After the Final Bottle of Bailey's

Ok, so another day has dawned and I have had a chance to sober up calm down after watching "The Bachelor" finale. Yes, I will be quite honest, it took me a LOT of Bailey's to get through that pointless episode. After Womack proposed, I was just so drunk OVER it, that I went to bed.

The Take Home Message from last night: Don't Drink and Blog!

Anyway, now that it's the next day, I'm seeing some clips, etc, on TV of the After The Final Rose. So I am now watching that little "special," which seems like it actually IS interesting.

So obviously first out comes Chantal, to meet up with Brad. Womack walks out and is like "OHhhhhhhh it's awkward!!! It's SO AWKWARD!!" Uhmm, yeah NOW it is. So arrogant! And he's all "Oh, are you all right??!!" Please!! Yes, she is fine, she dodged a bullet by getting dumped by you. I don't know.... I found their conversation to be OK.When I was thinking all along that Brad was going to choose Chantal, I was thinking that I could really see them together, and that she really felt something special for him. But now that he did NOT choose her, I feel more like she is just that kind of annoying-ish, very pushy girl who kind of just gets whatever she wants. Which is good for her... but not so much my style. Another thing that really struck me about Chantal is that I really feel like she is just VERY open and has a VERY open heart. Like I just find it interesting that she can sit up there and fully cry and be emotional and sad over what happened with Brad, while at the same time having moved on and found another guy. Pretty interesting and I guess something to be admired... like it's the opposite of what Emily keeps saying about "not wanting to be hurt again."

So now to the main course --- Brad and Emily reunited on the stage together for the first time as a couple for the world to see. Wow. I don't really know what to make of all this. So BRAD says that he loves Emily so much, that he would marry her right now. He has been looking for her all his life and he is NOT going to let her go. He is even so paranoid about losing her, that he asks Chris is she is going to come out and break up with him.... definitely a valid concern and something that this show is NOT above!Emily comes out and we find out that she's really not so much into it. She claims they are "together" or whatever, and even "engaged," but that she is NOT going to marry him now, NOR is she even going to move to Austin right now.

So, wow, I don't know. What is everyone else's opinion?!?!?!?!!! I mean, I think she is obviously very SMART not to just jump into this ridiculously and pretend like it's all easy, breezy and beautiful. But also.... I really don't know if she really is even all that into him?? I mean, she could LITERALLY marry probably just about ANYONE she wanted to. So, I REALLY do not know if I see this working out. I mean, they ARE being honest, but uh.... I guess sometimes the truth hurts!

I was also kind of surprised to hear Emily talk about how jealous she was of watching Brad with all the other women. I don't think anyone has really admitted that before. Or if they did, they were like "Oh it sux, but I totally understand!!!" Like they have been so beaten down and just are so glad to be picked, that they will accept any treatment. But Emily is NOT like that. I think she KNOWS that she does not need to put up with that kind of shiz. I was also glad to hear her admit how boring she came off on the show.

When she was like "Well one of the issues we need to work out is his temper," I was like DAMN!!! That is pretty bad, in my opinion!!! If one of your flaws is having a bad temper, then uhmm... yikes!! I just don't know. I guess for me personally, that would be a deal-breaker!! But I guess there are some people out there who enjoy a bit of drama and spice in their relationships. ALSO, I did NOT really guess that about Brad actually!! I sensed that he had a darker, like drunker side, which his whole Texas Gentleman act is meant to cover, but I actually did NOT guess that he had anger management issues. Someone who I DID peg as an Angry Man was Mr. Jake Pavelka... but yeah, Brad hid it well from me!

Next up, they trot out the ONLY three successful couples in the history of the show. Right?? No one else made it, did they? Yet Harrison was like "Some of the favorite couples!" Hahahaha!! No, more like the ONLY couples that are still together.

I felt like this part was pretty funny, as they all tried to "relate" to Emily and give the "happy" couple advice. Not to be rude, but NONE of those girls comes close to being as beautiful as Emily, who I thought looked extra pretty last night. Her hair was SLIGHTLY darker blonde, and straighter... so she looked REALLY pretty... like the fake blonde Dolly Parton (who I love) look was toned down a little. Am I the only person who thinks Emily is like SOOOOOOO pretty, or does everyone feel that way? I mean, I know I'm in good company with Brad, but does everyone else think she is the prettiest girl ever made?

When Fedotowsky started giving Emily advice, I seriously was like laughing. Ali is ok, she is cute enough, I guess.... but comparing her to Emily is just funny. I mean, I know the point of all this wasn't to compare looks and all that, but I kind of felt like none of the girls could REALLY relate to Emily, because she is just SO pretty and sweet, that I think what she's really thinking is -- Uhmm... yeah is this REALLY worth it, when she could go have her pick from ANY man she wanted and not have to deal with all this. I just don't think people who aren't that beautiful can really understand what that is like.So good old Molly of Molly and Jason fame got a nice slam in to all the bloggers out there!! She made fun of us for sitting behind a computer and just writing stuff!!!

