in that he had to speak in front of fifty thousand people at his law school graduation. Is that his way of telling us that he was valedictorian? Because if so, I like him better. I also thought the fake wrist tattoo was pretty funny... though if he was a true comedian, he might have been able to hone the joke and make it a bit better. Craig R., you are too young for me... but call me if this doesn't work out for you. I will definitely might still be single.

I also thought it was funny when she told Roberto she wouldn't have approached him IRL, bc he is too hot. And he was like all shocked -- you wouldn't come up to me??!!?? Roberto, NO!!! You are the man!! YOU have to go up to the woman!!! Sorry!! Call me a sexist!

So basically only ONE person went home this week - Kasey, because I don’t know WHO in the hell that other guy was that didn't get a rose and was apparently only capable of making one facial expression.

Yours in the single life,

Julie Julie

PS - Ali really seemed in her element in the previews for next week when she was yelling at the guys.

PPS - Shockingly, Jake and Vienna broke up.

The Take Home Message: Don't Come On Too Strong

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego are The Bachelors?

Finally!! Some dating advice emerges from the intricate plot-lines of this show! Why do you think I have been watching??? Advice: don’t come on too strong. Ladies, that means if you have just started dating a guy, maybe don’t shower him with gifts-- ANY gifts-- too soon, no matter what the occasion. Maybe don’t clear your schedule, JUST IN CASE he calls to make plans. Maybe don’t friend him on Facebook, friend his friends on Facebook or make plans for the Fourth of July when it’s only July 1st... (yes, even planning three days ahead is too much). And gentleman, maybe don’t serenade your lady on the first date, don’t wax poetic about how you will “guard and protect her heart” and most of all.... don’t tattoo the sentiment on your wrist. Oh, if only Kasey had been sent home, this Take Home Message would be so much more poignant. Alas, Ali kept his obsessed ass around. Kasey was sad that he didn’t get the chance to show her his tattoo, but believe me, that was the ONLY reason she kept him around. If Ali saw that tat, Kasey would have been history.But I’m getting ahead of myself....

Back in LA, Chris Harrison told the gentleman that they would be leaving the Bachelor Mansion in a permanent kind of way. As we will see later, he was lying.The men trek to NYC. Now, this part I found very interesting. I have always talked about how they never show the cast traveling anywhere, which shows how scripted and staged everything really is.If this was really “real” why wouldn’t we see them flying all across the universe? We never see anyone getting ready for bed or brushing their teeth in the bathroom. The scenes we see are always the same limited ones each season: lounging at the pool, fighting in the kitchen and/or living room... faux waking up. Whatever.So I was interested to notice that they stole me and Paulette’s idea to film them with a Flip cam and then taped their trip across the country.However, the footage proved to be uneventful, uninteresting and uninformative. Do you think they are in first class?As uninteresting as it was to watch the men fly to NYC, nothing could be more boring than Ali’s make-over. What the hell was that?Uhmm.... okay. Huge results there. You curled her hair? Wow. Impressive.Upon their arrival in NYC, Kasey secured a one-on-one date. What the hell is with this guy?? I was wondering if he was for real. In the end, I actually agreed with Ali’s assessment that he IS nice and “genuine,” but just kind of... off. I think he’s seriously EMO-tional. I see him with some theater chick or something... someone else who is seriously melodramatic and theatrical. I don’t think Ali is really into him.Their “Night at the Museum” date was pretty creepy, IMO. Why are they always going to these deserted locations late at night? Ok, I mean, obviously I know the answer. That’s the only time they can get them and they need to be empty for the crew to set up.However, I’m just saying --- in real life, if some guy took you to an empty museum at night or a restaurant with no one in it or commissioned someone to sing to you and ONLY you... that would be super creep-tastic.Chris L. made the assessment that Kasey looked at Ali and saw rainbows, unicorns, lollipops and taffeta. Chris said that was un-realistic and that HE did not have that kind of love for Ali. Well, I am no relationship expert... and I’m all about compatibility... but I think that you also DO need some taffeta to make a relationship stick... which is why I think things are not going to end well for Chris L. But more on that later.So in the end, Ali did not give Kasey a rose... yet she also didn’t send him home either. Can I just take a minute to say that when I first started watching this show, that’s how I thought it was anyway. I thought going on a one on one date... if you got a rose, that was a great privilege, but if you didn’t, then you just had to suffer it out at the next rose ceremony like everyone else. I didn’t realize at first that the stakes were so high on the one-on-one’s... that if you didn’t get a rose, you had to go home. So kudos to Ali for breaking the rose rules, I guess?Anyway, on to the group Lion King date. Hmmm.... I don’t know. Not that interesting really. At this point, Frank started talking smack about Justin/Rated-R.... AT THE BACHELOR MANSION. Check out that green background!!!!I know this is the Bachelor Mansion, because I watched the 20/20 special, “Behind the Rose.” Melissa Rycroft took us on a tour of the mansion and told us that this room is called “The Candle Room.”So how did Frank get all the way back there to talk shiz? I thought he left it FOREVER. SHAME ON YOU BACHELORETTE EDITORS/STORY-PRODUCERS!! At least piece together their soundbites and make them say things they don’t mean in a way that I can’t tell!So, I think the most interesting aspect of this date was the men’s attire: spandex. HA HA HA HA!!! I love how they are constantly humiliating these guys (does that say something bad about me? Probably). I’m surprised they didn’t show any footage of the guys complaining about the spandex. Maybe they are just use to the abuse by now or something? In any case, I thought it was pretty funny. Apparently you need to wear spandex to sing.