Anyway, then they replayed the engagement that we had seen a mere hour earlier for Brad and Emily to watch and behold. So obviously I had been watching the whole episode, thinking I was so clever for noticing that Emily didn't have her ring on... but then they just HAD to pull one final trick out of the bag... it was being RE-SIZED!! Awwww... how sweet! I needn't have worried.

Evidently, Chris Harrison was wearing Emily's engagement ring for safe keeping this whole episode!!

So, there's that!!

That's all she wrote. Brad and Emily are not doing press today, and issued this statement:

"At long last, Emily and I can be open to the world and each other about our relationship. Though we are madly in love, it has been a bumpy couple of months for us and our priority right now is to focus on our relationship. We hope that you can respect our privacy as we return to normalcy and begin our off-screen lives together."

We shall see!!!

Until next time......

Julie Julie

The Take Home Message: Working is for Suckers

So this episode of The Bachelor has me feeling more cynical and deceived than I've ever felt in Bachelor history. After seeing all those hometown dates, I have to say... NONE of those girls are leaving the situations they have going on the home front to go shack up with Womack the bartender bar owner in Austin, or wherever the hell he's from in Texas. Brad is going to end up alone again. I mean, sure maybe he'll give someone the "final rose," but he's not getting a wife out of this if you ask me. Whatever... maybe they'll prove me wrong, but I'm betting against them!!So!!!! Brad hops a plane from Anguilla to New York City. The ladies each hop a plane back to their hometowns where they lay in wait for Womack to come rescue them from the hotel they're holed up in with a Bachelor producer.

Brad pops on a beret and heads out to the balcony of his hotel to reflect and ponder each of the women's bodies.

CHANTAL:
Pro - He wants to marry her
Con - She is emotional
ASHLEY:
Pro - she is bubbly
Con - she questions Brad's love for her
SHAWNTEL:
Pro - She is beautiful and unassuming
Con - None mentioned
EMILY:
Pro - None mentioned

Con - BaggageHaving completed his reverie, Brad heads downstairs to catch a cab and fly to Seattle to meet Chantal's family. Mind you, it would have been much closer if he had gone to North Carolina or Maine first... but that's not important.

First Chantal takes him to the house that she lives in, that her Daddy pays for that she pays a respectable mortgage on with her assistant's salary.Inside, we get to meet her cute little dog and her fluffy Siamese-looking cat.

So, they have some little conversation about how this will be a great place to "visit." I mean, Chantal KNOWS that they will be living in Austin. But still... it will be nice to just VISIT her family here. Brad made some comment like "Yeah, I guess I've made that clear that I need to live in Austin... maybe TOO clear." Uhh... ok??? What does that even mean? Too clear?

Also he was like "So if we move to Austin, who is coming with you?" Like which of her pets. What in the HELL???? That is the DUMBEST question I have ever heard of. Why would she NOT bring all of her pets??????????? What in the hell. Obviously they are a package deal. So weird.Anyway, Chantal lives a few streets away from her parents and she often goes over to her parents' house for dinner. So Brad and Chantal head over to the House of O. Which turns out not to be really so much a house as it is a palatial mansion.So here at the mansion, we met what appeared to be her family in what appeared to be her house??? In case you are wondering what her father does to earn his piles of cash, according to the interwebs, it seems that he used to be either a professional football or basketball player for the Seattle Seahawks (what are they, football?) And now he has a car dealership.I guess that was Chantal's mom??? She referred to her as "Mom." I kind of thought she was more like her Dad's fifth wife or something... but she seemed to act like it was her mother.Yikes.... it kind of looks like Shawntel got a hold of her face and embalmed the $hit out of it. Anyway, that all sit down and eat or whatever.

Yeah, ok so seriously.... I can NOT see Chantal leaving this lifestyle to go bunk with Brad in his bachelor pad. Seriously. I mean, I guess it's nice that she has been married before, so she has demonstrated that she does know how to commit, etc. But I really can't see her leaving all this. I mean, it's hard enough to leave your family even when they are NOT completely supporting you financially. And her so-called assistants job is being her DAD'S "assistant." Which if you ask me translates into doing NOTHING. I mean, I feel like if she actually did ANY work WHATSOEVER, her Dad would give her SOME sort of title like "Vice President" or something. But "Assistant" makes me think she probably doesn't do ANYTHING. So basically her parents bought her a spacious house a few streets away from their mansion where she hangs out all the time. I'm sorry... maybe I have really just gotten too cynical here, but I really can't see this lasting. "Connections" are nice between two people. But lifestyles are pretty important too. DAMN!I really feel deceived too. They had Chantal trotting around like she was just some girl, like the rest of us, when in reality she is filthy rich and doesn't have to work a day in her life. How am I supposed to relate to that????????Brad goes away and bonds with Daddy O. over both of them being self made men. Mr. O. in fact is SO proud of his self-made-ness, that he had a statue commissioned to commemorate the occasion. It's some guy carving HIMSELF out of a stone. Deep!!! And expensive!!!!Anyway, they wrap it up at Casa de O and Brad catches the next plane across the country over to Maine to meet Ashley's family.

The first thing Ashley has to say when she sees Brad is that she feels disconnected, etc. from him. Then she takes him to a restaurant to eat cheese fries covered in gravy.Then they go over to her house and meet her family.

Ashley tackily sits on Brad's lap in front of her sister. What the hell? Are you like in seventh grade and this is the first time you have ever brought a boy over to your house?? Wow. That is TACKY!!!!!!!!

So, one thing I noticed Ashley say is that her family always sees her feeling comfortable and confident and they don't know how much she really struggles and feels insecure. That is because she FEELS comfortable around them. Anyway, yeah I really DID notice that Ashley DOES seem WAAAAY more comfortable and relaxed here in her hometown. Seriously. I think Brad drives her crazy and makes her feel nothing but totally insecure and neurotic. So again, I do NOT see this happening. She would be MISERABLE in Austin, NOT around her friends or family... watching her little Braddie go off to the bar every night where tons of women THROW themselves at him. She would be eaten alive with insecurity and jealousy and misery. They could NEVER work.Anyway, so who was the old guy in the picture????? As you may recall, Ashley told us that she had no father.... that he was drug-addicted and homeless and that she actually had no idea where he was. So who was this guy? A step-father?? Uncle?? An explanation would have be nice, ABC!

Also, I got a REALLLLLLY bad vibe from her sister. Like I got the vibe that she always likes to steal the spotlight and be the center of attention and that she shows no mercy and has no loyalties. I bet she tried out for the Bachelor along with Ashley and is still jealous that she didn't make the cut. I also kind of got the vibe that she would go for Brad and have no problem snatching him away from Ashley.Julie's verdict: there's no future here!!!

Next up!!!! Not interested in any sort of fuel conservation or consolidating trips into legs that make geographical sense, Brad jets BACK out to the West coast to Chico, CA to visit my favorite bachelorette, Shawntel the funeral director.First they play a really awkward local commercial for her funeral home, then they cue the scary, haunted music as she walks around the grounds of the mausoleum. Also, I bet her funeral homes sponsors a local T-ball team.Then Brad shows up all creeped out and judgmental. What, Brad?? You're not going to die one day?????? You think you are above death!!??? DISLIKE!Sensing Brad's uneasiness, Shawntel decides to take him on a tour of the entire facility, complete with a thorough explanation of the embalming process. Just in case Brad had any questions about embalming, she also made sure to visually demonstrate everything using her TOOLS. Yes, she went ON about how she would cut open your chest, find a good vein to pop, drain all your blood... and so on and so forth. I can't imagine why Brad would feel uncomfortable?So after the graphic tour, they did go upstairs and sit in the receiving room. And this is where Shawntel explained about how she is the first person to talk to people after a loved one dies and that she can really help them get through this process. So I really did respect her. And my question was answered: YES her family IS in the business. She didn't just play a freak card and decide to go to embalming school one day. I think it is nice that she is in her family business and helping people cope w/ death.However.... her parents' house certainly isn't like Chantal's, so maybe they're in the wrong business after all. So they all sit down and have a nice dinner and then things get real awkward real quick as talk turns to the family business and how Shawntel was supposed to inherit it and carry on her father's legacy.So Shawntel and her Dad have a really awkward conversation about who will inherit the family business. I really didn't want to be a part of this, but unfortunately I was forced to watch.

In the end, I really can't see Shawntel leaving her family situation either. She told Brad that if she moved to Austin, she would just do embalming work around town, not host the whole funeral. I think Brad is really being judgmental about the whole thing. He was probably thinking he didn't want to have an embalming wife. I think he is too shallow to look beyond the dead people guts.FINALLY Brad flies back across the country once again to Charlotte, NC! (Now, I know that maybe these trips really WERE filmed in geographical order... but that is less fun to make fun of.)