Roberto sang to Ali, so he won the challenge and then all the other guys were kicking themselves for “not thinking” of that. HAHAHA!!! Yeah guys, you should be kicking yourself. HELLO! Part of me wants to say - I think it does prove that Roberto loves her, since that’s where his head was and no one else’s was. I think it does prove that the rest of the guys are not that into her for nothing thinking of it. Not sure if it proves Roberto is genuine or just a super-player. I think she and Roberto have chemistry.... sparkles and unicorns.

So, Ali was sick again on this date. I remember that she was also sick when she first got out of the limo and met Jake. I know this is really mean of me, but people who get sick all the time annoy me.

What annoys me even more than that are people who get sick all the time and make out with healthy people. GROSS!!!! That is some disgusting sh!t right there!!! It’s gross enough to kiss two men in one night.... but to do it while you are SICK is just so nasty I don’t even know how to comprehend it.I wonder if we are going to get to watch these idiots get sick themselves a few weeks down the line. That is seriously just the grossest thing I have ever seen on this show... and that’s saying A LOT.

I don’t know.... I’d be kind of PO’d if I paid a lot of $$$$$ to see The Lion King and then had to watch some amateur Bachelor contestants perform. Who am I kidding? No I wouldn’t. I’d feel like I really got my money’s worth. Nice costumes, btw.I think she has chemistry with Frank, Kirk and Roberto. I don’t like Frank or his intense eyes, but I’m thinking maybe he would be good for her. I have thought more about Frank. He is the kind of neurotic, high-strung guy that needs lots of attention and reassurance. So he needs to be with some girl that worships him and works her life entirely around his. And even then, it would be trying to be his girlfriend.

Kirk seems nice, but I still can’t get a firm read on him. It was funny when he said at the cocktail party that they needed another guy in the house to play guitar as Weatherman serenaded her.So Kasey COMPLETELY missed Ali’s point that he calm the hell down and stop being so cheesy. Somehow from that request, he got that it would be a good idea to go tattoo himself. What?All I’m saying is that that tattoo does NOT look fresh. I see no redness on his skin. And those colors are NOT bright or vibrant. Something to think about if you can’t sleep at night....Anyway... how sweet of Chris L. to come visit Ali on her deathbed. Not really feeling his fashion sense though and believe me... I am no male-fashion snob. But really? Long white sleeves under a striped polo shirt? And you carry your stuff around in a back pack? :(So I think it’s time for me to come clean and admit that I REALLY have a SERIOUS crush on Chris L. And Mollie, I’m not surprised that you like him too. I see him as your type as well. I mean, look at that smile:But.... I just can’t figure him out. I really can’t tell what his deal is. He might be tricking me into thinking he’s a really nice, sweet, genuine guy... just like Pavelka did, when really he just wants to be famous or something. I feel like if I met Chris L. in a real life situation, I might be in love with him and think he is great (aside from the part where he taught inner city kids for a few years... I’m not really into philanthropy or giving back). However, on the other hand... it’s like WHY did he go on The Bachelorette?? I mean, if he’s really so shy about his Mom and all that, then WHY slash HOW is he going around broadcasting it on national television?? I’d say going on The Bachelorette generally indicates a rather serious character flaw. I can’t tell if he is smart and has good comments or maybe he’s just not that intelligent? I don’t know.