What!!???? THAT is the shot they have to welcome people to my home town???!!!! A dilapidated road sign??!! I am really offended!!!!!!!!! Just to show you guys the beauty of Charlotte, I am providing my own picture.So there's Emily chilling out in Freedom Park, when her little daughter, aka "Little Riki" or "Riki Tick" runs up to her, saying "Mommy." Now again, maybe I'm just too cynical. But it didn't sound to me like her daughter was actually the one saying it. I more felt like the editors popped in a sound effects disk and added a "Child saying Mommy" track to the video.Since I refuse to partake in the exploitation of minors (I'm only ok w/ exploiting adults), I will not be showing Ricky's face on my blog. Also, I think it's kind of funny, like how we never saw Mr. Wilson on "Home Improvement."

So Brad, Emily and LR play in Freedom Park for awhile. It was a snooze fest. Turns out it really is a good thing that Emily had her daughter, since apparently she has no other friends or family in the world. WTH??? WHERE are the Hendricks, LR's grandparents?? No explanation!!! Ok, so I hit up Wikipedia and it looks like the father, aka LR's Grandfather also died in the plane crash.But anyway, where was the coal miner??? I thought that she was a coal miner's daughter, so here is her Dad? Where's her Mom? Does she have any sisters, brothers, etc?? Now that I think about ---- what do we really know about Emily Maynard, other than her story about her fiance and her daughter?????? Doesn't she have any friends? I mean, usually when a contestant can't get her family to come out for the hometown date occasion, they turn it into high drama for the show. But this was just like nothing, no explanation or anything.

So after their romp in the park, they head back to Emily's mansion. What I would like to know is -- where can I sign up for an event planning job for a children's hospital that pays well enough to afford a two million dollar house???They head upstairs and play w/ LR's dollies for awhile before putting her to bed.I thought it was kind of creepy how they left a camera man alone with Ricki in her room.So after the playdate, Emily and Brad go hang out downstairs and talk. This is when Brad goes "I just want you to know that I WANT to kiss you, but I can't, bc your daughter is asleep upstairs." Uhhhmmm...... really??????? What in the HELL?? Luckily Emily took the words right out of my thoughts for my blog and said "Well, if this works out between us, she is ALWAYS going to be upstairs." Yeah, exactly. I mean, I do get it to an extent, but also, is Brad 21 or is he a 38 year old bachelor?? Uhmm yeah, when you wait til you're 38 to get married, I'd say there's a nice, healthy chance you'll end up w/ someone who has kids!!! Or at least that you would date someone with kids along the way!!!!!!!! ????? Is he like in junior high?? Also, I noticed how he kept saying "I've never dated anyone who had a daughter, I've never dated anyone who had a daughter." Hmm.... kind of makes me think he's dated someone who had a SON, if you want my opinion. I just thought it was really weird and immature on his part.

Also, it's NOT a good sign. Kid upstairs or not, I think a guy should pretty much want to jump your bones, and if he doesn't, then your relationship is probably doomed.

Awkward!!!

So yeah, once again, I really do NOT see Emily leaving this situation. Clearly the Hendricks someone has bought her a nice house in Charlotte in which to raise her daughter. I really don't see her uprooting herself to a bar in Austin. Sorry!!

Whew!! So, now everyone re-convenes back in NYC for a rose ceremony.Harrison fills in for Brad's therapist and helps him hash out all his feelings for the women.Then they have a rose ceremony.

Brad gives out two roses-- Emily and Ashley.

And then the final rose goes Chantal, sending my Shawntel the funeral director back to Chico, California.True to form, Brad is very rude to the ousted bachelorette. He says "Can I walk you out real quick? Really quickly now, can I walk you out?"

They sit on the bench and have a chat. Brad goes "Yeah, so you know that part when you said you were falling in love with me? Well, when you said that, I just kind of didn't really care. And I think that's probably a bad sign, right?" Rude!!! Seriously Brad, just say "You're a great woman, it's not you, it's me." Is it that hard?? I feel like Brad has just recently acquired the skill of expressing his feelings, and NOW he needs to spend some time acquiring the skill of TACT. Not every feeling or thought needs to be spoken, fool!

Ashley also stayed true to form by saying "I mean, it's sad, but that's like going to be one of us next week." Yeah it is. It's going to be YOU. So insecure!
OK!!! Now for some big news. Last week, we were extremely short-staffed all my hard work and blogging dedication finally paid off!!! I got to be on the conference call with the ousted Bachelorette, Michelle. Then I got to write a story about it, WITH MY OWN BYLINE!! OMG!

Click here for Julie's journalistic debut.

Anyway, this week I am slated to do the same. I will be on the conference call with Shawntel at 9:30 AM pacific time on Thursday. So if you have any questions that you would like me to ask her, let me know!!! I can't ask anything mean tho :)

Yours in the Single Life,
Julie Julie

PS - This post is dedicated to my Dad, who was quite opinionated about this episode and also requested more thought bubbles!!!!!!!!!!!!

PPS - You can always click on the pictures to see a bigger version