After Ali’s miraculous recovery, they headed to yet another deserted restaurant. I liked the part where Ali put her foot in her mouth by asking him why ever he left his inner-city gig in NYC to move back home. Ali... he already TOLD us this... he moved back to be with his SICK MOM.

Speaking of Moms, Chris L. was going on and ON about how great his Mom was and kept saying that she was such a NICE lady... and how everyone liked her and how NICE she was.

This is the part where I’m predicting that things are not going to end well for Chris L. It’s rare for me to say I see a GUY getting hurt down the line... usually I can see it coming for a girl. But I think Chris L. has it coming. I actually do NOT think he has chemistry with Ali. And I do NOT think Ali is a particularly “nice” person either. I know she acts all giggly, etc, with the guys, but I really do NOT think “nice” is one of the main words I’d use to describe her. She isn’t the nice, sweet, warm woman Chris L. is looking for. (I am. Obviously.)

When he was telling Ali the story about rainbows and his mother, she was like “Aw, that is so GREAT. That is AMAZING.” You can tell that Ali actually does NOT understand it truly in her soul. I guess she has not really been through extremely hard times, because she was just like “That’s nice.” But it was apparent to me that she just doesn’t really have that sense of compassion and empathy that can only really be part of you once you have suffered through some serious sh*t yourself. It’s not that she is b!tchy, bad or mean. Just young. Too young for Chris L.

I think that she recognizes in her brain that Chris L. is a great catch and very sweet guy... but I don’t think she is into him the way she is into Roberto and some of the other guys. And let’s not forget that Chris L. already told us he didn’t feel magical unicorns for Ali either.OH. MY. GOD. Why am I so mean?? I can’t help it. They just keep coming to me. I’m sorry, Chris L. I really do love you and hopefully when I meet you in person, you will never have read my blog so I’ll still have a chance with you.

Also, while I’m at predicting the future.... I wouldn’t be surprised if he is The Next Bachelor. They’ve picked random failures from the last few episodes and I can already sense his story: “I was sad that my Mom died, but now I am ready to move on and find my own tru love.” All the ladies love him and think he’s cute and nice. I just kind of hope he doesn’t do it... because I don’t think it’s good for the soul. Actually, what do I care? I guess it’d be fun to watch a Bachelor that I actually had a crush on.There Chris L. is on the roof, making out with a SICK PERSON... listening to a concert for TWO. So awkward and GROSS! How many people is she going to spread her disease to?The funniest part of this whole date was how they actually changed his age in his subtitles to reflect his recently celebrated birthday. HA HA HA HA HA!!!Awwwwwwww!!!! Look how CUTE he is!!!!!! He stuck the rose in his shirt!!!! OMG.... he is the CUTEST guy I have EVER seen on the Bachelor and I LOVE him. (I'm going to pretend the flip cup thing didn't happen). I'm already getting heart palpitations just anticipating seeing him get screwed over.Hmmmm.... so Craig R. I still love you... but in this picture, it made me realize I’m not sure how cute you are? Mollie isn’t wrong in her assessment that you look like an overweight turtle. I would definitely need a hometown date with you to see what your Dad looks like-- and hence what you will look like in the future-- before I’d marry you.Who in the HELL is this? You know, if my dream came true arm was twisted and I went on The Bachelor, as much as I’d hate to watch myself make a fool of myself, I think I’d be even more disappointed if I wasn’t even shown AT ALL.... a sentiment which - now that I think of it - is quite revealing about the people who actually go on this show.Tattoo summit 2010. Hilarious how Kasey’s delusions persist and he thinks all the men “respect” him and think he’s “courageous” for getting a tattoo. I bet Kasey’s parents used to spell his name with a “C” and he changed it to a “K.” He seems like that type.If Chris can do it every week, so can I. (What I can’t do is figure out how to make the carrot part of the quote face the right way.)

Bye Jesse!!! You get to go home to your dogs and cows now. Cute smile!Bye Weatherman!!!! Maybe you’re just one of those straight guys that seems gay? GL either way!Yours in the Single Life, Julie Julie

PS - I had an interesting experience at the Dentist on Thursday, in light of my rampage last week abt “Darlin.” He kept calling me “sweetheart” and I was NOT offended... AT ALL. He is so sweet and I LOVE Dr. Wong.

PPS - Not to be a huge conspiracy theorist, but I find it HUGELY coincidental that they just HAPPENED to be in Iceland when the volcano blew.